I was reading Caitlin Matthews tonight, she writes alot on Celtic spirituality which I find very interesting. She was talking about Fear and Courage, which was mentioned in an earlier post. Quoting " I will rise, I will go back to the white and silver shore. I will have courage, as the sun does, rising and setting. I will go as the sea in its turning. I will rise, I will go back, I will rise!".
It truly is hard for us to go back into places where we've been hurt, physically or emotionally. Not just a place on the map, but perhaps a place in our minds and hearts, or in relationships. And with this defensive wall around us, which I know I carried for years after coming to the program, we feed those fears, that sickening dread. This is where we learn to surrender. The alternative is to remain paralyzed in one place, allowing no growth, no experience, no opportunity to truly give. Avoidance gives these negative feelings more substance; facing them, we can transform them. With the help of our Higher Power(s), the love of our friends and the people in AA, we have the courage given to us to conquer the fear, the shame and the anger. What a blessing, what a gift the Program and its people give to us. I need to remind myself so often when I'm in a stuck place, that everything I need to get unstuck has been gifted to me in our 12 Steps and the people in our Program. Just a late meandering...wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
I read the post and I do find it so true from experience. I went to a hospital for addiction treatment last year. The experts thought it best for me to go through a trauma recovery program. In all I ended up in there for 13 weeks. It saved my life. I found the courage day by day to face the old wounds, to begin to finally love myself and to have compassion for me and those who hurt me.
When I was in there, it was like a mirror was held up and I got to see how I acted, reacted, responded and did or did not take respsonsibility for myself. It was like a huge step 4 for me. That saved my life. To be able to go to the past and love myself enough to begin to heal has changed my life. Gratitude rules my life more than self pity, resentments and hate. I will be forever grateful. Thanks for sharing.
Jo
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
