I have to confess this...I am totally and completely sitting on The Steps. I am procrastinating getting to Step 4. I recently went back to Step 1, right...I think I shared that a few weeks back...anyhow....my Sponsor is kicking me in the ass big time for it, she's cool beans and she keeps reminding me of The Promises and whatnot, and I want them, I do...but I'm just annoyed right now with the "pressure" of working The Steps. I"m coming up 6 months sober....and I feel that I truly am right where I'm supposed to be yet my Sponsor and others in the Fellowship keep telling me that I need to get moving in The Steps. I appreciate their advice and concern but there's a part of me that wants to tell them all to PISS OFF! haha
How well I understand where you are coming from. I have been back in AA for eight months and I have only just completed my steps 4 & 5. I had been putting them off and thinking that I was soooo too busy. But, I finally got round to doing them. I wasn't under any pressure from my sponsor, but I was starting to put myself under pressure. I just feel really great that I did them. I was dreading taking a close look at myself, but after many tears I did and all I can say is that today I have felt lighter than I have in many years.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Well it took many years for my drinking to turn into Alcoholism, and then it took many years as an active alcoholic, to get into this Program.
I heard a man with a lot of time speaking privately (well not out of my hearing range) say to three young men he was sponsoring, if you are having a hard time with any Step, no matter which one that may be, simple, go back to the previous one and stay on that Step, until you feel you are ready to advance to the next.
What good SOLID and wise advice that was, I never forgot that, and I borrowed it, and decided to keep it.
I personally had a history in my Relapse Career, of getting a Sponsor, being pushed into the steps, rushed thru them, and I did the dance of 1, 2, 3, Drink, more times that I can remember, for one reason, I was NOT Ready to go forward, at the pace that a Sponsor had me going at. And when it was pushed really hard on me to do a 4th step, well, I would begin, and then get scared and leave the Program, and of course drink.
So, can you just tell your Sponsor, that YOU DO NOT FEEL READY??????
Hope so, if you have not completely digested the 3rd Step, and are ready to go forward then that is where YOU are.
Just my take here, nothing more. Certainly do not want to step on your Sponsor's toes here, hope that I did not do that.
I'm going through exactly the same thing. I've been having long talks with people after meetings about the fourth. I've asked a ton of questions. Think I kind of came to a decision after all this talking. The only thing holding me back right now is the fact that my sponsor wants me to do the 5th with him. It's not going to happen. That's my decision. I'm going to have to talk with my sponsor about this and he should understand. That will take the weight off me and a ton of concern about doing my 4th.
Don't know if this helps but I can totally relate to your post!
I had started my step four early in my program but it just was not the right time to do it - I was not ready. Now a few months later I know that I am ready and I am just about finished. On Monday evening went to a birthday and afterwards I had a chat with the speaker - he told me that he was nine years into the program before he did his step four and five. After he did it, he had wished that he had done it much sooner because he could not believe how much better he had felt. It was like the rock was lifted off of his shoulders and he could breath again. Went to a meeting last night and to my surprise we did step five. Here is the part that caught my attention:
Our next problem will be to discover the person in whom we are to confide. Here we ought to take much care, remembering that Prudence is a virtue which carries a high rating. Perhaps we shall need to share with this person fact about ourselves which no others ought to know. We shall want to speak with someone who is experienced, who not only has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other serious difficulties. Difficulties, perhaps, like our own. This person may turn out to be one's sponsor, but not necessarily so. If you have developed a high confidence him, and his temperament and problems are close to your own, then such a choice will be good. Besides, your sponsor already has the advantage of knowing something about your case.
Perhaps, though, your relation to him is such that you would care to reveal only a part of your story. If this is the situation, by all means do so, for you ought to make a beginning as soon as you can. It may turn out, however, that you'll choose someone else for the more difficult and deeper revelations. This individual may be entirely outside of A.A. - for example, your clergyman or your doctor. For some of us, a complete stranger may prove the best bet.
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-- Edited by jeannie at 08:55, 2006-07-05
-- Edited by jeannie at 09:11, 2006-07-05
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
Don't anybody hate me for this post, but here's my experience.
I tried to stay sober many times without doing a 4th Step. I was just not willing to go to any lengths. I wanted all the blessings of a clear conscience and recovery... I wanted the promises to come true without my having to do the work.
So right after I did my Third Steps prayer, I thought, "How do I know for sure what God's will is for me?" An answer came to me, and that was, "Well, working the rest of the steps is certainly a good place to start." Even though I felt good, with all that garbage and falseness inside me, I didn't know which end was up, let alone have a clear enough conscience to feel that little 'gut-feeling' I now get when I am clearly in the wrong. I finally did a thorough 4th Step and continued on with the rest of the Steps. So I maybe didn't remember everything the first time around... I just kept working the Steps, in order, over and over again. Each time they have become more meaningful.
I agree we must be ready to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we undertsand Him, or there is no point in taking Step 4. But I was shown, in the book, where it says right after the third Step prayer that the feeling we got when we did step 3 would soon fade if we didn't get busy getting down to the causes and conditions. It says, "Next, we LAUNCHED out on a course of rigorous action..." To me, the word 'launched' meant right now. It meant that part of God's will for THIS alcoholic was to, for one thing, keep moving forward in the Steps, since my prior complacency did not serve me too well...I think the first real fear I turned over in Step 3 was the fear of step 4...So I worked my 4th willingly, straight from the book, completing what was asked of me one sentence at a time. I had completed my 4th and 5th by the time I was 2 months sober. Just for ME, I thought, "How long do I want to stay sick?" That propelled me into Steps 4-12.
I will agree, wholeheartedly, that this is how I interpreted the program of recovery as outlined in the Big Book. For some reason, I have not had one single urge to drink or use drugs that was more than one iota-of-a-second long in the past 17 months. But we are all different, and Dana, I respect that fully. I was horribly sick, had been arrested nearly 30 times, had been to psyche wards, had tried recovery before, though not with the fervor that I grabbed on this time. I had had 5 DUI's by age 24. Maybe that was why I chose to do these steps the way I did. I was terrified of staying sick any longer than necessary. I feared staying the same more than I feared anything else.
So as it is said, 'take what you need and leave the rest'. Read the Big Book and pray... the answer will come, if you are ready and willing.
Bless you in your walk, and congrats on 6 months!!
