Long story short...this girl from my meeting place relapsed this weekend. Just had 6 months and everything was great and then.........whammo. This shit hurts. You spend time around someone who's right in the same boat and then they fall off and it messes me up mentally/emotionally. I know I'm not getting drunk tonight but still the fact remains.
I spent the whole day with her washing cars for this benefit for the club and I had no idea. I didn't find out 'till this evening when I saw her at the meeting. First thing she asked this one guy was 'are you mad at me?' Of course he wasn't! All I want, and hopefully everyone else at the meetings, is the best for everyone whom touches our lives. Tonight I was there for her as a friend. Tried to keep the conversation positive and told her since I'm not working tomorrow to come over with her kids and we'll have romper room in my basement with my nephew of course! I consider my basement 'romper room.' Kids toys everywhere, not to mention computers!
Anyways, she said she'll come over, so I'm happy.
All I know is that it is my job in life to lend a helping hand to whomever may need it, whether their in the program or not. It's the next right thing. To do something to help another, without expectation of anything in return. That's what I did tonight. Just hope I can do it more often!
On a different note, I built my 1st computer yesterday and it works. Yay. Don't even feel good about that right now. I've got this thing, it's like a disease or something. It's called empathy, and I don't like it! Guess I'll just have to live with it and hope it doesn't kill me.
By the way, my computer flies now. It's got wings and everything. Yeah right. It is super fast though. Only the best for this alcoholic. Where would I be without an internet connection? Bad thought, don't even wan't to go there.
You wrote "All I know is that it is my job in life to lend a helping hand to whomever may need it, whether their in the program or not. It's the next right thing. To do something to help another, without expectation of anything in return."
Yu know something bud...?
Its taken you a few short months..to grab what you said, in that paragraph..
It took this kid over 20 years..
Hey man....You impress the "H" outa me...
As a recovering alcoholic....you are an example...of how it works...
Keep on truckin....
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
I feel such a kindred spirit with you as an AA... I struggled so bad before but this time I am really sarting to 'get it'... and I love to see you 'getting it' too...
I have often wondered if we AA's aren't a teeny bit more sensitive than some of the population...(when sober that is..) (ya' THINK!!??) I mean, to feel someone else's pain... so beautiful, so painful, so spiritual....
You have a wonderful time with all the kiddo's.... a basement full of tots would scare the daylights out of me!!
Something similar happened to me recently. I keep the birthday book for my home group and organise birthday cards for the AA birthdays. One guy had almost six months sobriety and he asked for the book. He crossed out his birthday and I felt truly saddened by it. He then shared that he had had a relapse and hated himself for it.
I so identified with you when you said that you felt empathy and that you didn't like it. It is one awful feeling. But, Justin, these feelings will pass and when you see that lady feeling strong and back on her personal path to sobriety you'll feel great, too. Well, that's how it felt for me. I'll keep you both in my prayers today.
Hey, well done on building a new computer! I'm glad that it flies.
Take care, won't you?
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
