I got a phone call from sponsee this morning , she confessed to me she got drunk. After working off some frustration (by exercisng), and calling sponsor and talking to her about it, I am feeling sort of numb. I was curious, what are some approaches that you all use with your sponsees??? Thank You in advance.
For me, it really depends on the person and the situation. How long has the person been in recovery? How long dry? Is the person's attitude mainly positive? or is there a lot of stinking thinking? I try to use the prinicples of my own recovery,, not to get controlling, or fixing. The person did call, and was honest. I tend to say "if at first we don't succeed we try and try again" and go cycle through the Steps again.
take what you need and leave the rest,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Have had that sinking feeling many times. No answers, I am afraid. Just keep in mind that your efforts were there, I have always given it another go, if they are motivated.
One good thing you might think about, is she did call you and tell you, I personally would take that as a good sign, that she still wants what you have.
Your decision, all the way, and remember the wise words you told me just yesterday, when I was doing some head-banging over this issue, was "It is a Program for people that Want it, not for People that need it.
Sadly, more sponsees of mine have either gone back out or just not wanted to work the program. The same can be said in general of those who come into the rooms.
There are a few things I've learned over the years. No matter what I do or don't do, I can't get them sober. No matter what I do or don't do, I can't make them drink. I can share my experience, strength and hope.
I have a couple "rules" that I set down when I begin sponsoring people.
1) I will never work harder on your recovery than you do.
2) If you feel like drinking, call me before you drink. If you decide to drink after that, that's your choice. Don't call me drunk, though.
It sucks when a sponsee drinks. Especially if they were actually starting to work the program. But it's never been anything personally I did or didn't do.
When I first began sponsoring, it was a huge ego trip for me. Sort of like parenting was for a while. If they were doing well, then I was a success as a sponsor. If they were not doing well, then I was a dismal failure. Neither turned out to be true.
Again, all I can do is share my experience, strength and hope as it applies to getting sober, staying sober and living sober. I can offer suggestions. Can't force them to take the suggestions. It is frustrating at times. There are times when I've had to "let sponsees go" because I spent so much time and they just wanted to BS through everything.
The chapter "Working With Others" in the Big Book is really helpful when it comes to sponsoring.
Thanx Toni, Karen!!! I will rember these things, my sponsor said and I believe Tonit told me too take some time to have her reflect y she is doing this and she has and now we are back at step 1.
