Hi everyone. I have to say I am so grateful today to be sober. Just for the moment I am grateful. I have been doing alot of praying and really want to get back on track with AA and the program. I would appreciate any guidance and support for getting my head screwed back on right after this relapse. I feel like I have been beaten down enough now. I don't want to lose my husband and daughter. I have lost the respect of my family now. It breaks my heart how I have hurt everyone around me with this relapse. They have all been supportive and really want me to get better and now they are frustrated and angry again. Even more so than before because I stayed sober for a while and they "know" I can do it.
I pray for the strength to go to my homegroup tonight and tell them what happened.
I planted tomatoes and plants in my garden and flower beds yesterday and it felt so good to just dig in the dirt and feel the presence of nature and wonder at the beauty of it all. Getting me closer to God I think.
Well, 90 meetings in 90days, comes to mind, getting a Sponsor, that you know, and want what she has, Staying in that 1st Step, with every fiber of your being.
Getting back to your homegroup and telling them, my opinion, THATS what they are there for. My finding a meeting an making it my Homegroup has many perks, but the big perk, is the comfort of those people you know, in case something should go wrong.
I remember this woman that was going to a 7:00 a.m. meeting, saw her all the time, she was one of the regulars. ....one morning she came in, told her story of going to a dentist appointment 40 miles away from home, went into a liquor store, bought a bottle of brandy, rented a room in a hotel, stayed there, drank the whole bottle, of course, drove home really early, showered and got to the same 7:00 meeting, that was her Home group. She had many years, and she just talk about the horror of the last 24 hours, no one judged her, the just were there for her, 100%, made plans with her Sponsor to spend the evening, after work, with her. And the good news, she did just keep coming back, every morning like clock work. It is a WE Program all the way, I do not believe anyone is exempt for the insanity of this Disease,(the Disease sits in wait all the time, waits for us to let our guard down)The words Prayer and Dilligence comes to mind. It takes work every day. I have to do something actively in AA, everyday, making a phone call to another, working with a Sponsee, getting to a meeting, Posting here, to feel safe from the nightmare that woman almost faced.
A Relapse is part of this Disease, however, I do not believe it is part of Active Recovery. Hope that just made sense.
The fear you feel right now, I believe is a very Good Fear, it is what motivates us into ACTION. When you had some time, were you actively working the Steps, with a Sponsor, going to a meeting everyday, calling others in the Program? Working the Steps...... is the way out of the Disease of Alcoholism.
My Prayers are with you dear, I am so grateful to you and your Honesty in this Post. Thank you. It is a stuggle to get back "in" but it can and does work, if we work it.
A big Hug, Toni
I do not usually give such stong advice such as this, but you did ask for guidance and support, so I hope this helped, but take what you want and leave the rest, o.k.?
Just my own ES & H, and because this is a 24 hour Program, give yourself a lot of credit for what you have achieved so far today in getting back, Please.
jen, yesterday is gone all we have is today. we have to look forward, remember not to close the door on the past. good luck to you,and you will be in my thoughts. man got to get my tomatoes planted too. wagon
Well, in our AA, alanon circles in our area....we hear: "Well, what step are you working on?" That puts it into perspective for many of us. And lots of times, when I am off track, I have to pick one! (Step, that is)
It almost always goes back to Step One or Step Two for me. Do not know how it goes for others. All I know is if I look hard enough, I can find the right Step to brush up on and proceed from there.
I almost find the right words to hear at meetings, open meetings, or phone calls. It's like I am taken to the next right thing, right person, or right place--- if I ask my HP for it. Simple, and works for me.
Hi Jennifer, glad to hear you are going back to meetings and getting stuck back into AA. I have had many relapses and everyone filled me with shame, guilt and remorse. I nearly lost my children through this illness. I am sober today and today is all I have. I still find it very hard to deal with the things I did in the past when I was drinking but I hope it will get easier. I am still in my early weeks since my last 'slip' I wish you all the luck in the world. Love Trudi p.s. dont be too hard on yourself just do the best you can today.
I just wana say hi and say im pleased for you being sober so far.. and give you my support..
I dont think i can make it to the meeting tomorrow cos its gona clash with sorting stuff out with the bloody garage about my car.. if it doesnt clash im realy gona try to make it to the meeting.. i think i need it..
I hope you are staying sober. I can see what you are saying about you family and big hugs to you (((Jen))) with that...
I hope things get better with you and your family. It's hard to let words go in one ear and out the other with the one's we love. Just keep taking care of you. Lot's of good suggestions in this post. I think I might take some of them and use them! Hope you have a good sober day!
