my mum is having a go at me.. though i duno how much of it is cos she is drunk or cos of me drinking
i am just going out of my mind.. yeah iv been drinking todayu..i started drinking at 12 noon.. i slept sometime this afternoon..then woke up and started drinking again...
i cant stop.. i want to drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink..
at the moment i just wana cry..
i duno if my mum had a go at me cos of reasons she said, which were cos she wanted everyone in her house to be in bed when she went to bed.. (ffs) or cos she was drunk or cos of my drinking or a mixture of all of the above..
i cant stop drinking..
i am bound to drink tomorrow
i think people have lost any faith in me.. cos i say i wana stop drinking yet i still keep on drinking..
im scared..
i dont think anyone takes me seriously.. i think people think the decision is made for me.. that i will keep drinking and then die..
people keep telling me they will be there for me when i decide to stop..
im so scared.. im so fed up of this.. all i wana do is drink.. nomatter what happens.. i can always talk myself round to drinking again.. i love it.. yet it f**ks me up!!
drink is the reason im in such a mess.. my life is a mess.. my financial situation is in a mess..
im so scared..
i want to be away from all this.. im sick of being so unhappy..
but i know tomorow i will wana drink and that will seem to be stronger than anything else..
Infact tomorrow i will regret posting this..
i KNOW its all down to me.. i just duno how to get to the right place..
as i keep saying.. im so scared..
And I WILL regret this post tomorrow and will beat myself up for it.. Even though i wana improve... its like alcohol has taken this new grip on me.. and its totaly controling me at the moment.. and i dont even have a f**king car to get to all meetings..
i know when i wake up tomorrow, and i will not be sober, that i will regret making this post..
tomorrow i will find reasons why drinking is "so good" and why i will "love it".... no matter how i think.. I always end up siding with the drink.. and opt for the "promises" it makes..
i wish i didnt.. but i do and i will
i just wana cry at the moment. iv been drinking.. iv had quite alot.. And by tomorrow my mind will see the promises alcohol will make..and so it will carry on..
I know alot of people on here wish for me to make it.... I just am lost inside myself at the moment.. how, when i wake up tomorrow can i get my bastard mind to be in the right place not to drink tomorrow..??
I can call a guy called Alan..but by the time im thinking about that.. i am worried that he will stop me drinking..!!!
By that time i wana drink..
Hmm still completely lost.. But thanx so much for your comment..
If alcohol is costing you more than moneyCall us today in complete confidence. 0845 769 7555 PICK UP THE PHONE INSTEAD OF A DRINK. And get your ass to a meeting, sounds like you have sweet f all to lose, GIVE A.A. THREE MONTHS (WITHOUT A DRINK) IF YOUR NOT COMPLETLY SATISFIED WE WILL REFUND YOUR MISERY PICK UP THE PHONE INSTEAD OF A DRINK. -- Edited by Robert at 17:43, 2006-04-30
The only time i seem ready to pick up the phone is after iv had a drink
19th September 2004, 17:40..... My life was a total mess.
I did 3 things.
1) I phoned NHS Direct (0845 4647)
2) I Phoned 999 for an ambulance and got myself into my local hospital for a detox and to find out how badly my liver was damaged.
3) After I got out (1 week) I went to a meeting and came to this website.
Might be worth a try.
all the best to you.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
i wish i had your confidence Busbe. i know when i wake up tomorrow, and i will not be sober, that i will regret making this post.. tomorrow i will find reasons why drinking is "so good" and why i will "love it".... no matter how i think.. I always end up siding with the drink.. and opt for the "promises" it makes.. i wish i didnt.. but i do and i will i just wana cry at the moment. iv been drinking.. iv had quite alot.. And by tomorrow my mind will see the promises alcohol will make..and so it will carry on.. I know alot of people on here wish for me to make it.... I just am lost inside myself at the moment.. how, when i wake up tomorrow can i get my bastard mind to be in the right place not to drink tomorrow..?? I can call a guy called Alan..but by the time im thinking about that.. i am worried that he will stop me drinking..!!! By that time i wana drink.. Hmm still completely lost.. But thanx so much for your comment.. -- Edited by Rob at 17:44, 2006-04-30
No Regrets Rob
I can promise you if you call the helpline, go to a meeting get a sponcer and do everything he says, (if it is big book) related you will recover, it is garanteed, that is what we who are sober have in common, we finally gave up, "you win alcohol, I aint getting in the F-king ring anymore - you have battered me enough" and do as it says in the big book, it will remould your life and eventually the desire to drink will slip away. so here is suggestion 1 until you get a sponcer
PICK UP THE PHONE, (NUMBER ABOVE)
no excuses, pissed or sober pick it up now. it is for alcoholics in need, i think you need it man.
WE all love you ROb, but you need to love your self, come on, pick it up, (the phone) someone is waiting to speak to u...
yeah cabbage head is right, call someone! NHS A.A SAMARItans who ever. A.A was the LAST PLACE I CALLED< if I CALLED THEM FIRST I WOULD HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR YEARS NOW, MAYBE>>>
I REMEMBER THE EARLY DAYS, I TRIED TO GET MYSELF BANGED UP, JUST TO GET THE HELL AWAY, BUT DIDNT WORK, , MY HP HAD OTHER PLANS. THOUGHT IF I ROB A BANK, ID EITHER BE RICH OR OUTTA NOTTINGHAM SO EITHER WAY I;D BE BETTER OFF.
