CAnt talk to my sponcer, having difficulty geting hold of him, had a slip tonight, took drugs, the thing is I feel no remorse. I just feel lost. dont know what to do. When I took the pills in the past I took one, ive just taken 4. feeling a bit loose but the day will still go ahead tomoz. Seems im alone
Same question, what did you take, pain pills for your back. Do you still have some? What are you going to do with them?
When we use, there is that almost guarantee that the Isolation comes right along, encourageing you do do more. I pray that you can stop, with the Post.
The old bootstraps thing comes to mind, pick yourself up, pull up the bootstraps, and move forward. Please write back.
For me, I found it hard to feel remorse when I was still under the influence. I assume that it's pain pills? As you've shared with others, Robert, those phone numbers so that you have someone to talk to are available, so you don't feel so alone. I don't know if you want the long distance expense, but I can send you my number if you're still up. I know it's like, ten thirty there, and you'll be getting up early for work. You have been under alot of stress, worrying about your job, family issues, etc. the last few weeks---I know this may sound redundent, but this is when hitting the meetings may have helped, but I've no idea how many you've been to. Wish you had a sponsor that was more accessible; anyone in the program you are close enough to to call?
I understand that you feel alone, but we are all here for you, Robert. Tomorrow will be a new day. Look at the pattern that led up to this, so you can recognise it before it overwhelms you next time....Big hug, Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
when i was prescribed the pills. it felt like i was about to relapse. all my worrys went away because I knew in the past that diazepam + a bottle of scotch + lots of paracetomol = no pain
However this time it was completly different, they ahve not taken me out of it, and I am grateful, but my intention was there, and I preyed to god that tomorrow i do not take scotch plus the pills because I will die if I drink again, not internal liver failier but I get violent towards myself with knifes and I will throat myself, and the sick thing is I would enjoy it because I hate myself so much that the ultimate pain would make me happy in a sick way.
Robert, that thinking is really pretty scary. YOU HAD A DRUG RELAPSE. DONT DO IT AGAIN, AND FORGET IT, DONT LET IT GET TO YOU LIKE THIS.
JUST AS YOUR SPONSOR SAID, GET SOME SLEEP. YOU HAVE BEEN DOING SO WELL, EVERYDAY, ONE SETBACK, IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Try and get to a couple meetings before and after that friggen job you have. if they give you a bad time, think about the university AS they are doing whatever they are going to do.
If the craving comes up, then go to a meeting and talk about it, I've seen it done a thousand times, takes the Power out of the thought.
And you are NOT Alone, my friend, been there, and we are all right there with you at this very moment, sleeping or not, supporting you at this critical time.
Hey Robert I really hope you are ok.. I really hope that you dont throat yourself... wether you drink or not.. I myself would be upset to see that happen to you. Just hang in there and try again..
Try something:
Imagine it was me saying all that and posting on here.. What would your response to me be??? Imagine im saying i might cut myself up.. What would you say to me???
I hope you are ok. When I relapsed I also felt like crap and felt worthless and all that. Beating yourself up doesn't make things better....only worse. Please reach out for help....you are doing so well and you can keep it up. THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. We are alcoholics/addicts. It is what we do...try to escape.it's the only thing we have known for so long......but now you also know another way and I know you can do it. You are in my prayers.hang in there.
I don't know if this means anything to you but you are definitely in my prayers tonight. If you do start to get suicidal please call a hospital or paramedics right away. I've been there and done that and it's a really horrible way to feel. I hope you wake up and decide you really want to be sober and reach out for help which you know is out there. The hand of A.A. is always there for the struggling alcoholic.
The key words, Robert,,, you hate yourself. That needs to be worked on. A lot of us alkies have hated ourselves,, and part of recovery is learning how to love ourselves in a healthy way, and to love others in healthy ways too. We learn how to be positive, constructive, and patient.
I hated myself sooo much,,, until,, in doing Steps 2 and 3, I realized that God really loves me. And that started me on a path of real recovery. You are precious, and your life is a treasure,, and you have untapped talents. Nobody is perfect.
We often say the most important thing is to not take a drink,,, well,, to not hurt yourself in any way, including not hurting yourself with drink.
Sometimes our emotions, feelings, can take us on real roller coaster rides... way up and we feel so great,,, and then way down and we want to die. We need to balance,,,, and not let those emotions control us. This too shall pass.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hi Again, Robert, that thinking is really pretty scary. YOU HAD A DRUG RELAPSE. DONT DO IT AGAIN, AND FORGET IT, DONT LET IT GET TO YOU LIKE THIS. JUST AS YOUR SPONSOR SAID, GET SOME SLEEP. YOU HAVE BEEN DOING SO WELL, EVERYDAY, ONE SETBACK, IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Try and get to a couple meetings before and after that friggen job you have. if they give you a bad time, think about the university AS they are doing whatever they are going to do. If the craving comes up, then go to a meeting and talk about it, I've seen it done a thousand times, takes the Power out of the thought. And you are NOT Alone, my friend, been there, and we are all right there with you at this very moment, sleeping or not, supporting you at this critical time. You are in my thoughts and Prayers. A Big Hug, Toni-- Edited by Toni Baloney at 18:42, 2006-05-07
I have a resentment about my sponcer, he told me off after a meeting, he said that i was dumping at a meeting and I should do this on him, and say in the meeting how wonderful my life is. I have tried talking to him but he is as fair weater as my old drinking pals/.
robert, i know how u feel, i have been there, done that........to stay clean and sober i have to reach out to my fellow groupies....meetings......my sponser cruelly dumped me when i was in the MIDST of a crisis, but i just reached out.....called family / friends who were safe....
i posted here as well........please robert stay with us.....we will NEVER judge U, hell i felt the same way u did at one time.......
i hated me so badly i wanted to end me and my misery....i dragged my sick addictive ass in here instead......now i am climbing out of the hell
i have my emotional slips....i go to my "fantasy world" too much, i eat too much (thank god i am not the fat kind) but anyway, i am doing mood altering stuff cuz i don't want to face the pain....,.sometimes i just get tooo much of it....but the main thing IS
i am aware of it.......i accept it..........i take action........... ur post shows u r aware....u have accepted it............NOW comes the action part........and that is the steps, and reaching out in meets...........
we care, robert, really, i can't see ur face, but i hear ur pain........big prayers going out to you ok????? rosie
slip, sobriety lost its priority/ Robert quit beatin ure self up, listen to your sponsor and do what is suggested. Get off ypur pitty pot it is only sinking u deeper and deeper into the isim's of this progressive incurable and fatal disease.
