BM, first welcome to the forum. When I saw the name you chose, I nearly didnt have to read your post.

I'm dual addicted. I chose to stick with AA because my experience with 90% of the people was very good, and this was back in the early 80s. No NA available. I can't speak for your area, but in twenty plus years, I have had good experiences in AA all over the west coast, except in one small unnamed town where it was not a good experience for me. But I tell you, I went to the meetings anyway. My feelings were, I couldn't have cared less for anyone in that room except for the newcomer. So, I was going for both myself and that new person.

AA or NA didn't come into being because alcoholics are mentally grounded people. We sit around the tables because we are not well. We need eachother. Choices are made in each area, I suppose, whether someone choses AA or NA or any other program based on their experience with the people. I've heard people allude to "what does someone do if they live where there's no AA available". They carry around that Big Book. Rough rough, but I've known people who for various reasons, had to do it that way.

If I chose to go back out, it is because my disease got the upper hand. It isn't because some underground click sent me running, it is because at some point, I disconnected from what I knew, and used again. As you know, the BB warns us of People, Places and Things. Principals before personalities. You know all the cliches and terms used. Bottom line is, they're valid.

I keep it as simple as I possibly can, because that is the way my brain best processes. I don't have to like the group, and they sure don't have to like me. I need the program, and that's where I'll get it, whether it's because of the people, or despite the people. Resentment is a killer. I let those suckers go in a hot minute. I don't know any single person out there yet that is worth my getting loaded over. And I wouldn't give them that power in the first place.

I don't know if this reached you in any way. I am sad that you have this resentment, that your AA experiences have sucked, but I think of it as " My Program". Not Joe's, or Tom's, or Nancy's, etc. Mine. And nobody can touch or take away what is mine, unless, of course, I chose to give it away. And if it'll help, I will do that. But only if it'll help both of us.

Hang in there. Keep looking for a meeting where there aren't such narrow minds, where you can find the common denominators between you and the others, not the differences. And, keep coming back. If you chose to..... Chris

Hey Bite me!

How you doing, I felt like that for a bit, there are unfortunutly sick people in the rooms too, and some do ahve controlling issues, look at me! I cant even spell. For me the 12 steps is about getting better, and giving up what does not work for me , which is mainly self centered fear. i AM NO SAINT. I nearly punched someone at my home group as he was bullying me big time, ,I have not given up though as the thought of a drink/drug is a dark thought, I have discovered there are "sick" and "well" meetings. I have gone to one of these well meetings and no one has needed to bully me as they have no issues they have recovered. and I hope to too. A.A is a strange place! but I hope it works out for you! were are not all basket cases..

Hi there.  I have only been around the program for about 9 months and in that time I've relapsed twice.  Also in that time I have gone from feeling like AA and ALL of the people in it are saints and wonderful people to realizing that they are human and make mistakes and have different personalities and I don't have to like everyone and not everyone has to like me.  Part of my disease is this constant drive for people to like me, to "fit in".  But, as it says in the book, I can't rely on people to keep me sober and sane.  They will always eventually let me down. I MUST have a reliance on a Higher Power to help me.  So, today I focus on what is important---staying sober.  By trying to find my connection to my HP.  I used to drink over people ALL the time.  Like Wren said--today I choose not to let people have that kind of power over me. 

I have met some very kind and loving people in the program and also some who are not so kind and loving.  I am grateful for both because I have learned from both.  What to try to do to grow and become the person I know I can be, and also what I DON'T want to try to do and try to be.  Just my two cents on the subject.

I'm sorry your experience with AA has not been a good one.  I hope you stick around this board.  There are wonderful, kind and loving people here.  Take care.

Jen

Hi Biteme,

made me chukle this morning.

overcoming what you are describing on this Post is a biggy.  I looked at the word, resentment and over the years have learned to take on and battle any resentment first in my life, when then come up.  We all have this Disease, and what it made me think of was the Progression of this Disease. I was an AA relapser, for a 10 year period, and when I was looking at what could only be described as the sure end of my life, only then did I crawl back into the rooms of AA.

