I only got about 3 hours of sleep last night so I'm worn out... but I'm still feeling pretty good. I've had those ups and downs of getting sober... and I'm working on some things from my past that get me pretty down, I'm supposed to be journaling about it and I'm doing it in small doses so it doesn't affect me too bad. At first I really dove into it and I was so depressed for days and filled with anger and rage... I started feeling better a few days ago and now I'm feeling really good. Especially after hitting my 1 month.
But even though I'm feeling good I'm having to drag myself to meetings most days... during my first couple of weeks I really wanted to go, and I was going every night and some noon meetings... now I won't drag myself out of bed to go to a noon meeting (I sleep pretty late) and I'm having to drag myself to the 5:55 meetings. I'm not wanting to talk much in meetings... I share sometimes if I have something to say... but most the time I just don't have much to say or I just don't feel like talking. I feel like everything I say is really stupid. Or I relate a lot of things to my bipolar and not my alcoholism and I'm not going to sit there and talk about my bipolar which most people don't understand. And I *hate* when they make me read one of the cards at the beginning of the meeting. Some people don't push it on me but others I tell them I don't want to and they're like "here's a short one, read it anyway". Oooh that pisses me off. And I know I need to be trying to get more involved... that's just a really hard thing for me to do. My sponsor's getting me to call other women from the group now every now and then, mainly if I'm going to miss a meeting. I've called one other person there besides my sponsor. I know this is something I need to work on, getting more involved... and I do go to the meetings even if I don't want to, I know they say keep going to meetings until you want to go to meetings, so that's what I'm doing.
