Hi there, I am starting to get worn out at work again, I have the type of manager who does not recognise achievement, but you do something wrong and he jumps all over you.
It is doing my head in, he just stares at me, like he is looking for something, oh it makes me feel uncomfortable.
today I made a big Co+k up at work and it is possible I may get into trouble, I have been very honest in the past and owned up when done something wrong but the managers abuse this and still give me warnings, so this time I left it and tried to cover it up, I have not been caught yet but am now anxious incase I do get caught, if I tell my manager the truth it is 99% sure that he will use it as a tool, its not certain I will get caught, and what I did was a accident.
I hate it how I feel like this, and I cant talk to my sponcer about it because the usual thing is "your not working the program", its funny I dont hear from him when times are hardbut when all is good, he feeds his ego.
Man I am in a emotional mess, within the last 3 months I have picked up a drug and started gambling again, yes im sober but the addiction has moved, I have not been supported # dont know what to do! very scared. I know im not the only one to be like this and I know it may seem selfish to want sympathy but im not asking for the poor me's just the solution.
Dont know what to share with yu buddy...except to say..that "I understand"
All I know for sure is..."I hafta live with me...my actions...my thoughts..and if I screw up...? yup...I gotta come clean...and get the problem solved....or it can cause anxiety levels to go right through the roof....and it can take me right back to the bottle...eventually...
I know also..that I wont work in an envirenment...that I dont enjoy...unless Im down and out financially...
Im the type of alcoholic...that ..If Im pushed hard enough by someone else...and its impossible to walk away...Im going to cross a line where Ile react...in the wrong way...and likely feel sorry for it after...Ive had it happen..
I guess all Im simply saying...is.."My peace of mind..and sobriety..hafta come first..." "At any cost"...or theres nothing...absolutely nothing gained...
Dont know if I made any sense Mate...
Thinkin about yu...
__________________
"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
I guess what this program has taught me in a bad/good way is that when the pain gets to a point where I can't take it anymore I have choices to make and hopefully I make the right choice. Nothing changes when nothing changes. Love that saying! I think we all know what the next right thing to do is. Just have to act on it. This is a program of action and asking for help is a definite start.
I heard a saying a while back which I've heard numerous times since. "We are the only big book some people will ever see."
How do I demonstrate this program in my daily life? By no means am I saying to tell anyone your an alcoholic. Just saying that it is your duty to yourself to allow this program to work through you and to be an example of what the steps are all about in day to day living.
I liked what Justin said about change. "when we don't change, nothing changes..."
The only thing in the whole world that has ever been able to change ME (cuz' I couldn't change myself no matter how hard I tried) was the Steps. Using them to learn how to inventory, admit, make amends, and ultimately forgive myself. I did not know the proper use of an apology until I got into the Program.
Have you ever tried working the Steps, friend? Maybe that would help with your other addictions, too. I know of a lot of folks who were not only drinkers, but gambled, did drugs (like I did) and had a myriad of other problems. The Steps seemed to get people to a point spiritually where a lot of these things, if not completely arrested, were made a whole lot better.
It is hard to comment on your situation, not knowing exactly what it is that you did. But you have a reason for that, and I respect that.
