"Anonymity is the Spiritual Foundation of All our Principles, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities."
I am really upset, something I shared in an AA meeting was mentioned to my sister, twice by two different AA members, one sober for 4 or 5 years and the other celebrated 35 years in the program the night I shared.
My sister is in recovery too and what I shared was mentioned to her over the phone and at a AAmeeting. When sis and I talked last night, she says, "in meetings, we dont really share specifics/details about our life, just generalizations".....excuse me? I am really angry as I am a newcomer to AA, 30 days sober on Oct 7. , been in Alanon 2 years and never has it been suggested to me to keep details out of my sharing. I shared something I was really upset about that happened 30 minutes before I got to the meeting.
As a rule, I dont go into long details just how the program is working for me etc. You know the regular sharing stuff.
I suppose gossip is worth more to some than my anonymity.
Please don't give up on AA, beach. You must be very hurt and confused right now, I would probably be too.
I have an aunt in Alanon, and we are very close. Some of the people in my AA group also attend Alanon and know her, too. I am 'her alcoholic', as she is like a mother to me. We have tried to keep that we are related anonymous, but it was difficult, and affected what she felt she could share at times. It also affected what I could share at times. But my having a good sponsor that I can share anything with has helped this problem tremendously. Don't know if this applies to you, but I hope it helps.
Just keep taking care of YOU, one day at a time, and it will get better.
serious defects of character indeed! gossip can and has killed some of us. and now comes the resentment prayer, wish i had a nickel for every time i had to say this one. " god, grant this person everything i would like for myself." or something to that effect. it does work. please dont judge us based on the bad behaviour of a few.
At the end of the meetings in my former Home town, almost without exception, the meeting would close with "What you see and what you hear here, stays here".
Really loved that reminder to all. It is the foundational stuff of what makes meetings Safe. Period.
I think of that as "Anonymity is the Spiritual Foundation of this Program", no other way to look at it.
Saying what we need to say, when we are in a meeting, that is what the meetings are for, rignt?, and if we cannot feel safe, that what we have said, will not go further.
So, it is up to us, starting with me, to honor that Principle, and let others do what they are going to do, remember that breech is on them, not on you dear. Feel good about that, it is only our own side of the street that we are responsible for.
Have experienced this a few times in Recovery, and it does have a stinging effect. This breech of Anonymity is something you had no control over, and I hope that you can see, that it is only your Part, that counts.
And congratulations on your 30 days, that is a very big accomplishment.
And just a little P.S. to your story, I was starting to connect with someone in the Program, that had 30 years, and as our friendship started to develop, what came up loud and clear, is that in Private telephone conversations, what she would start going into, was talk about others, and her judgements of these people. Called her on it, and said I needed to stay with the 12th Tradition. Nothing more needed to be said, from me.
Just remember, that length of time in this Program really does not have any real meaning. We can find what we need in others, and time is never a factor, look for people that have WHAT YOU WANT. I stay with that.
People that live their Program, respect the 12 Steps and the 12 Traditions, as they are written, not as they would have them.
We are all Human ....and human beings make mistakes...
I would mention it at group level...somtimes we need reminders....the traditons are there for all of us ...and all we really have is today so time does not factor..weather we have 30 years or 24 hours it we drink we are in the same boat....
Mikey's right, no matter how much time someone has, most of us still have character flaws. None of us will ever be perfect, and that holds true in AA. A reminder at a meeting is a good idea. The folks involved will know who they are. Those meetings, as was mentioned, are for ourselves and for reaching out to the newcomer. I feel a gut level reaction to those I want to be close to and those that I listen to but avoid on a social level. Not everybody has something I want, but occassionally they'll say something I need to hear. In time, you'll know who the real winners are just by observation. Remember, these are your meetings, so don't let others keep you away or hold you back from voicing your thoughts and needs. If you haven't heard it yet, there's a saying " Some are sicker than others". I try to forgive those that have hurt my feelings, and just move on. It's my sobriety, let them deal with the quality of their own. As Mikey said, in the end, it's 24 hours. hugs, Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
I am so truly sorry that this has happened to you. Everybody in AA needs their anonymity But, please, please don't give up on AA. You are too important to let that happen.
Several months back at my home group the question of gossip was raised. One wonderful old-timer spent a while reflecting on what he thought gossip meant to a person in AA. In short, if I were worried about an AA member I would outline my worry, but not divulge anything that had been shared, to somebody who knew that person and could 'phone them to make sure that they are fine. But, beyond that is gossip.
At every meeting that I attend everybody's attention is always brought to the anonymity card at the end of every meeting. But, some people are still a little sicker than others and haven't learned what gossip can do to someone.
But, don't let them detract from your wonderful achievement of 30 days of sobriety. Well done on that!
Take care of yourself and please let us know how it is going for you, won't you?
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I remember a few months back there were some issues with anoonymity being broken. Two days in a row the meeting was about anonymity and the 12th tradition. I learned some interesting things at those meetings. Some things I didn't totally agree with but it is what it is.
It is okay to bring up things that are said at meetings with other people in the program. The only thing is that names have to be left out of it. No pointing fingers that is. When I here stuff at meetings and I become a little confused I usually bring it up with my sponsor or other people in the program that I trust. Hope I haven't confused anyone!