We all take you seriously, believe me. No one is giving up on you, that you thinking that.
As far as your post, well all I can say, is when we get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Being sick and tired of the same results, that is maybe a new beginning for you, but it is an inside job, all the well wishes in the world cannot change what is inside you.
As far as not having a car right now, that's not a biggy. Allen would be available to give you a ride, have you thought about giving him a call.
We care Rob, believe that.
Toni
A good friend told me about her son's best friend yesterday, he is 28, was drinking and driving, hit a car, killing the adults inside, leaving just the 2 year old child. He was sentenced this week to 11 years in prison, first offense, but it was a very grim story. You have you whole life ahead of you...... Those yets are out there, Rob, believe it.
You have mentioned on this board that you do drink and drive on occasion, so maybe it is a blessing in disguise, that you cannot drive, right now.
You have some good friends right here, that live in the UK, and are offering some good advice. My take, you do have an Emergency on your hands. Any Alcoholic that is currently drinking is an Emergency, in my book.
Take what you want and leave the rest, as far as what I have said here.
Hey Rob, I must say I admire your determination, when I had my last relapse, I set alight to my Big Book, I never understood people saying "I went on a binge for 3 days" I personally went on a binge for years, cant remember ever not having a drink, until id had enough, It sounds like your there, if you are there, ask for help, but do it in a way your going to get help. If your powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanageable, you are ready to take certain steps, all you need is willingness.
lines are open for another 50 mins I know you are still here on this site, I cant tell you any other way, there are only three natural states of an alcoholic, (in a box, in-sane or in here (A.A) take your pick. I hope you pick the third one.
i duno wtf has just come over me.. i feel ok..just tired..
i have emailed people posted about.
im still scared as shit..
and as before when i wake up i will hate myself for this..ffs my bastard disease taking fucking control again!!. i keep losing to this disease.. why does it take being drunk to see that..
i am dreading sobering up cos im worried i will down play this.. how fuckign mad is that.. i dotn wana sober up because im more likely to fall to this disease of alcohlism..... arrgh..
WEll i txt alan so maybe he can call me tomorrow with some advice.. and as iv said i emailed people you saida bout..
Mike Tyson has beaten the shit outa yer, throw in the towl man, dont fight any more, YOU CAN WALK AWAY. just say no to that first drink cos you cant have it, because if you step foot in the ring again, you know what will happen, you will get punched kicked spat at and your underpants wrapped wound your head!
Nothing to feel guilty about, if you understand, this is a disease. I have never seen a cancer patient feel guilty because they are ill. you are ill if you have what I have, and you have a choice. It does not seem like a choice, but you have, eventually you will sober up or die. I hope you sober first, you do not need to go to the absolute bottom, just need to have had enough.
Just wanted to let you know that I've been in your shoes. I had 364 days sober last year and went back out. I would go to meetings, sometimes cry, and after getting home I'd start drinking. This went on for months. Finally I got locked up for 9 months. I think rehab would have been the smarter choice but life was out of my control. All the lies I told everyone to cover for what I was doing to myself. It was really horrible. I ended up taking a whole bunch of pills and I can't really explain why I'm still alive. Even that wasn't enough to make me stop. I was in the grip of the disease and I couldn't stop even if my life depended on it. After alcohol took my identity, my hope, my self-esteem, my freedom, after all this it wanted to take my life.
I'm glad I'm alive today. By no means is my life wonderful but it's a hell of a lot better than what it used to be. For me I had to be physically taken away from alcohol in order to get my head somewhat straight.
How far down that rotten path are you willing to go? We are all here for you.
I've been there. I did try to just keep drinking. Wanted out. I didn't die. I was hospitalized over and over. I picked up the big book. It was the only thing I hadn't tried. I began slow, to handle life. I learned a new way to live. I handled more. I learn, I deal. Keep drinking, and there's just heartbroken friends, hopitals, jail, more heartbreak. Today I have a life I can handle, and friends and family that love me....And I have learned from others in recovery -how to be the person I often imagined I could be....if only I could stop drinking. Today I have no reasons to drink. You can do it. It's time....Paul
(and i don't want people i know to find out about this.... iv enough stress as it is..)
This is a selfish program - sounds to me like it is time for you to do what is best for you - time for you to start caring about you and not what everyone else thinks. If these people really care about you then they will help you through this. In my own experience - which I have not been in the program for a long time - I have found who were just using me, who were my drinking buddies and who are my true friends. My true friends helped me through this - there were a few family members who had to do tuff love with me - but I have to tell you it was the best thing for me and now my friends and family are closer than ever to me. Texting Alan was a step in the right direction. You are loved and we are praying for you. Just my share.
Later - Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
Hi Rob, a lot of stuff going on in your posts, I wish you all the luck in the world. I am from England too and have found the AA meetings are wonderful and there is a lot of caring people in the fellowship, even if you have had a drink I would suggest phoning the help line or someone you know from AA. I know how hard it is, maybe just start with one day just try not to drink for one day and ask for help from your local AA group I know they will be there for you. After all we are all in the same boat and have all been where you are right now. God bless. Trudi
