Theyre having the yearly BBQ at work today and me and mate at work spent most the afternoon setting stuff up.. Im not going myself.. All food and ALL drink is free but i dont wana go. Anyway cos i had helped out alot and cos i wasnt going the woman in charge made me take home some free alcohol!!.. Geese.. I had said no it was fine.. but she was like NO.. TAKE SOME.. so i chose a cider id never had before. That clicked the switch for me. I had spent ALL day thinking about going to the meetin in marlow tonight but that free drink flicked my switch.. ffs..
I came home and actualy i only had one of those drinks but had some of my normal. I had decided now that i wasnt goin to the meeting.. ffs. p'd off with myself etc.. Anyway after a couple of drinks or so i started to think otherwise..
I went to the meetin tonight.. first one in about 9 weeks or more.. When i got there 2 or 3 guys or more shook my hand and introduced themselves but i can t rem their names properly i was dying for the loo when i got there...
Meeting ok.. Some was quite emotional... One girl was very emotional as she talked about her stuff and how her recovery was not nice at all and that "if this is sobriety then give me alcohol" or words to that effect because she just couldnt handle stuff and she just felt so emotionaly sensitive sober..
I didnt really react much to stuff, people laughed etc.. i didnt feel particulaly high.. Bless the dog though.. woman next to me, seen her with dog the other times too. she had her dog and he was sniffing around me at first.. i love dogs..
I felt that i really wanted the courage to talk.. but i was not with it enough, to tired and under the influence. I realy wanted the courage to speak but wasnt ready for it tonight.. Too much of a jumble in my head.
Some guy did say something to me as i left the building..i just turned round and said thanx. i wasnt too sure what he had said.. just heart something then "mate.."..
Then got a take away and came home..
I had been to the shop before hand to buy more drink to make sure i had enough when i got out of meeting so i didnt have to worry about that....
FFs.. what a complete ass (donkey, not sw**r word).
I have, as i said, been so low today.
A friend of mine (real, not net friend) who i kinda lost contact with for quite a while has ..well weve been talking again this week.. quite alot.. She knows all about me and my situation... Weve talked alot.. Geese even though iv woken up and forgotten what weve talked about shes been cool with that.. Shes phoned me a few times this week and weve talked loads.. That has helped alot.. Its great to have someone else to talk to at the moment.. Shes not an A but has had other stuff in her life and is a very understanding person so i can tell her pretty much anything and its cool. She thinks i should askd doctor for one to one councelling. I duno right now..
Im glad i went to aa tonight even though i couldnt relate that much with main speaker.
I dont know if im any closer to recovery or anything... But i went tonight... Tomorrow is another day..
Dont worry im not posting this to gain any special interest or sympathy, I just wanted to post .. thats all... and i know some people have been asking me to post how things are going..
Kind of funny that you mentioned you couldn't remember those peoples names at the meeting. Ask anyone on this board how hard it is at first to remember anything after coming to A.A. initially! I had a hard time remembering names. I knew the face but couldn't place the name if my life depended on it. The cool thing about this is you just keep asking people their names. They laugh a little bit about it and say I'm so and so. I think they laugh because they remember how hard it was at first to remember anything. Just my take.
Im just kinda urinated off (shouldnt offend people) cos tonight has been so long coming.. i want to do loads of meetings but i keep bottling out.. it was the drink that made me come tonight.. catch 22 !!
I REALLY appreciated the guys introducing themselves tonight.. but wish i could rem their names.. i think one of them was Colin. !
It's good to hear that you have got to a meeting tonight. I was thinking about going to one in the morning, but then I started to think that I wouldn't bother. The more I think that I won't bother, the more I know that I should go. But, that's just me!
Don't worry about not being able to remember the names from this evening. It took me months to get to know most of the regulars at one of my meetings. I still get one poor guy's name wrong! He's given up on me and just laughs.
Perhaps your friend is right and you could ask your GP about one on one counselling. It could be worth mentioning it. But, in the meantime, you can think about it.
Take care, Rob,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
You know what Rob. I can understand ya being a little 'urinated off'. But if you look at it in a different light, you did the right thing today, you drank but you went to a meeting and listened to the message. That is a definite start. A good one at that. In this 24 hour period you accomplished some positive things. Don't let the negatives overpower that.
