christ! i am so sorry to you all, cabbageheadchris for one for 'finding streanth in my situation' and all the reast of you for putting up with me going on about me me me.
i am sorry that i am me i am sorry that i have a weakness, i am sorry that i am human, i am sorry that i have had a drink.....there i said it
i am sorry that i don't contribute to the rest of you on your 'shares' i just find it hard, i don't know where i am coming form at the moment.
you all know what happend to me and i DO NOT want this to be the rest of my life.
yeah sh** happens everyday of the week to a million diffrent people so why should i be an exception?
the thing with me is i suffer with health anxiety aka hypacondria.
i know this has nothing to do with the site, but i just need real bad to vent, i feel every day of my life that i am going to have a heart attack, and it scares the living daylights out of me, i don't want sympathy, i just need to get this out.
i have had a drink because i have a rough couple of weeks as you know, but this is no excuse.
and yes i know alcohol does nothing for anxiety, but i got to the point where i was in so much phyisical pain i had to do something....i am too scared to take my meds because of the side affects :( and missed my first nut doctor appointment as i was in hospital.
this is me this is who i am, i am sorry to say.
by no means do i or have i drunk nearly as much as i use to i can now call it quits but i just need to let you all know what i am doing. i am ashamed at myself and i am hurting, but this is the only thing that helps me be me, if you know what i mean.
i do go to an anxiety site, and that helps some days but others it just makes me worse.
i am sorry to go on and on and on about me, but i have no one else to talk to and i think you are all such lovely people that i feel bad not telling you about my struggles,
you are / were there for me when i nedded you and thats what counts.
besideds that i couldn't drink what i did before it makes me sick.......so that good ( isn't it?)
you are a great bunch of people and i thankyou so much for being here....
oh flumpy, people make mistakes every day. We learn through our mistakes. For you to come here & tell everyone means you WANT the help. That is step number one. Dont be sorry to say "this is you & that is what you are" You are a tremendously brave person. It takes alot of guts to come clean about something you did--the thing is, I think everyone here knows exactly where you are coming from. There are many days when I dont where I am coming from either. No matter how easy some of us may make it look it certainly isnt. For many of us it takes many years to conquer this disease. Dont beat yourself up--instead, pick yourself up & tell yourself that you are so worth it! You cant do it if you give up--keep trying & give yourself some credit!
No reason to be sorry at all. This is what the site is here for. This is what AA is here for. Please keep posting as much as you like. You are contributing. You are helping me. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Please do not apologize Flumpy. Please keep coming back. This is how the program works. One alcoholic sharing their experience, strength and hope with another.
but ya know here i am in horrible grief, feeling bad, etc, and ya know what i am doing?????
and this works!!! at least for me....i am getting OUT of my self , (even tho i am working HARD the first 4 steps) i get OUT of me and i MAKE me help others.....i surf the posts and i MAKE me , get out of me for a sec and help someone ELSE....
by giving i am receiving......by giving it away, it is comming back to me......
i help ME, when i answer OTHERS posts and help them......giving SOMETHING that SOMEONE can use......
keep venting, yes, but do give what i said a try......getting out of ME, takes my mind of my s*** and i am blessing another which blesses me.......peace/ rosie
