When I started this journey 6 months ago it was due to someone else's drinking. I read everything I could, joined Al Anon and focused on that side of it. One thing that stuck out was the selfishness that seems to be a common trait among alcoholics - including me I guess which is where I am stuck.
From my AlAnon view point: My selfish exabf only thinks of himself and doesn't give a dang about anyone else. Frustrating as heck and causes me to feel a lot of anger.
From me being the A: I want everything my way. Also frustrating as heck and causes anger.
If I focus on accepting it from one viewpoint will the other follow? I don't know where to start.
Hopefully this makes sense to someone. Have a good night!
Anytime (AlAnon or AA) I focus on someone else's problem I am setting myself up for trouble. I am not living and breathing and recovering for me. I am judging and worrying about and mentally manipulating and feigning control of and wanting MY WILL for... someone other than myself. In these moments, I am not living life on life's terms. I am thinking about how I can change things in the world around me instead of how I can change myself. I am resenting another human being; letting him/her live in my brain rent-free and create chaos up there. I am telling myself that the set of circumstances the other person is in is wrong and flawed and a mistake. I am not willing to give the other person the right to be exactly where God wants him/her to be at this very moment in time. I am saying I know, better than God, what this person needs to go through. I am playing God.
I am posting this reply for myself, as my own husband surprised the hell out of me this weekend and lied, and got rip-roaring drunk... the very first time I have ever seen him this way. For two days I took heed and let him be, concentrated on myself, and barely allowed it to affect me. Yesterday was a little harder. I am human, and fears set in. I got a good case of the 'now what's?". I had to pick up the abovementioned tools that were freely given to me and all is well with me, just for today. These tools really really work, if we pick them up and use them.
Wishing you a good sober day, free from the bondage of another's drinking.
Thanks Phil and Joni. I needed the reminder. The times I have felt the best throughout this have been when I focus on detachment, letting go and live and let live. It benefits everyone (especially me!) when I practice these steps.
Man, if you don't keep those thoughts in front of you constantly you just go right back to square one, don't you? I am hoping that some day it will come naturally. Whew!!!
Things I can see when I'm on the outside I can't see when I'm in the middle of it. For me, it will probably come naturally when I'm 500 years old.... LOL
My 'forgetter' has never been quite right. You are in good company!!
