One Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 Cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***) Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke - yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****) Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****) You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Oh yeah! Had them all.........More than once............towards the end it was mostly 4 & 5....I'm with HappyMe on this one, soooooo glad it's just a memory.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
First I smiled...then chuckled....laughed out loud.....
and by the end of the "five star hangover".........ROFLAMO!!!!!
Could it be that it was even funnier for me because I can still remember every one of those symptoms, and was immensely relieved to realize the distance I have put between me and those days? (And maybe, a little nervous laughter also, knowing that I could still be just a drink away from a drunk....and a "five star hangover".)
Well tried so so so hard to find it funny, and yes, put in that context, it is funny.
I recall that fifth stage as a need for a stay in ICU, and my first year in AA, was ICU all the way. Maybe the folks in ICU do have a few laughs.
For this alke, it was never in the colon, so much as the liver getting bigger, bigger, and someday it was going to go "Poof".
Just like Wren said she is surprised she still has a Colon, I am truly amazed that I still have a Liver that works now.
Amazing things happen to all of us, when Plug goes in Jug for good. That's a one day at a time thing for sure. Thank you God, it is So Good to be Sober today.
Phil you forgot the 6 Star hangover where you experience every single one of those things and never leave your bed even once that day......and who the hell thought of a toothbrush?
That post gave me the willies, I could feel my stomach churning just reading it. I am so damned visual, that feeling of gripping the sweaty sheets, literally crawling to the bathroom, and grabbing a bottle on the way back to the bed, to settle down enough to get semi-human and drive to the Short Stop for the day's reserves. Damn. I am so profoundly grateful for today. The biggest nuisance I face in the mornings now is my cat trying to trip me while I get her food out and light a cigarette at the same time. Thanks for the reminder, Phil. (((Shudder))). Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
LMAO. I think there's a 6 & 7 star hangover. There's someone in your head with a sledge hammer, your passing battery acid out your backside, your mouth feels like you've been eating out of the catbox and your praying for a swift painless death. Too many times, thats how many I had.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
.....More than once....
........towards the end it was mostly 4 & 5..
..I'm with HappyMe on this one, soooooo glad it's just a memory.