Can tell you that the people and what they had to say, or not say, I was pretty oblivious too, I was sitting in a chair everyday, in silence, claiming that chair as MINE, and spend the first year of recovery, just listening, and part of that listen included ignoring what I did not care to hear, like someone talking about their hair, or those that chose to come from a CONTROLING position, just threw it out in the round file on the way out the door, and the parts that I heard that were close to what this Program was about, as in the first 164 pages,  I let that stick with me, and would cherish those that I thought were getting well. For that is what I wanted to do, get well, but the PRIMARY reason I was sitting in those rooms everyday, had nothing to do with any person in any given room,  I was sitting there for only ONE Reason, I did not want to pick up a drink, and I was and still am an Alcoholic, and what do Alcoholics do, they drink, and if there was going to be a way to beat this Disease, I had to come together with this Program, no way around it.  I finally figured out that the Way out of this Disease had nothing to do with outside my own body,  I needed to work those Steps, and rigeously, the Steps are the way out, not any person place or thing,  It is Truly an Inside Job.  That has been my experience.

We all come in, I believe CoDependant as hell, and one of the books that helped me get out of the People Places and things concept was a book called CoDependant no more.  Read that book in my first year, in addition to The Big Book, I read everyday, but began releaseing myself from my own codependency on others.

So I hope that you will just stay on this Board, and get to know us here, I do not believe that I see any judgements here, 99% of the time. We try, I believe to get out of that personality stuff, and our aim is simple, Program, Program, and oh yeah, Program.

I also hope that with the love you might feel here, that it might just soothe your troubled mind, and do something for your Sobriety, and also Congratulations on that 1st year, you did that, so now there is not anything you cannot do, with your Higher Power.

Hugs to you, Biteme,

Toni

Hi BITEME...

LOL I can sooooo relate to where you are at with this!!

I have run into more than my share of this stuff while in AA. AA is indeed full of folks who mean well, but want to 'fix'... and feel they have the ability and the recipe to do so. Thing is, that is their stuff, not mine. As you know, in Chapter 5, it clearly states that "no human power could have relieved our alcoholism... God could and would, if he were sought". Sometimes I feel this passage is read aloud so often that people lose the actual meaning of those words. We get used to hearing it...

When I have gotten angry at AAers for offering non-AA advice or trying to 'fix', I gotta ask myself, "where, and in what situations am I myself doing this same thing??" Although I'd like to believe my intentions are good, sometimes my own desire to 'help' is a little too overbearing and demanding. I need to take an honest look at where I have fallen short of the ideal I put on others in the program. This gives me the ability to take the focus off them and put it back where it belongs; on myself and my actions. If I am happy with my own progress, I can just leave it at that, and continue to work my program and lead by example, not condemnation.

I had a situation like this last night, where I was present while another AA was having a very difficult time with an emotional problem outside of general recovery. Sure, I wanted to 'fix' it, make it all better, wanted to 'suggest a good counsellor who helped me', etc... But I had to look at my role as a sponsor. I simply listened and shared my experiences... and I clearly stated that I would NOT ADVISE this person on what to do, only let the person know that there are indeed options. I felt good about the 'session' afterward, and there was no doubt that God was controlling the situation, not me. It was a good 'test' for me. Can I simply be there for someone without inserting my opinions? Can I direct someone into the pages of the Big Book and not give Joni's recovery program? Easier said than done, but the results are often far better when I remember who's in charge.

There are people in AA who strongly believe in 'unwritten rules', like no relationships for 1 year, don't quit your job or get a new one, don't move, no major decisions, etc... what's 1 year anyway...??? Isn't this a 24 hour program?? I have, in recovery, been healthier at 3 months than at 2 years... LOL my point? If it ain't in the Big book, it ain't AA... it's someone's opinion... And if I'm going to work a good program, sometimes I just have to LET people have their opinions, and work their program, and simply open up my Book and work on mine. All being resentful ever did was hurt me...

Welcome to the site and hope you find friendship, love and truth here!!

Jonibaloni