hi there, just got out of bed, was very tired, was my first day back today, re the stuff that happened last night, I am disserpointed in my sponcer, was as if he was tutting at me, tut tut tut well well, and then I quote "instead of turning to god you turned to drugs"
Not quite sure how i feel apart from , when I lie and say alls well, he seems to be jolly and wonderful, when I tell the truith he is distant and dissapointed.
have not abused anything today, but feeling isolated and 100% dissapointed in my sponcer showed zero help
Hmm not sure your sponsor seems to supportive.. If you cant tell him the truth then whats the point.. enit.. If he cant help you when you say things are shit.. or atleast offer advice etc. Well i duno i guess i have no place in commenting on this one but its a shame hes not being much help to you..
Hey Robert, been thinking about you. I really believe that you need to find someone that can relate to you and visa versa. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find just the right sponsor.
And ditto Rob, how did your first day back at work go? I bet you're beat. Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
work was ok, got my back to work meeting on wed, but they can shout all they like, they will be shouting at a sick man and if that makes them feel better, I pity them, I do not think I am myself today. it must have been the Dpam, it takes the serinity alot quicker than you gain it. DONT PICK UP PEOPLE - ITS NOT WORTH IT
work was ok, got my back to work meeting on wed, but they can shout all they like, they will be shouting at a sick man and if that makes them feel better, I pity them,
I think that really is the attitude to have, seriously. Sometimes peoples ego trips depend on picking on others.. And using their/you illness to that advantage.. All it really means is that inside they are very insecure individuals and they are using situations such as this to make themselves feel bigger..thusly offering themselves some sort of reassuance, and the ironic thing is they are'nt even aware of it... Like you say.. Pity them.
I have to watch this one, it alwasy gets my goat up when companies start treating their employees like shit and disrespect just for their own personal gains..
Still saying that if someone like that came in these rooms and said there were alcoholics/addicts and regreted how they had been id welcome them with open arms..
Nightmare that you dont feel quite right yet. But hopefully that will come. Maybe tomorrow will be better. How is you back btw? Did it give you any greif whilst working?
Hey Rob. back aint the worst its been, I have slept a bit more and just woke,. feel like a zombie now! just gonna stay on line I guess untill i nod off again. been real quiet today.
So good to see you here. and i agree with Wren, find a Sponsor that can help, not the other way around. A good Sponsor would be help with the Steps, right now, and supporting your efforts 100%, that's my feeling. Get a good one and you will see the Program open up, and Blossom, can't change yesterday, and thank God is is dead and gone any way. We only have today. All of us.
Keep posting my friend, we all care about you a LOT, so don't let your thinking go to that Isolated place, because we are all right here, for you, supporting you.
Had a good talk to Big G. who assured me I do not need a drug / drink no longer, I can live better with out it . yesterday when I had that panic and took the pams to "calm my nerves" I did sod all with my time apart from flake on the sofa. Boring! Mind you I have learned that pams are not my problem it is booze., when I came to the rooms 2 years ago, i was convinced that if I stopped taking this that and the other pams inc then id be ok to carry on with booze, the No'1 offender, this has battered that illusion! although I felt like a wally, I didnt do anything that I did when boozin, including harming myself. however, I cant be takin the risk, but it has re inforced the fact that im a alky and shattered the "what if" booze was not the problem.
See I didnt just drink id booze it, after taking pams and paracetomals and when I am coming out of black out I either carried on drinking, or took something else to change the high.
same shit different flavor thats what im trying to say.
I feel a little better today, mainly cos I have stuck to doses and not gone into self will and gobbled down a tub of pills.
mad I can get hooked on anything, put a pencil in my hand and id do the mona lisa!
problem is now I cant sleep , but id sooner be awake doing this than flaked in front of the couch in cuckoo land.......
Glad to see you are doing better today. I would have to agree that maybe your sponsor is not right for you......I know when I drank again my sponsor was very supportive and basically just wanted to know if I still wanted to work the program and work with her. Just my opinion...
Hi Robert, if your sponsor is not helping, a new sopnsor may be a good idea. May be worth explaining how you feel to your current sponsor first, it may just be that the person has no idea of how to react in that situation.
You said: "what if" booze was not the problem.
I was playing round with this idea for about years before I finally stopped drinking, blaming everything from too much work, not enough sleep, a world full of A***holes and caffiene.
Finally just gave up and accepted that alcohol was the problem.
Hope your back to work interview worked out ok today.
Best wishes
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
