Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS , p. 63
Many times in my alcoholic state, I drank to establish a bond between myself and others, but I succeeded only in establishing the bondage of alcoholic loneliness. Through the A.A. way of life, I have received the gift of bonding - with those who were there before me, with those who are there now, and with those yet to come. For this gracious gift from God, I am forever grateful.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I loved this reading, wow, to remember how Alcohol was what I thought I needed to open up, and how I depended on it, for that "relaxed just enough to get comfortable" with talking, getting close to someone, and it sure was a Must for that real intimate stuff.
Used it for everything to do with others. It was my little "secret" that I just needed a little social lubricant. And for many years it did seem to do the trick as far as becoming out going and carefree, and open to others.
Then my little "secret" started to stop working, needed so much more to get that affect. The Progression of the Disease, is so very subtle.
When I wrote out a long Grief letter to Alcohol, in a Recovery Home for women, it was more or less, unnamimous when we read them outloud, that this was in fact "our good friend, that had really served us well, so we thought, until the day, it stopped working".
No one was aware of it being "wrong thinking" in the beginning. How very insideous this Disease starts out, if it did not have this attractive feature to it, in the beginning, who would ever want to drink at all. There would be no reason, the Fear Buster is what it felt like, way back when.
And the "Bonding" that is in this Post, is still at times a little tricky in Recovery, those old deep insecurities are sometimes there, but the good news is we can identify them. With "What's this? Fear of Abandonment", "Fear of what others think", yada, yada, yada, and we can use the Steps that are our Saving Grace to overcome each and every one of this Old Worn out and useless fears.
And in Sobriety, we can see some of these fears, actually materialize, some will leave us, some will betray our trust, and the Concept of having a Loving God, as the most important Force in our lives, helps us when we go thru the pain of these Reality things, and for me it is the acknowledgement that A Loving God will never Abandon us, that is the answer for me. People come, people go, some gossip about us, and betray our trust, and we can come, after a while of working it through with a Higher Power, to a "It doesn't matter" attitude, and let it go, completely.
Some of us have and live with, what I would call a "attachment disorder" and do need to just be aware of it, and work with it, with a Loving God, that will open the doors to the Relationships that will prove to be healthy and strong, and if I apply that theory of this is Just for today, we don't have to worry about what is going to happen, tomorrow. Fear of the Future is now gone, most of the time, with work. When we practice it with a breathing in and breathing out manner, with the Simple Trusting in God, and letting His Power show us how to "Thine own self be True"
Thanks for the postings all. Very healthy to read. I hope this doesn't sound too trite by comparison: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
