when im with people I cant wait to get away because I feel less then and feel not part of, when im alone I want to be with someone, How do I cope being alone without just being miserable.
I've got a few questions for you. I was wondering how many meetings you go to a week. Do you talk about what you're going through at meetings? And are you working any steps with your sponsor. Is the same guy still your sponsor that you talked about a couple months ago.
I can see your hurting. I know when I start feeling lonely I tend to isolate sometimes. Not good for me. When I get in a funk now, what I do is go to meetings daily until I feel better and it usually doesn't take long to feel better. There is so much joy and hope at A.A. meetings and in the fellowship!
I personally would like to get to know you a bit. It seems to me that there is only one person on here who you talk to. Why is that?
Not trying to be rude or anything. I just think you should let people get to know you a lil bit. Only then can you get help when you need it.
I find it hard talking sometimes, i dont wish to be rude
i do read, but takes alot to speak, i am getting better. i am just weary of folks thats all, i dont really have any friends and when people dont talk to me it confirms my beliefs.
i go to 3 meetings a week and am at step 6 now- I talk to Rob on here, but have spoke to phil as well, I am not ignoring other people, but I dont tend to talk to others as I am a little shy to just introduce myself, and that may not make sence but I am real nervous!
I am 26 and live in nottm, and am pretty shy. but I am friendly once I come out my shell. I appreciate the talk. Rob, ps thanks
I have been reading your post and the thread from it, too. I could really associate with you on a lot of points. You mentioned being shy and not really talking to people. I'm just the same. (When I used to drink, it made me feel more out-going.) And, I'm on my step 6 at the moment, too.
I do agree with Justin and Phil about doing more meetings when the going gets tough. I have found that they really help. It took me months to be able to share for the first time at one of my regular meetings. I just had a mental block about it. But, when I did, I found that folk came and talked to me after the meeting. I guess that I will always be shy, but I am trying my hardest to overcome it. My sponsor is really helping me on that, too. She's a great woman and I am starting to be able to really open up to her, especially as she heard my step 5.
Whenever I feel lonely, I go out for a walk. I usually manage to say 'hi' to other folk who are out walking. I usually live on my own and sometimes the loneliness gets to me. So, I go out and get some fresh. Even if I don't talk to anyone, it makes me feel better for having done something.
With all best wishes,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Do you talk about what you're going through at meetings?
My sponcer has told me only to share about positive stuff at meetings which seems a little odd. I dont want to be false but thats lying if I say my life is great and I feel something else.
I am going to a meeting tomorrow and going to get a few phone numbers, I keep wanting to do that but the shyness puts me off,. I think it is time for a nap my eyes are tired., I hope I can talk to you guys again, I will try and push myself to talk.
Thanks for the honesty Robert. I remember the first time I got sober. I would go to meetings and act like I knew everything about everything. You bring up a topic and I have all the solutions. Remember this was me! I have learned some hard lessons since then. Now when I go to meetings I try and speak more from the heart than the mind. The weird thing is I think people actually listen to me now. Go figure that! LOL! The way you feel, being nervous and shy, I'm like that around some of the normal people in life without alcohol or drug problems. It's getting better though.
For me, I have always called myself, and Extroverted-Introvert. And if I start feeling a sense of Lonliness, I believe that the Introverted Part has over taken the Etrovert.
It is in the Meetings, Meetings, and more Meetings where I can get into a better state of mind. There is a second name for AA meetings, they call them "Attitude Adjustment" meetings, and they really do change my attitude.
When I do feel really "alone" I do not like to feel like that, that is for sure, it can get me into a False Illusion that feels REAL. Like no one likes me, maybe I should not go, that to me is the Alcoholic part of my Brain, that keeps nagging at me at times. It will PUSH me back into those meetings so fast, I will double up on them, and then the extroverted part of me is back. That is what it takes for this Alke.
I have read article about people in general, not just us alkes, that all feel at times, a complete sense of isolation, just comes with being in the Human race. But I am so Grateful that we, as Recovery Alcoholics have a Solution to this Problem.
When I moved to this area, I would go to meetings, start missing my home meetings, and would go home, thinking no one is interested, no one is talking to me. Then it OCCURED to me, that I NEED TO OPEN UP, IT WAS NOT THEM, IT WAS ME.
So I went back, forced myself, to approach people, and I talked about in one meeting, I really opened up and said I did not feel like I was a Part-of in this group.
That was a real break-through for me, the people opened up to me, I opened up to them, and have never ever felt that I was not a Part of anymore. I am sorry you have a Sponsor that does not feel sort of like a friend, at least completely on your side, becuase you are relatively new in this Fellowship.
Try looking for, even asking about any people going out to coffee after the meeting. I know it would be hard, but if we really want things to improve, we have to PUSH ourselves. Or try talking about the lonliness you feel. Alcoholics are VERY compassionate people, and i believe it would be the end to your feeling lonly.
I would be willing to bet you that if you went to a meeting everyday, you attitude about how you feel about the meetings would change. They are for the most part very Positive energy, and that Positive energy can be contagious. That's how it feels to me.
I now have a co-sponsor, that is a great person, and we have become Buds, we talk everyday, see each other at meetings, most meetings. But how did that come to pass, I approached her.
Hope these growing pains ease up a little.
Remember how we had to reach out in the beginning, like only the dying can reach out, just Reach out.............. let it begin with me, is what I use sometimes.
I am Dori from Texas nice to meet you.Robert I some times isolate my self and it about not just trying to fit in it is also about knowing I matter knowing I got something to give something to say.I push my self when I get in that funk .Feelings are feelings and they pass.
I had a sponsor tell me once meetings are where you can practice liveing in the world go to meetings share let people see tyour big heart which i have got a glimpse of seeing you respond to Rob.
and after a meeting ask someone to coffee and start from there if you got a sponsor speand time with them.
Post here share your heart on who you are.Robert you are worth getting to know and you have some thing to offer and what you say matters. dori
Not gona say much im so tired, gona get back into bed in a minute.,.. But i wanted you to know i read you post.
I can relate in many ways. All these people around with their lives so seemingly intact. Confident, laughing and relating to eachother.
I know im not exactly mr experienced when it comes to aa but holy parc what a load of rubbish your sponsor is sayin to you that you should only speak about possitive stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are here cos we need help. Talking about the negative stuff is what we need help with .. or just to offload ... And hope someone relates to us ... so we dont feel so alone, singled out..
I mean being an alcoholic is not exactly a possitve thing is it.. but saying that i am is!...
So what should i say... "Hi im Robert im an alcholic... but its great!.. im not unhappy at all, everything is fine, i couldnt wish for a better life... everything is just fine and dandy.. dont worry i wont tell you if anything in my life is bad in any way....." lol.
I think its just at, if not MORE important to share the negative stuff than the possitive.. Just to try and stay on the ladder.. Girl at the meeting friday shared how bad she was feeling, when i left i saw her outside and another guy was talking to her... If she hadnt have shared would he still have been talking to her? (didnt hear what they said but he was blatently trying to help her).
My share last night wasnt exactly a possitive share.. but sharing it was a possitve thing.. if you get me..?
Anyway mate just wanted to post so you know im reading and to hopefully make you feel just a little bit less alone.. Im going back to bed now.. im knackered.
