You long-timers teach me by example, how to be a bit more GENTLE with life (I have a looonnnggg way to go on that one!!).... I have been, and still struggle with, EXTREMISM..... LOL
What I mean is, I got so beat up the last time out, and FLEW back into AA, as if running into a bomb-shelter... In my recovering days here, I tend to run full-long toward whatever my focus is. Heck, I ran toward my addiction in much the same fashion, barely a 'toe' still on the ground!!
When I was given back the ability, through the Steps, to functionagain, I have gone in spurts to be a Super-wife, a Super-employee and a Super-duper-friend. There is nothing at all wrong with delighting in being able to function and handle various roles... but WHEW!!!! Gotta remember that this programWORKS ME.... That no matter how fast or long I run, even if in the right general direction, I need to remain calm and even "CHILL"...LOL... at times. I am sooo so afraid of 'resting on my laurels' again... but if I have to be vigilant about something in my life, let it be AA. No one ever died as a result of too much AA... (is that possible?) ....
But I do want to thank a lot of you Old-Timers, and also my old-timers who are physically active in my life and recovery, for being so GENTLE and solid. For reminding me to 'breath...' For reminding me that this is a maturation-marathon, not a sprint. And for letting me be that wild and wonderful and excited person shouting from the mountaintops... Just have to remember that I can't be ALL things at ALL times. I am neither always right, nor always wrong. I am not always going to have this rocket-fuel-of-excitement burning in me. Have to pay attention to GENTLE people and learn how to LET... for those times when the fuel tank is on E......
Life by no means has to be 'bland'... but Gosh Golly, EASY DOES IT!!!!!
I am prepping myself for a down-day. What this consists of, is NOT an isolation-day, so much as a day of relaxing, listening, reading and re-energizing. I need at least one of these a week, as at 16 months, I am still very much new, and hope to remain 'new' and teachable. So wish me luck in being a blob for one day..... :) I will let you all know if I am CAPABLE of this!!!!! Dunno.... it is pretty hard to do at times... always something that I could be getting done... LOL But rejuvenation is also an IMPORTANT accomplishment that needs to take place... I should move that a little higher up on my endless list of to-do's.....
I thought when I read this, You Silly, nothing wrong with being "high Spirited"
The alkie mind. have to tell you, that my co-sponsor and I ran into an "impass" sort of, stopped talking almost every day, last week.
Over the week-end, what did I do with that, Fear came in and I started thinking, I guess she does not want to be my friend anymore. poor little me, boo hoo, right?
Anyway, I ran into her Monday in the Grocery Store, and we started talking, and when she asked me "how are you doing?" I just said it, "well I have just been in so much fear lately, not related to reality, just Fear, I even started thinking you did not want to be friends anymore", She just started laughing so hard, she could barely get the words out. she said, "that's what I THOUGHT, you did not want to be friends with me anymore", then we both started laughing so hard. It was such a cleansing feeling, she has 30 years in this Program, got started very young, and I will have 17 years, in September, you would think that with the time in the Program, you would think we would or should be better. An alke is an alke, nothing changes that.
We have since talked 3 times on the telephone, and are having lunch today, everything is back on track, running just like before.
It was actually very refreshing to know, that we are still "green" in this 12 Step Program. Personally, from just that experience, I can see that I will probably never be seen as an "Oldtimer" and that is a VERY VERY GOOD Thing.
Good to know that both of us will never be seen as member's that have any answers, cause obviously we don't have any answers, hahahahaha! Thank You God for that.
But have to say Joni, I love the "energy" you bring to this Forum. So high-spirited, and watching you kind of boo hooing that, just a little, I said to myself, Yep, there's my sister Joni, a true alke.
Wouldn't it be so great to just give our "fears" one BIG Kick in the A...!, and have them be gone.
I am trying to recall, but not successfully, where it is written, "to be extreme in everything, Praying, loving, giving, living", Oh, well, maybe the origin of that will come to me later.
16 minutes, 16 days, 16 months, 16 years, it is all the same to me, in this 24 hour daily reprieve INCREDIBLE, and wonderful, life saving Program. One of my favorite Slogans in this Program, is 24 hours is the RECORD.
Hope you have a wonderful, p e a c e f u l day, Joni Oni Woni.
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