It was a weak ago....been to meetings & got my 24-hour chip (again)....RESUME...they all said :)
Making up my school work - just got 100% on a quiz! Thanked my HP right away....looked over at my collection of family photos & yelled at them...."YOU'RE ALL JUST A F** HEARTBREAK TO ME!"
I really have no support within my family. Some of them really do try, but we're all sick....lol.
Take the good with the bad...live life on life's terms, huh?
Panic attacks are worse...working thru them, slow. This time, it's worse....why do I do this to myself. I know, deep down that I hate myself......Each time, it gets harder....
I have slipped a couple times since I started this program. I know for me it was easy to beat myself up about it and hate myself for doing it. I have made it to 60 days again this time and I just focus on not drinking for today, going to meetings, meeting with my sponsor. I try to keep it simple. If I think too much I get very anxious. I try to stay out of my head as much as possible. I try to look at the times I slipped as learning experiences instead of failures. I did learn something about myself each time and my faith has grown because of it.
Take care of yourself and try not to be too hard on yourself.
I had been back in AA for three months when I had a slip. I had had minor surgery and was feeling very sorry for myself. Instead of picking up the 'phone, I picked up a drink. The crazy thing is that I can't even remember buying the alcohol. But, after two glasses I came to my senses and 'phoned my sponsor.
I tried so hard not to beat myself up about it. I tried, instead, to learn form what I had done. I learned what had caused me to want to drink again and I try so very hard not to place myself in the same situation. I did come through it having learned more about myself and as a stronger person.
There is one wonderful guy in one of my regular meetings who says that "picking up a drink is the end of a slip". At first, I couldn't see what he meant. But I thought and thought about it. What he means is that if he stops going to his regular meetings, stops reading, stops having contact with his sponsor then he will pick up a drink again. He needs reminding daily that he is an alcoholic.
What thing that really worked for me was writing out just how bad my alcoholism had got and the places and situations where it took me. I often re-read it now just to remind myself. It works for me, anyway.
Christine, don't hate yourself! You are somebody who is dealing with a fatal disease. But, you are dealing with it and that's what counts. It really will get better.
Take the very best care of yourself and let us know how it's going for you.
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
It was a weak ago....been to meetings & got my 24-hour chip (again)....RESUME...they all said :)
Making up my school work - just got 100% on a quiz! Thanked my HP right away....looked over at my collection of family photos & yelled at them...."YOU'RE ALL JUST A F** HEARTBREAK TO ME!"
I really have no support within my family. Some of them really do try, but we're all sick....lol.
Take the good with the bad...live life on life's terms, huh?
Panic attacks are worse...working thru them, slow. This time, it's worse....why do I do this to myself. I know, deep down that I hate myself......Each time, it gets harder....
Sorry, venting.....
thank you all for being here....
christine
You Wrote: I really have no support within my family. Some of them really do try, but we're all sick....lol.
Yup I feel you there, My dads an alky and I guess I perhaps know where your coming from, its not easy..
And Panic attacks yup, I had to get medication for mine by a Dr, and if you need to too then thats ok, we in A.A are not Dr's although some of us think so..
Be kind and loving towards yourself and we need to get back onto our feet and keep marching , so it says in the book, but my words are just have some compassion for yourself and dont be too cross.
In my family I am the crazy one. In my family I am the sick one. As I watch my 75 year old mom walk to the store several blocks away with a bad hip for my 30 year old nephew (who is healthy) to buy him cigarettes because he told her to go. I say who is the sick one here. Who is the crazy one.
Just hang in there. I fully understand about hating myself. I used to hate myself so badly I couldn't function. I am beginning to understand that it is I who must love myself the way I want to be loved. I have had slips too and they make me stronger. Keep going to meetings and keep fighting to give yourself love instead of hate. Over a year later my life is filled with miracles and sobriety. All from learning to love myself and to stay sober one day at a time. Just hang in there.
Hugs/Jo
__________________
I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
