I am not really sure how to word this post, I am really feeling happy, joyus and free, so I need to get the "ick" out before it kicks my butt. Let me preface my post by stating that I know I am powerless over alcohol, including someone else's drinking.
Last night my hubby called me from Alaska, and as soon as he said hello I knew he was drunk. He called because he was just in a bar fight, and kept asking me over and over again about why he keeps choosing this life if he is so sick of it. My first thought was you can't be that sick of it if you keep choosing it, but I stopped myself from saying it. All I could say was, "I don't know, that is something you need to be asking your help".
I was really thrown off guard, because he doesn't normally call me for support when he is drunk or high or whatever he is on. He has his program buddies that he can call. And I wanted to support him, I mean I love the guy, but I know I can't cure him and for the most part I am lost as to how to help him. I have enabled him for so long and I believe my enabling has helped him not hit his bottom or cushioned his bottom, so then he just gets right back up and continues thinking everything is going to be okay. And trying to be supportive without crossing that line into enabling is a fineline and a horrible struggle.
For those of you who get phone calls from people under the influence what do you say to someone. I kept my mouth shut and didn't say anything about "why were you drinking" I just let him ramble on and on. And didn't do the talking I just tried to be an ear to him, and to be honest I don't think saying anything would have been a good idea at that moment, he wouldn't have been receptive to it. The real struggle is that he knows program, he has program, he has had at one point 18 months clean and sober. So talkign program to him, sets him off.
I guess what I am asking is some ESH on supporting someone without enabling them. And he keeps telling me he is a piece of $h*t and to be honest I don't know what to say to that either. I know he isn't, and I tell him that and I can't make him see that he isn't, he has to.
LOL, if anyone has some esh for a very confused codie who is trying to let go and let God with her hubby, please reply.
Being on both sides of the fence...I would hafta agree, that everything you did was the right thing to do...
You simply listened without reacting....Hard to do....but its the old saying?? "Sometimes..the best reaction, is very simply...No reaction"
As for the alcohol? If I was in Alaska...where there are some pretty tough drinkers...and was around them long enough....I'm just not sure..how long I'd last before the BIG VOICE started to say "Pick one up".
Stay sane eh..:)
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Just brought some memories up in this alchy's head.
I met this girl in the program back in '02. We dated off and on for a couple years. It's really hard trying to stay sober and getting phone calls saying your loved one is out there messing their life up.
The thing with my ex is that she'd relapse for a small time and then quit again. God, that used to make me so angry! I remember when I finally relapsed I took prisoners. All I know is that when the party was over after about six months I was the only one that came out alive.
This is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. It's been 3 years and at times it seems like yesterday.
I really hate this disease. Cunning, baffling, and way more powerful than I could ever be.
No easy answers on this one. I agree with Phil that you did the best anyone could do under the circumstances.
Have you talked to others in the alanon side of the house about what happened and about your feelings? When push comes to shove, all you can really do is take care of yourself.
We do the best we can at the time..with what we have to work with...
Some days my brain was empty...my ears were closed..and my mouth was open...
However...
I do beleive... that even tho...theres absolutely nothing, that we can do about some of these things, today...We hafta forgive ourselves...forgive others..and accept things as a growing experience..
The memories of yesterday....stay with us...good and bad...
As long as we dont continue to beat ourselves up over yesterdays...and I can still be very good at that..some days...I know we cannot dwell on it all..
We march onward....We must...
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
