Bare with me.......My mind is racing this morning.....
When I went to AA in July 2005, the "urge" for a drink left me immediately. In August (05) I left a meeting, stopped at the store, bought a 12 pack, came home and got drunk all without feeling that overwhelming craving. I just did it. It was old hat, I suppose. Drinking was what I'd done since the age of 14....I went to a meeting the next day and surrendered again........And again the "urge" was not there.... When I relapsed last month, I didn't have the "urge" then nor did I even want to drink, consciencely. I was at a restaurant with co-workers who were having a drink. This tells me today, that my disease is always waiting in the back ground for me to drop my guard. And I have to continue to make better choices. I thought being around others drinking would be OK, after all I'd gone this long. I went to a meeting a couple days later and surrendered again...... This time, the "urge" and the "cravings" ARE there! Just one example: Yesterday, I was cutting the grass, came in for ice water, and standing at the sink I had the most overwhelming, mouthwatering craving for an ice cold beer!!! I called my sponsor. She was shocked and so grateful. My first time EVER calling her out of fear that I'd take that drink.......Here's where the blessing comes in. Without this craving that I've experienced a few times over the last month, I could very easily take that next drink and never make it back. My HP has blessed me with this in order to keep me going to meetings, to keep calling my sponsor, to keep reading the BB, to keep me aware that I am an alcoholic and I can never drink again............As the BB says, More shall be revealed.......Thanks for letting me share........Ya'll have a grateful, sober Saturday.
((((HUGS))))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Very nice story of a positive spin on relapse! In my AA the other night, someone mentioned that they could be around people who were drinking with no issues. I know, for some reason, that I wouldn't be able to. I'd do the same...well, they're having a couple, it couldn't hurt. I like what they say in AA...don't take the first drink and you can't take the 2nd. I hope I'm strong enough to call my sponsor when I feel that craving!
Thanks for sharing that Doll. I had a similar experience yesterday. I haven't had the craving for a couple months now and out of the blue yesterday I just wanted a drink so bad! I thought about it. What came into my head was that there is a meeting at 5:30 and I could go early and make cofee and wipe down the tables. There I would be safe. I sat and cried and then got my ass to the meeting. I wiped tables and made coffee and talked with an old guy that was there early because he thought the meeting started at 5:00. He made a comment about me working so hard and I just said "It's keeping me out of trouble" He laughed and said "Yep, there certainly is alot of trouble out there waiting for us huh?"
Oh how true! I actually followed my sponsors advice for once. I got out of my own head and went to a meeting and, what do you know? I felt better!! I didn't have to drink. I am so very grateful this morning that I didn't. Thank God and AA...........
I went to a meeting a couple days later and surrendered again...... This time, the "urge" and the "cravings" ARE there! Just one example: Yesterday, I was cutting the grass, came in for ice water, and standing at the sink I had the most overwhelming, mouthwatering craving for an ice cold beer!!! I called my sponsor. She was shocked and so grateful. My first time EVER calling her out of fear that I'd take that drink.......Here's where the blessing comes in. Without this craving that I've experienced a few times over the last month, I could very easily take that next drink and never make it back. My HP has blessed me with this in order to keep me going to meetings, to keep calling my sponsor, to keep reading the BB, to keep me aware that I am an alcoholic and I can never drink again............As the BB says, More shall be revealed.......Thanks for letting me share........Ya'll have a grateful, sober Saturday. 