My thoughts: When I started going to meetings in July 2005, I did what they told me, so I thought. I surrounded myself with the "winners". I went from being a drunk to an acutal contributing member, so I thought. I stopped going to meetings in April 2006, because those winners didn't "walk the talk". I felt used by some of them. I had extended the helping hand of AA and a few of them all but chewed my fingers off! Since I 'succeeded' in not drinking for another 3 months, I thought I would be OK. HA! I discovered in my drunken stupor 3 days ago, that I can't do this alone, no matter how much I want it, I need those meetings......I need those people. I feel like the "winners" I surrounded myself with are just SOBER. Ya know?! I realize we're all just human, but I was so disapointed, like the people in AA were some magic pill that I had become amune to. They talk about each other before and after meetings, some of them feel like they are "better" than others, they've said it to me. They do judge. (again, I know we're all just human). So, here's my dilema.........
How do I find a 'happy medium'? How do I take what I need, and leave the rest? How do I set boundaries?
Thanks again, for the heart felt welcome back.
Doll
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
First? I had to let go off resentment....and quit judjing them back...its their stuff...not mine...
Secondly I hadta stay away from these ego trippers and know it alls...and you gotta do this..stuff.."Let it go..."
You just do what yu gotta do for you kiddo....and every day is a new day...
I hafta turn brain off...on a daily basis.and quit analyzing the crap out of everything, and quit sweating the small stuff....Thinkin causes brain drain...and short circuits..:)
I hafta surrender...let go of control stuff..and just try to go with the slow Higher Power flow....daily...
Serenity Prayer taped to my nose....
Surrender and carry a big hammer?...well...um...maybe not the hammer...:)
You have the best day yu can eh....
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
For me, I had to develop a very thick skin and try my hardest to ignore folks that I felt didn't like me or that I didn't fit in. I have been going to one meeting for over eight months and felt that certain 'old-stagers' just didn't like me. I was asked to share from the top table recently, and despite my initial horror, I agreed. It was the best thing that I could have done. A lot of folk there shared back to me, or spoke to me after the meeting, saying that they hadn't really got to know me, but were so pleased that I had shared with them. I had to put my own personal fears and insecurities behind me.
At the end of the day, I go to my meetings to stay sober. I'm now not that bothered about what other folk think about me. I'm always cheerful (well, usually!) and helpful, but I won't get drawn into gossip and stuff like that. I want to feel peaceful at the end of a meeting.
Have a great day,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi Doll, I had to remember that before we are drunks we are human with all that goes with it. People gossip,but you don't have to be a part of it. One person who was my sponcer a long time ago loved gossip,I put her down because of it. But you know what,she had 20 something years in the program so she must be doing something right. I guess even after 20 years,it's all about progress not perfection. After being a "AA snob", I then got shunned because of my actions twards this person and I'm sure my name was in the gossip group. Now I just go to meetings and do my thing and go home. I think going a couple times a week to a few times a week is good for me. At first though when I relapsed I treated myself like a newbee and went to 90/90. I'v learned too that everyone has a right to be at the meetings even the gossip queens and kings.
Well for me, I had gone down that scale so far, that in my first year, after 10 years of Relapsing in this horrible disease, that my begining year was pretty silent, I sat there, trying to listen, kept reviewing the Steps up on the wall, reading just that first step, 200 times maybe, and I do remember the feeling of it being a solo thing, not really solo, just me and my Higher Power that had given me the strength to get there. I clearly recall the people that would approach me, that I found were kind, and I felt compassion from. The rest of the people, well, I cannot remember them.
Sometimes when I am waiting for a meeting to start, saying hi to those I kinda know, and talking to some that I have come to know. The rest, I cannot tell you about, I listen to their shares.
I can now protect myself, for if I let my mind stray to having a critical judgement, I can cut that thought off in a flash, before I make the error of judgement in my Alcoholic mind, for what am I doing? making a Judgement of someone I think is being Judgemental. Vicious, vicious circle, and how I do it, is to silence my thinking mind, with the memory of that first year, and ask myself silently, what am I doing here, and why am I here. First and second answer are right in the forefront of my mind, I am sitting in that chair for one reason, I am a recovery Drunk, and I am there for daily treatment of Alcoholics Anonymous, and MOSTLY to remember my PRIMARY relationship, and that is with my Higher Power, that I choose to call God. Then in that Silence I can become aware of anyone new, or not new that seems to be struggling, and really listen to them, and try to get a chance to speak to them after the meeting, mostly just to introduce myself and say hello. So much of the "Meeting" can be there after the meeting, it can feel to me like the real meeting, afterwards, with the one to one stuff.
When I was struggling last week with some old grief issues, and trying to get into the Present moment, and balance, or as you called it find the "happy medium", Justin made something up, off the top of his head, that is a definite KEEPER, for me, "When the Bubbles in the Middle, Put some nails in it."
Staying Mindful of each day, and each hour in it, to me is a full time Job, an ideal that I do not live up to every day, but I do try.
So good to see you here sharing with us again.
Do you have any Meditation tapes, I use one, just to silence this Alcoholic mind of mine, need to do it often.
Have you thought about driving to a meeting where you don't know anyone, maybe that would give you a fresh starting place.
P.S. that Steinbeck quote was very powerful, put thoughts into words, and thank you for that.
Toni
Jen, remember that saying from the '70s I think, "in a hundred years, is it going to matter?" One of my favorite daily thoughts.
There is a book titled "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I would suggest reading this book. It will help you learn to take what you need and leave the rest.
I've heard other alcoholics tell me that when they are at an meeting, when they hear people talk that they don't relate to they say the serenity prayer over and over in their head until that person is done talking. I can't tell you it works 'cause I've never tried it but it sounded good. Hope this helps
