I think you should tell your doctor what is going on. That is probably a good place to start. You are right. Your kids don't deserve this, your partner doesn't deserve it and YOU don't deserve it. Stop now and get better. This is not going to go away on its own.
ME AND MY PARTNER ARE GOING TO AN APPOINTMENT NEXT WEEK WHERE I AM GOING TO BE SEEING A DRUG/ALCOHOL COUNCLER AND HOPEFULY THEY CAN SORT ME OUT SOME SORT OF DETOX, I'M JUST HANGING ON BY THE SKIN OF MY TEETH TILL THEN
To me the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous are filled daily with people that CANNOT, NOT DRINK, but by the Miracle of this 12 Step Recovery Program, they do not drink.
Good to hear you going to a Doctor, that specializes in the field. I had to do that too.
So, my thoughts and Prayers go out to you that this Obsession with Drinking, I sure remember that part, will come to a conclusion.
When I was drinking I HAD to drink every day. I truly couldn't imagine my life with or without alcohol. When I hit my rock bottom I had my boyfriend staying with me. We had previously separated because of my alcoholism. I hit my personal rock bottom one evening and it resulted in one colossal argument and I so wanted to take my own life.
I truly didn't want to go on living like that. I knew that I couldn't go on any more. I 'phoned a woman in AA, it was the only 'phone number that I had kept from my time in AA 18 months earlier. I knew that there was a nearby meeting the next morning and I couldn't remember what time it started. Not only was she going to the meeting, but she was sharing from the top table.
I knew, right through me, that going back to AA was the only way for this alcoholic. I had tried everything that I could to keep sober and nothing had worked. I went back to AA with my ears and my heart as open as possible. Slowly, it really did start to work for me.
I still have problems in my life, but at least I am seeing them from a sober pair of eyes. It really does get better. It gets better by the day. When I have a 'bad day', it's vastly better than any good day I had when I was drinking.
I'm so pleased that you and your partner have an appointment next week. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Please let us know how you are getting on, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Some simple things that my sponsor told me to do each day-
1. Go to a meeting
2. Pray on my knees each morning, asking for help to stay sober, and say thanks at night, and try to meditate for 5 minutes or so too
3. Call another alcoholic and my sponsor
4. Work on the steps (starting with 1, then 2, etc) with a sponsor- You don't have to "wait" for the steps, if you did, a lot of us would not have made it-
Willingness....that's all that's required to take the first step towards recovery.
from 'How It Works'- Chapter 5 in the Big Book, pg58-59:
"Remember we deal with Alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One that has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!"
