Welcome Shelley!  I'm Tim, alcoholic.  It may have hurt to type but it's a lot less painful than dying of lead poisoning.  No need for the latter either.  I believe we all can relate to your feelings in one way or another (I know I've come within a pound's pressure of sucking down a final Colt) but you have to hang in there.  I'm probably quite certain that you are sick of hearing "This too shall pass..." , but it IS TRUE.  Even if it doesn't seem so right now.  Keep posting here.  What is it that is troubling you so right now?  We all will try to help, just let us know...Tim

Hi, Shelley, welcome to the board. I'm Chris, alcoholic/addict. I hope you find the wonderful experience, strength and hope I have found on this board. Good folks here.

Yeah, when you're standing out in the middle of a field of cow poop, and people are standing on the grass yelling "it'll pass" while youre mucking your way thru it, it is tough. But, just the fact that they can stand on that grass tells you that yeah, you really can wade thru to the other side. Just keep reaching out. Make calls. Find rides. Nobody needs to understand what's going on but you, others will when it's time.

Remember, if you can, that growing does sometimes hurt, but every single one of us has been there, and we are here now to help you through it, just like others were here to help us. It really really will get better, just keep in touch with us.  chris

   Yeah Shelly, I know the can't eat or sleep thing which is why I'm here at 2 a.m..  I'm going through a liitle time myself now but it's not enough to make me pick up a drink again.  The bottle only confuses us a great deal more, when what we really need is clarity of thought.

   What is with the Jehovah's Witnesses? Were you saying that your mom is one and that her beliefs are causing a problem with the two of you?  I have to say that I'm an atheist and I have a couple of J.W.'s who come over frequently and we have some great discussions about life and God/no God.  We always part as friends.  They go reload with new oral/written ammo and come back in a week or two and we start over again.  They believe they'll convert me and I believe I'll convert them.  It's a wonderful learning experience for both of us.  They are good people to me and if their religion makes their life happy, that's fine with me.

   So what caused you to pick up after a year?  I've gone that far once and have done the same and I know we're not alone there.  I know that ANY excuse is good enough for alcoholics to do that.  Keep posting and keep resisting the temptation till you feel well again.  And see if there is a way to get to a meeting or two.  A friend?  Former/current sponsor?  There MUST be some way.  Good fortune to you and hugs...Tim

-- Edited by timverton at 05:02, 2006-12-10

Hi Shelley,

I too, am an alcoholic. When I first quit I had no idea of how to "feel" anything. I lived numb most of my adult life. So when I first felt pain - I was excited. My body and emotions still worked.

Then I felt confusion, depression, pity and everything else that is thrown into starting a new life.

I am forever grateful to my Higher Power, for helping me learn how to feel and how to eventually, cope with those feelings. Those first couple of years, for me, were extremely painful. Loss of job, divorce, loss of children's respect. But I knew I could no longer drink.

A lot of prayers, a lot of meetings, and good friends helped me to survive those early days. I consider myself lucky, to be able to look back, and remember the pain (and feel it) like it happened yesterday.

Memories of that pain... remove any doubts about me being an alcoholic...

creating dreams, from the nightmares of hell