To anyone who is reading this and is currently going threw treatment or has gone threw treatment, i would like to congradulate you. I come from a home from a drinker who i loved deeply and was not a bad person. This person did not get treatment and unfortunatly passed away from the disease. He left behind a whole family, children, a spouse, and people who loved him dearly. This has not been easy to deal with, knowing what killed him, and not wanting to tell people the true reason. But to the people who are getting the help they need for themselves and their loved ones i applaud you, because you are giving yourself the chance to see your children grow up, your grandchildren grow up and the lived healthier lives, which unfortunatly some people can not achieve.
But before ending i will say this, I do not hate this person, hold any griviences with them, I just miss this person dearly, and I don't want anyone else to have to feel the way me and my family feels. So if this posting helps anyone, i am very greatful.
Daddys Girl--its scary how much this disease steals from a person. The person drinking & their loved ones. No matter how much a person drinking loves someone it isnt always enough to make them quit. Its like something completely blocks out their mind from their past & only lets them remember the way they feel while they drink. It makes them want more alcohol & nothing else. Its really very sad. Dont be ashamed of what killed him--there are so many people out there that are alcoholics who can hide it so well. You couldnt control it & neither could he. Take it from me, I love my children more than life itself but that still wasnt strong enough to make me not drink. That to me is really scary. Some people no matter how strong they may seem for some reason cannot break out of the drinking. No matter how much they want to stop or no matter how much they know they are hurting themselves & their family they just cant overcome it.
I hope someone reads your post who is trying to stop & just cant seem to. I bet it will help them realize what this disease is really capable of doing if they dont stop. I dont believe anyone who is still drinking really wants to die.
Thank you for your post & I hope you have a wonderful day--take care!
I have two grown daughters of my own. I have many regrets for the times that alcohol dimmed each precious moment we spent together when they were growing up. In spite of my drinking, they and I did, and still do, have a great father-daughter relationship. Now that they are both adults, with lives of their own, our relationships have grown into warm friendships (with them and their husbands). I know that I am incredibly fortunate that we made it past my alcohol problems to this point.
Knowing how much I love my daughters, my heart aches for your loss of your father. I thank whatever powers that be in this universe that the disease did not take me to that point.
If you have never visited Alanon, I think that you might find some comfort and understanding from doing so. There is a link to an Alanon page on the Miracles In Progress main page.
I just wanted to say that I feel for you, the Disease of Alcoholism, ravages so many families in this country, and around the world, has done so, since the discovery of Alcohol, going back so many years, I cannot count that far.
Alcoholism is a Disease, a Medical Disease, according to the American Medical Association. It is a Disease, different than most, effects the moral fiber of the individual that suffers with the Disease, and has always been, at least to my way of thinking, a Shame Based, Fear Based Disease, and that same Shame and Fear ripples out to the family members, who are left with so much confusion, frustration, "Why can't our love save him, why are we not enough".
I had for many, almost 10 years of my life, the priveledge of having a friend that was one of the dearest human beings I have ever known. He was working with the Sherrifs Dept. of his town, and at the age of 45, diagnosed with Chronic Progressing M.S.. I met him at when he was 57, could no longer work at a Desk Job for the Sherrifs. Dept. was now confined to his home, with a Health Care worker, that spent 12 hours a day attending to his needs. I witnessed this Disease take his entire body in the next 10 years, he was a full quadrapalegic, had a good mind, a spiritual life of almost a Saint, never let his Disease get him down, laying there now unable to use his one arm that had been his life saver for years. I would visit him and his family every week, he was allowed to get up twice a day, out of his bed, with the help of his caregiver, using a Hoyer Lift, and wheel around in his automatic chair. Always a smile on his face, maybe a good joke he had saved for me. He loved to laugh and did so more that most people I knew. His Disease took his life with a pnumonia, at the end of those now ll years.
You probably are thinking, what in the heck is she talking about???? What does this have to do with my father.
Well my opinion is that they were two different men, that died of two different Diseases. Both family were devastated by their individual experiences with these crippling Diseases.
Alcoholism is a crippling Disease, and there is Treatment for this Disease, Alcoholics Anonymous, working vigorously on the 12 Steps of Recovery, and many find their way out of this Disease. But when I say many, I am referring to less that 10 percent of the Population of Alcoholics suffinging with this Disease.
This Disease of Alcoholism is arrested, but there is NO Cure for the Disease of Alcoholism, that is why if you ever attended an AA Meeting, you would see people in those rooms that have many, many years of experiencing freedom from this Disease, but only on a 24 hour Daily Reprieve, basis.
I wanted to share my opinion, hope that is o.k.? on something that you wrote:
"This has not been easy to deal with, knowing what killed him, and not wanting to tell people the true reason. "
To my way of thinking , probably pretty contraversial, granted, but my thinking is that you need not feel the shame of this Disease.
Your dear Father suffered from a Life Threatening Medical Disease, just like M.S., Cancer, so many life threatening Disease that take the lives of people in this country everyday, so many Diseases that it would take a small book, or 10 days of Reseach on the National Institute of Health Clinic in Maryland, on their website.
All Life threatening Diseases come with their own statistics, prognosis, and various symtoms of the onset, duration of illness, on and on.
I am a woman that has this Illness in me today, the Disease has been arrested with treatment, for over 16 and 1/2 years. Many years ago, the Disease was raging in me so intensely that my life hung in a very precarious state, for several months, as this Disease advanced in me.
No one here has any answers, as to why some of us come to a complete Surrender to this Disease, and then watch the Miracle of a new life begin. We could tell you of our own personal stories, and the Gift of Hope that is given to us, but for myself, I have watched some friends that were very close, take a nosedive, and die of this Disease, and when I stop and Wonder why, I got the chance and these wonderful, incredible human beings did not. I wonder, and then realize that there is no answer that will be coming to be. A true mystery in my life, always.
You have been through a devastating loss, that is for sure, but I was hoping I could say just something to you to help you with the "shame" aspect that you are feeling, I believe, and that seems like it would only compound the Grief that you feel.
You did not cause it, you could not cure it, that is a fact, and I agree with Dan, that Alanon, that is dedicated to Family Members of Alcoholics, would maybe help you deal with you grief, possible better than we can here. And it sounds to me like you are reaching out, and trying to help us, and for that I am grateful, but I am reaching out to you as well, and would love to see this extra burden of Shame removed possibly from your own Spirit.
This A.A. Program is a Program of Rigerous Honesty, and I hope that in no way did you take this Response as any thing but a Loving Gesture to you, someone still suffering the 'ripple' effects of this Dreadful, Powerful and Deadly Disease.
We all have different preceptions, and the above was just "my take" on your Post.
Thank you so much for this Post, and may you find Peace.
hey daddy's girl.....i feel for ya....i hear your pain...
and yeah, this disease is a cunning buggar for sure....
i know for me, life was just so unbearable, i felt i HAD to drink in order to cope...and now?? facing it sober??? its hell!!! i am MANY times to just say f*** it and just drink till i get to the end..its real hard
i am not defending the alcoholic, i am just saying how i feel as an alcoholic....for me?? the beer/wine was a way to get out of this hell for at least a while anyway, and i didn't even think of what people i have who love me and may miss me when i die....i was too sick to think of that......my pain of my life was too great for me to think outside of my "diseased little box"....
i work the program, and i can only do life ONE day at a time, sometimes, like now in my grief cycles, one HOUR at a time, but i am managing to stay sober and thus, allow/ embrace the pain and feelings, i stored for so long in my body/ mind/ emotions and had to numb with drink
keep posting here, cuz we all care and this is a hell of a board.....peace / rosie
