Hi all! I'm new here, well, I have been a lurker for some time. Here's my issue. A while back I told my supervisor that I had gone to a couple of AA meetings, that I was worried about how I was dealing with some life stressors and with a huge family background of alcoholism, I wanted to educate myself more about it. She got a call from a potential employer for a job reference. I had signed a waiver for them to get the reference, but had NO idea what she was about to unvail! She told them that 'a coworkers husbands friend HEARD' that I'm a big druggie, that I had been attending AA etc. Can she do that? I work for the State of WI and I thought that the AA thing was confidential. I gave an authorization, but not for hearsay and certainly not for the AA info! I thought it was so they could get my JOB reference regarding my JOB performance! Any advice?
Unfortunately I do not have any info for you regarding this question, maybe an Attorney could help you, sometimes Attorneys will let you have the first hour free. I think your question is more of a Legal question.
But I just wanted to say Welcome to the Board.
Once after I left a job, as an apartment manager, where I had accidentally hired an Active Alcoholic, as a Maintanence Person, it showed up right away, when I could never reach him on his beeper, and when he would show up, he had the strong smell of Alcohol on his Breath.
I had applied for a differnent Job, in the next year, and the woman, that called me back to say I did not get the job, said to me, that my references came back from a reference that I was a drug user. I was in my Third year of Recovery, and pretty "green" to the "how to handle an active alcohol", instead I tried covering for him, co-dependant as heck, I tried to befriend and encourage this man to go to a AA meeting with me.
In my drinking days, I had been cross addicted, and I did both, came off of the Valium I used for my hangovers, and the Alcohol, so I was clean as a whistle.
When I called my former Company and asked where the Bad reference came from, and from who, I was furious, they were real closed off to the subject, played dumb, and said it did not come from them. Well they were my only work history, so I had to just let it go, or file a complaint, but with who? So, when I found another job, I just had to let it go, but always felt certain, it came from this Alcoholic Maintanance Person, who else would have created such a story, probably to cover his own use. Who knows? I started seeing him in meetings, and asked him about it, and again, he just played dumb. I would only acknowledge him, but made sure he knew we were not friends, character assasinations don't feel very good when you are in Recovery and starting to feel really good about yourself, and the Blessings of this Program. But I just had to let it go, no other choice, I had just been through a divorse, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was be in touch with another Attorney. That was just me.
This story is not really the same as what you are speaking about, but wanted to share it with you. Powerless over People, Places and Things.
Hope you get some good legal advice or another good job.
Interesting question, and when you find the answers you are looking for, will you let us know.
Hope to see you again, are you new to the Program? This is a great Site for Recovery Alcholics.
Well, it's not all that different. I am pregnant now, so I can't drink, but when I could and did, it was never a daily thing. I am the party girl binge drinker. I had just gotten married for the first time and we moved to a house in the country. I felt very alone out there and hubby was working ALL the time, which was no fault of his own, but I think I kind of felt abandoned. I have a very poor relationship with my father and that has affected every relationship I have ever had. I always dated the 'bad boy' and I think I did that because then I felt power over them cause I had more or something and it was easier then to say 'goodbye' when they weren't doing as I wished. Totally different situation with hubby...he's actually a good guy, with a good head on his shoulders and I think I kind of felt inferior to him. I think that after we got married and he was working all the time, I started going to this little corner bar that I liked and knew a bunch of people at. Well, once I started drinking and having fun, there was no accountability on my part towards my husband and he'd call and call and get mad and I'd just completely rebel. I started going down there more and more. My husband and I filed for divorce. I moved out. I continued partying with my 'friends' and it started affecting my job (ie: calling in or being late). Hubby kept trying and trying to get me to see what I was doing and I thought he was being controlling and that he was just jealous and just wanted to isolate me from people. Anyway, longggggggggg story short, in two years we filed for divorce twice! We didn't even get a buy two get one free offer! We reconciled in early Jan and I was pregnant shortly after. So, that has grounded me and given me the time to reflect and see what I was doing and why my husbands actions were sincere and because he actually cares about me and not because he was trying to control me. I think I was just trying to push him away before he could push me away and hurt me first. It took me a while to pull my head out of my @ss, but I think I have managed and I also think that this baby is a blessing in disguise. On top of the issues with my father, I had gastric bypass surgery three years ago. Todd and I met within a month of me having that and started dating right away. THEN I lost all the weight and had that emotional rollercoaster to deal with as well as all the attention I was getting. Now drinking after gastric bypass..that is another situation all in itself. My digestive process is nothing like yours. Most of my intestines have been removed, so I get drunk very quickly. It's really bad for my liver because it hits that undigested. Many, MANY times I ended up falling down and just making a complete @ss out of myself. Luckily, most of the people at that bar, knew my situation and didn't judge me to harshly. Although after a few times, most people would learn what their tolerance was or wasn't! Not me!! See, the hard thing about that is that your brain still thinks you can drink just like you have your whole life...and you can, for a while...and then all of a sudden you are on the floor..no warning or anything. So, in a way, I believe this baby may have saved my life. So, much for a short story huh!?!?! Anyway, I never want to see the sun come up in the morning because I am still up drinking! Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I never want to cause my husband that kind of pain...or my child...I have a 14 year old son and a baby on the way. I need to be there for them. I am looking into an attorney because the things my boss said had no place in a reference and yes, I had gone to a couple of AA meetings, but the other comment was complete hearsay and completely untrue. I will let you know what I find out! You know, it feels good to write this all down....
Did I scare everyone away???
