Our visit with the boys was fantastic, until we dropped them off and all drunken-hell broke loose. (My husband and I were sober, by the way)
His ex-mother-in-law, completely loaded, tried to climb insode the driver's side window of our car as we were trying to leave. She was screaming obscenities, foaming at the mouth, had her fist wrapped around the keys in the igniotion. Her daughter (Josh's ex) was calling me a "whore"... she wants her husband back... she is the one who left him for a 17 year old when she was 29! All we want is a peaceful happy life for these poor dear children; a sober loving and serene environment for them to grow up in. I hate what this disease does to kids; what they are forced to 'see'.
I thank God for my sobriety, and my husband's, or one or both of us might just be sitting in a jail-cel as we speak. My HP, through this program, helped me keep a handle on the rage and digust I was feeling. Both my husband and I wanted to flip her and her daughter over and off the car, and run their asses over. The children were in tears. They saw the hatred and insanity of very sick people, as they unfortunately so often do. They also see, in their dad and me people who are just trying to live in peace. Without my program, this would not be possible. I would have reacted with a vengeance.
I have to take very good care of myself today, guys. I am getting to a meeting for sure. Please pray for these boys, Jacob and Joshua Jr. They need all the help they can get.
Oh, Joni, how awful for everyone involved. I agree, whereas I'm grateful for where this disease has brought me, I hate for what it does to the by standers, the loved ones who are so helpless. Feel me give you a big hug. Love Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
We TRIED SO HARD just to LEAVE!!!!!!!! With a drunken woman attached like a suction cup to the side of the vehicle just waiting to be 'run over' so she could call the cops.... What a situation ideed.
God, how FRUSTRATING!! But, as you can safely surmise, we are home safe, back at the fort. Hallelujah!!!
Joni, Once I accepted a Job at Marin General Hospital, and the lady that was training me in "Intake", thought I needed a Complete Tour of the Hospital, all just a little mondain, THEN we went to the Mental Health section of the Hospital, 2 sections, Unit A, and then Unit B,
Unit A was pretty mellow, many folks looking a little "borderline" on a 72 hour hold. Interesting.
THEN Unit B, They were the permanent Resident, Incurable Insanity, from the moment we walked in, my Co-Worker whisphered, "Be Careful, o.k." AND then all the folks standing around, came over and were trying to Clutch at us, and me, cause I had this Horrified Look on me face, Someone grabbing at my blouse and tearing it a little, and about 3 people walking up and engaging in Bizarre conversations, as my Heart Raced 100 mph, I pleaded with my Co-Worker, I have seen this, o.k. PLEASE Can we go. And we did.
But when you sent my that email of the more descriptive scenario, it was UNIT B, all the way, the clutching, talking Insanity, add some Booze and it was a real Show, eh?
Felt myself making some "not so nice Judgements" and then thought, well, we do have to discern when an Out of Control Freight Train is coming at us, 100 mph, and get the Heck OUT OF THE WAY. So I forgave myself for the negative or rather FEAR thinking, No way to put a Positive Spin on the details you mentioned.
Joni, there is a REAL healthy side to the emotion of FEAR, and go with it my friend.
Hope today is full of Prayers and Peace, for you.
Hugs, Toni
And the fact that we are Sober for one more day, this whole story brought so much Gratitude, and feeling so Humble to Alcoholics Anonymous. For just as Rjs' signature, We are, Still Alive. AMEN
Ex In-laws, ewwwwwww.........I got 'em too. Not drunks, but many, many other isms.... it does make it difficult.Mine always try to use the fact that I'm an alcoholic against me!
Have peace in knowing you rose above the occasion.
My Prayers are with you all.
(((((HUGS)))))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
It sure sounds like you and your husband did the very best that you could in a VERY difficult situation. As you said, thank God for sobriety! And, I am also sorry for his two young sons. It truly is sad that they had to see all of that.
Thanks, friends, for validating my sadness in this matter, and yet, I have HOPE today.
No need for me to feel or BE vengeful... people create their own consequences. I know I suffered my share of my own, and I needed every blasted bit of the misery in order to become willing to get better.
I am going to paint a painting today, enjoy the cool breeze and sunshine, and I will keep praying for that whole family so that I have a forgiving heart. I have no more space in my head for negativity to live rent-free. Time to fill it up with some good stuff.
What a scene, right? I do feel sorry for the kids. That's sad. What a crappy end to a good visit. I guess you never know what to expect when you deal with people. Constantly amazing me is for sure! Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Guess ya just have to take it as it comes and thank God for sobriety and the strength and courage to deal with the bs along with all the good things in life.
OK guys, I am off the seconf merry-go-round as of late... and this ride only lasted for less than 24 hours!!!! Whoopee!! Program at work, thank GOD!!
I can just look at these people without judgement this second day and be grateful for what I have. They act out because they are sick and in pain, and I know this. It is likely to happen again, but this is today, and nothing goin' on here, so I will stay right here in today. God has a plan for the boys, too, and we are powerless in a lot of respects. But God has never let me down, so I know He has good things in mind for those two little ones.
It's so good to be able to feel, process, and DEAL today, then walk away!!!
Joni, have you considered getting custody of the boys? I am so concerned for their welfare, and it can not be good for them to live in a situation like that. Many courts consider having an alcoholic mother as a justification for removing parental rights. If the boys are old enough, there thoughts on the matter would be considered, also.
I don't normally give advise, but I would really like to see them out of that horrible situation. Hope you take this in the loving spirit it is offered. I will pray for you all. my heart is just sick thinking of them. From personal experience, I kick myself for not removing my children from an alcoholic household years before I got out. The damage in my instance is still being repaired.
Thank you for listening to me, you are such a grounded lady, really enjoy your posts.
Thanks for your comment. Actually, Their mother is not a drunk, just HER mother (the kids' grandma, Gina). But their mother IS an ACOA (though she doesn't even know it) and therefor addicted to drama herself. She has learned many sick coping mechanisms, having grown up going through 6 of her mothers divorces... We unfortunately can't get custody based on their mother being a 'drama-queen'. The agreement is that my husband gets them every other weekend and a couple of Wednesday nights a month. Since they live 1,200 miles away on an airforce base, we get them for 8 weeks in the summer and 2 weeks at Christmas, during their break. They could not come up for the whole summer this year, as their mother was having twins in June, and they really wanted to be there for that, and also the 6 year old had to go to a 'reading summer school' in order to pass kindergarten.
So we do the best with what we have, and we recognize that the oldest, now 11, really wants to come live with us when he is 12, and he does have that choice, according to the law. The mother sees this as a threat not only to herself, but to her precious money she gets every month, around $1,000 a month for 2 children. Were Joshua Jr. to come and live with us, she would get nothing, as the courts would consider that the mother and father are each being financially responsible for one child each. (My husband will certainly continue to help raise the younger one financially, regardless that he won't be boumnd by law.) But that is what these people are about, Wanda. MONEY. Gina, the alcoholic, had 6 kids by 6 different men, and soaked each and every one of the men for all he was worth. She lived high on the hog, and now 3 of her 4 daughters are following in her footsteps. IOt is a shame.
So we just pray and pray and pray some more, and we never EVER pressure either one of them in any way. The boys are getting old enough to make their own choices based on what they see and how they feel about their lives... and as we know, children are no dummies.
Thanks for your concern, Wanda, and I do appreciate the prayers, and will offer some up in your family's direction, likewise.
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