I had an experience the other day I thought I out to share, because I learned a lot from it, and it impacted me deeply.
Iwas tearing of a roof on a duck club, got down for water, and got to poking around the place, abandoned till duck hunting starts. Saw a couple old fridges back on the end of the front deck, and heard them still running. Got to meandering over to them. Wonder what them 'ol drunken duck hunters left in that 'ol fridge.(drunken is a requirement for duck hunters.)
Opened the first one up, and sure enough, not the half empty cases I expected, but most a carton of franzia. I just (w)couldnt help myself. Picked it up, sloshed it. Felt the weight of it. A primal urge rose straight up from my gut, just the weight of it was satisfying. I was almost dizzy.
I put it down, closed the fridge, and I thought about what happened. I realized I knew what I was looking for when I walked over, saw the mental blank spot. Curiosity could kill the drunk.
I then thought about why I was there. To do the roof. I made a decision to put myself back into my purpose in being there, and the feeling, but not the experience, was lifted.
You see, when I first got sober, all I could do was what was in front of me to do, trusting God as much as the air I breathed. Turns out, that's life. As my understanding grows, I was building on that, not getting over it. Living within my purpose in any situation or place is living within God's grace. Finding, understanding, and growing in that will keep everything else in it's place, and leave the wine to the drunken duck hunters.
Purpose.
Thought i'd share.
P.S. My sister had her second daughter today, just got back from the hospital. Unexpected c-section. I split a house with her and my brother in law, with my daughter. As each new challenge rises, I feel like I find the growth I need to face it. Like learning to care for my daughter, me, a caveman, the wild man of the rockies, living in a house proper, helping them, raising mine, and living like a human being. Ever day just seems to blow my mind. I even bought us a 400 dollar deepfreezer. If I was any prouder of it, id just carry it out to the back yard and live in it.. it's big enough.
Another thing happened on that roof ive gotta share just for a laugh. We tore off a number of old vents no longer in use, and since the holes were small, I just cut pieces of valley metal to cover and reinforce them, and shingled over them. Now, almost finished with that side, with one hole left uncovered, I realized that I still hadnt found the furnace vent. The stack pipe had to go back in there to vent the propane fumes. I could just picture a bunch of duck hunters passing out drunk this winter and never waking up, so I rose a stink with my boss about it, and left the vent pipe on the roof where it couldnt be missed to anyone walking up. Just in case.
Well the bossman met the owner there the next day to collect, and they went inside to find where the furnace vent went, and then my boss went out to find something long enough to poke up thru the roof.
As he was walking out, POW!. He said his eardrums nearly blew out, he walked back in, and that old crazy bastard had a grin on his face. He had pulled a .38 out of his pocket, and marked the hole for us. We had the bullet hole to find the spot to take the shingles back up.
Thanks for sharing that Ryan. When I read the line "picked it up and sloshed it" my mind immediately went to the romance I shared with booze! My "thing" was odd or neat looking wine glasses, mugs, carafe's, etc. And although I was mostly a beer drinker, my heart would skip a beat when I saw an unusual looking bottle of wine or liquor......As for your boss "marking the spot" is he a friend of Bill W's ?! (joke). LOL
..............more shall be revealed........
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Thank for sharing that. Wow, that blind spot, and being aware of it. Held a lot of memories. Great reminder, so thank you.
I will keep you in my Prayers today, dear.
Your Sister in Recovery, and this Disease is So Very Cunning, Baffling, and POWERFUL, I am sorry you had to experience it first hand. And someone said yesterday, it can happen to any of us, at any given time. For this Alke, to this Day, I have to Keep Sobriety in FRONT of EVERYTHING, 24 hours a day. The Vigilence to the warning signals of this Life Threatening Disease, is something that I need to acknowledge everyday, to start my day. I appreciate your telling of this experience.
I hope so much that you have a Meeting to go to today, to talk about this Experience from yesterday, and Welcome to this new 24 hours, TODAY.
No use in sitting around in the dirt doing the "woe-is-me's.." You knew it was a mistake and just that, and hopefully it was a good learning experience. Watch out for that old compulsion, my frined, OK??
So glad you made it through with out horrific consequences this time. I have a ton of YET'S out there... we all do.
