Well, here we are. It's Saturday and Christmas is Monday, and we probably have some activities having to do with the holiday today. And it is still Hannuka too.
I did stop last night, played some games, and went to bed. I do feel better this morning that if I'd continued to push myself the way I used to. But I feel anxious because there are things not done yet and I have to be at my first activity at 2:00, and then a church one at 4:00, and then over to a family's house right after that to cook and eat dinner and be 'scintillating'. Eeekk.. right away now. I have the urge to drink. It just came on while I was typing this and started to feel all those feelings and fears.
*takes a long deep breath, and lets it out* *gets a hold of my self*
repeats "don't panic. don't panic"
almost 10:00 already. EEEK!
*goes into frantically working the Steps, second by second*
talk to y'all later,
love in recovery,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Well,, it's midnight here. The family that was supposed to pick me up at 2 was late and picked me up after 3. I had to be at church at 3:45, so that meant that the first half of cooking didn't happen. I went back, and they didn't have some of the essential things, and the young man kind of kept renegging on his end of things. But you know? I was cool. I stayed flexible, and let go of the 'should's. We finally sat down to eat, and it was good! I ended up finishing decorating the cake at 10:30 though. I am exhausted, back ache. But it went okay. Now the HALT again... very tired.
good night,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Nice job on the dinner. I admire the way you are confronting your difficulty head on. I feel a little guilty because when I logged in this morning I thought, "I wonder how Amanda's doing?", like it was some sort of reality television show or something. I realized that I had been sitting back, taking it all in - a passive observer. I hadn't offered anything.
This is real life - your life - and you are meeting it head on. I haven't yet found myself with the urge to drink, but if and when it happens, I have your example of courage and strength, because that's what it is, to emulate. Thanks and hope all is well.
