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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Growing Up
Post Info TOPIC: Growing Up
mmerlino


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Posts: 23
Date:
Growing Up
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Yesterday Just for Today says alot of us growing up spiritually. Today, I am faced with truly growing up and letting go. And, boy is this something new. Facing the past, so that it does not effect my present way of life.

In relationships I always thought that I had to do for the man. And, not him taking care of me. Okay, that is somewhat old fashion. But, that is what I am faced with my new boyfriend. I came on too strong and put our relationship in jeopardy. Which is scaring him away. I thought that making dinner all the time for him taking it to him. Calling everyday. Basically, putting all the eggs in one baskets was a good thing.

One of his best friends quickly told me I was scaring him. These are things I did in the past to get the guy I wanted. Spoil and take care of them. My dad always said if you cook, clean, and take care of your man he would not stray. Hmmm.....I see if I come on too strong I would just make him run. Never thought of that.

That was not all. He would say that I would not say what I meant and I would run around the table. That is all I know. Run around the table and if you really want me you would chase at all cost. Not, in this case. He forces me to take a look within myself. And, to be honest I hate that. I hate having to deal with everything so quickly. I have 94 days in. And, I am working out so much of my past. It baffles my mind. How one individual can make really look at me. Maybe its the mirror effect. I am a runner and when you would say something to help see myself in a better light. I would laugh and run away. This is the first time that I am really dealing with the past. Scary place to be.

However, I am grateful for him and the others in my life. Its hard to now having to put the brakes on our relationship. Because, I am moving too fast and it looks as if all I care about is him and not working on myself. Funny, that is the furtherest thing from the truth. Working and dealing with me through the eyes of someone else. I guess is what this program is about. Learning to know what to do with your HP's guidance. Knowing when to shut up and listen to a suggestion. Knowing that people in this program love you for who you are and not what you can do for them. Just simply knowing you are safe in the arms of your God. Is a great way to live life on its terms. Just one day at a time. Not, a month at a time. Is a simple way to live. I am learning to stay in the present moment. Finding answers to issues that hinder me instead of help me. What a breakthrough for this morning.

I was at a meeting this morning. And, someone shared; that he had to face the things that was right in front of him. Things that would be benefical for him to work on. Everything from himself to his change of employment. I guess its just one issue at a time one day at a time. Cause, my God puts things in front of me. That I just did not want to deal with, but I am glad I am going to.

God Bless all of you
Love and Big Hugs
Melissa M Icon_thumbsup gif

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darrell


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Posts: 3
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Wow, what a subject of interest for me..


It has taken me a couple of years of facing things (and still facing them), to finally actually, and really see a difference in the way that I deal with things now; as you see--I am a real people pleaser, despite the resentments that I feel towards them, and myself, for being that way..


God has truly showed me that I can indeed be assertive, and still maintain a level of peace (usually) when conflicts do arise, and as far as relationships--my wife and I have been together for many years, with each of us taking turns, but now we understand, and try to work with each other, in our own programs....


Just being you is enough, and it does take some time to grow into the person that you really are (a lot of us will have a lifetime of growing to do), as most do, but I have found it easier on myself, if I can learn from my past, and apply it to the future---I always used to say "I am not completely worthless-I can always serve as a bad example"  and this still true today; with the difference being---I am using my old ways in a new way for the program, and Church to show others what they need not do, and have been Truly Blessed beyond my imagination...


Humaness is a way of life LoL   It is just a matter of the way we live it...


I can not begin to count the times, that I had truly wanted to choke someone if they were to say "Let Go and Let God" one more time, and also "If you are at the Point to where God is your only Hope--You are in a Good Place (and what do they know Heh--ALOT)...


It is good that you recieved a early warning, but remember it is you and only you, who can learn to live with themself before living with others, and make any progress "IN MY BELIEF" you really need to keep track of your motives, and ask yourself if this is really you....


I am also an avid fan of the Scripture (a major turning point when I did Turn it Over), and I really like to go to http://www.biblegateway.com/ and do some keyword searches, or just to read, or listen to the Audio Bible, another good site is the http://www.dickb.com/index.shtml AA and the Bible which focuses on how Bill and Bob used it the Big Book...


Some of the Meetings and Churches have become quite political, which makes forums like this one so important for people who have limited access, because of the wide varieties of people, and I have been away also long trying to work and worry myself non-stop, and am Grateful that my attention was caught before I ventured off into a previous lifestyle, and was pointed back to where I should be --with the People who care, and their only wish is:  to help themselves by helping others----May the Spirit of God and the Program be with you in your transition back to your true self.


Sincerest Blessings


darrell    Ps Sobriety Date 11-29-04



-- Edited by darrell at 20:35, 2007-01-11

-- Edited by darrell at 20:40, 2007-01-11

-- Edited by darrell at 14:18, 2007-01-12

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Darrell P.
RyanS


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Posts: 132
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My humble opinion would be you latched on to the wrong fella. Did you ever get a look in his medicine cabinet while doing all that cooking? Was it full of womens' hair and facial care products?
Your problem is your just like a lot of women now days. You latch on to a man almost as pretty as you are, and then expect him to be capable of appreciating your more strongly womanly characteristics.
Not your problem he had water in his milk. Why waste your time? Even if you figured out all the 'intricacies' and 'nuances' about his 'feelings' and avoided scaring him, he'll probably have some mid-life crisis or something and decide he's a homo.
I have one idea reading what you wrote. MA-MA. That's right. Feed me. I am yours. I work all day long. I'm learning to take care of the kid on top of that, and I cant take care of my self. Help. I give massages. I will stand in line at the grocery store, and glare at people staring at me holding a damned pack of tampons because you do not 'feel' like getting out of the damned truck, and I will not complain because I understand it is our job as men to learn about your feelings. And because you feed me, and that other thing you sometimes help out with.
p.s. I live in Arkansas. You don't mind mosquitos, do you?
I'm just digging myself a hole here aren't I? Eh. screw it. Dinner time. Where's that ice cream.

-- Edited by RyanS at 22:22, 2007-01-11

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