I went to the local meeting here in my town. I like this one better but it's only twice a week so I go the other one in between that has two everyday. I found the earlier in the day, the better day I have.
I still haven't shared. I can't the word "alcoholic" passed my lips. I stammer & stutter. Been practicing around the house here, but I always mess up at the meetings. I know I should share. There is plenty of subject matter I could comment on & relate to. I guess it will happen in time. I find myself getting more comfortable with every meeting at either place.
There's a few older women I really respect at this local meeting. Finding a sponsor, I guess, will happen in it's own time. Meanwhile, I will try to work on my own & talk to a few AA friends about it. & remember to go easy on myself.
As you can tell, I'm doing much better. Tonight, around 7 pm will be one week sobriety.
At the meeting today, the subject was "change." How A's don't do well with change. If you remember, I've a lot of changes in the last month:
Lost a fiance.
Dropped my apartment.
Moved into a roommate situation where I have to share my dwelling.
Lost my cat.
Lost my job. (still unemployed but looking).
Getting low on cash (very anxious about that).
On the outs with my folks.
Damn, it's scary being alone in this world.
Still, i want to smile & let it all go over to my HP. I can do what I can, but it really isn't up to me, is it? At least, not anymore.
From the above list, I can see where when I HAD the control. It didn't work.
I'm truly glad that you have a found a meeting that you like. I try to get to three meetings each week and I'm still working on one of them!
I could say that I was an alcoholic as I had truly accepted that I was. But, it took me a few months before I could share in a meeting. When I did, I felt so much better. But, you'll be ready to share when the time is right for you.
I had in mind a woman that I wanted to be my sponsor. But, I waited a few weeks before asking her. I was so nervous about asking her, but she's a good woman and had worked that out. I'm now working step seven with her help and it's going well.
Well done on one week of sobriety! It isn't easy, but the rewards are really awesome. Keep on doing what you are as it's working for you. Try not to beat yourself up about what has happened. That was something that I excelled at and it didn't do me any good. I know that my HP is watching me and that everything happens for a reason.
Take care and please let us know how it is going for you.
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