This is the first time I have posted in a week, when I introduced myself. The reason for this is because I have slipped 2 times...I drank..and I respect, Rob, that you have admitted it and accepted it and moved on. I drank a bottle and a half of wine on Monday and on Thursday. I refuse to beat myself up..it's still sooooo much less than before. I've been hesitant to post or commit to not drinking "forever", because im afraid of disappointing myself, and others.
I have just planned at least 3 meetings for the next week..l know I need it.
well I am 2- stepping and singing .Well maybe not but it so great you went to a meeting.I remember the first probably 6 months of meetings I dont hardely rememeber what any one or what they said.I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.The reality of the pain was deeper then me going to a meeting so good going,Yes I am one of those people who want you to post .it is progress not perfection and the last time I looked i wasnt perfect ha WELL ask my kids they will tell you.
dori- ps 2 steping is Texan danceing not the 2nd step in canse any one was wondering
This is the first time I have posted in a week, when I introduced myself. The reason for this is because I have slipped 2 times...I drank..and I respect, Rob, that you have admitted it and accepted it and moved on. I drank a bottle and a half of wine on Monday and on Thursday. I refuse to beat myself up..it's still sooooo much less than before. I've been hesitant to post or commit to not drinking "forever", because im afraid of disappointing myself, and others. I have just planned at least 3 meetings for the next week..l know I need it. I know how this struggle is .................. Let's help each other
I know exactly what you mean about dissapointing yourself and others. I beat myself up quite alot though about different stuff, im hoping beating myself up will get it into my thick head to sort myself out. I compare myself to my friends and other people around me quite abit and see what they have going for them that i should have and maybe would have if i pulled my finger out. I keep planning on going to meetings then letting myself down by not going, so im really pleased that i went last night. Its good that you havent drank every day this week I had 3 days sober last week but back onto it after that, i drank when i got back from the meeting yesterday but im not beating myself up about that too much right now. I feel alot better now that 3 of my close friends know about my problem... well they knew anyway but now that i actualy talk to them about it.
Hi , well I am 2- stepping and singing .Well maybe not but it so great you went to a meeting.I remember the first probably 6 months of meetings I dont hardely rememeber what any one or what they said.I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.The reality of the pain was deeper then me going to a meeting so good going,Yes I am one of those people who want you to post .it is progress not perfection and the last time I looked i wasnt perfect ha WELL ask my kids they will tell you. dori- ps 2 steping is Texan danceing not the 2nd step in canse any one was wondering
Lol im glad you said you meant dancing cos i read it as 2nd step at first. Thanx. And yeah im terrible with names anyway, im great with faces but not names and i was more anxious of gettin to the loo cos i was busting..lol.
So happy that you made a decision to go. That is what count's. I have to admit the thing that jumped out at me, was that you were drinking and driving.
This feels like everyone is going to be throwing me over some flying rotten eggs, for this prospective.
But it was what was in my thinking, and we have to remain Honest in this Program.
Probably things are different in the UK, it would appear that way, in this Country, the laws have changed so radically here, that to drink and drive, is something that is a whole other story, than going to a meeting.
Nevertheless, my friend, I am happy for you that you made the decision to go.
This message is sent with Love and caring, Rob, just not being the grinch here, hope you know that.
Hi There Rob, So happy that you made a decision to go. That is what count's. I have to admit the thing that jumped out at me, was that you were drinking and driving. This feels like everyone is going to be throwing me over some flying rotten eggs, for this prospective. But it was what was in my thinking, and we have to remain Honest in this Program. Probably things are different in the UK, it would appear that way, in this Country, the laws have changed so radically here, that to drink and drive, is something that is a whole other story, than going to a meeting. Nevertheless, my friend, I am happy for you that you made the decision to go. This message is sent with Love and caring, Rob, just not being the grinch here, hope you know that. Hugs, Toni -- Edited by Toni Baloney at 09:54, 2006-07-08
I had 3 days sober last week but back onto it after that, i drank when i got back from the meeting yesterday but im not beating myself up about that too much right now. I feel alot better now that 3 of my close friends know about my problem... well they knew anyway but now that i actualy talk to them about it.