I'm in another group where all they do is jump my case for my relapses and anything else I'm going through... I just have to say thank you for being supportive... I feel like y'all know/remember what it's like starting out in AA and how the relapses go and y'all aren't going to judge me... I'm in a relapse again, my 3rd one... and a part of me doesn't want to do this... it really doesn't... but a part of me can't help it... once I start I just don't care anymore... well, except that AA has ruined my drinking and I really do care... I'm debating on treatment... I really want to try this without treatment if I can. there's too many issues of if I go to treatment... taking care of my dog and all that... I don't know... I don't know what I need to do. I know I need to put more effort in my recovery, call my sponsor when I get these thoughts, all that... it's just when you're in the moment, you just don't think...
If you are really truly considering treatment, and you think it is NECESSARY, then nothing else is more important. Your dog will have a healthier mother if you are sober. Your husband will have a healthier wife if you are sober. Your boss will have a better employee if you are sober. Your parents will have a healthier daughter if you are sober.
We put off getting the help we need, as a symptom of our disease. But the fact is, we are not really that helpful or reponsible as active alcoholics, to begin with.
When I kept denying myself the help I needed, I came up with a lot of clever excuses that had everything to do with eveyone else, and not about me. I had a lot of excuses why NOT to, but I did not have ONE GOOD REASON not to get help.
Hope this helps you tonight, Lisa. I am praying for you every day that you will survive this and get well. You are a very important person on this planet, and would have a lot to offer another alcoholic some day. Please keep posting and I hope it gets better.
I really remember my early days in AA and my struggles and my relapses. I never want to forget them as they help to make me stronger now.
At the beginning of November last year, I truly thought about going into a treatment centre as I felt that I had to be removed from alcohol in order to start my recovery. In the end, I didn't go and I have managed to keep myself sober since February of this year. I say that "I have managed to keep myself sober", but in fact, it is AA that is keeping me sober. But, I certainly wouldn't have ruled out treatment. I was useless to everybody, including myself, when I was drinking and I wanted sobriety at any cost.
I now pick up the 'phone to my sponsor whenever I need/want to. The great thing is that I know that I am not alone with this problem. That is a great thing for me to know.
Just keep taking it one day at a time - don't project. That was a real 'baddie' for me.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are getting on, won't you? You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
((((Lisa)))), I've had 2 relapse. But I kept going back. I can not guarantee that I won't relapse again. None of us can. But I know I won't today & that is all that matters, today. A head full of AA and a belly full of booze just don't mix. So, you keep going to meetings, calling your sponsor and doing the best you can do today, until you can do better. I hear it coming, in your posts. Better days are ahead. YOU have to stop making excuses i.e. the dog, and do what is necessary for you. As I said before take care of YOU and your HP will take care of the rest, promise. If you really want it, you can do it...If I can do it, anyone can......I have faith in you.
-- Edited by Doll at 18:44, 2006-08-15
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
