Hello everyone,

Wow... where do I start?

First, I want to say that as a long time member of AA with almost 17 years sobriety, and the founder/webmaster of this site, my door (i.e. phone) is available to any member of this message board that feels there is a issue or problem that needs to be addressed on the board.  The sooner something that is disturbing you is brought to my attention, the sooner I can respond to it and get it resolved in a way that reflects my regard for the 12 Traditions.

Today I deleted a thread from the board that I felt steps outside the bounds and purpose of this board, and reflected the essence of a "bashing committee"  instead of a group in recovery.  I also, placed a ban on one member of the board which I will determine the duration of after some communications with that member.

Opinions and advise, if based solidly in our personal experience is not an AA sin or violation of traditions, or the collective wisdom of AA's long term members.  However, if I am to state my opinion or offer any advise to another, I need to qualify it as coming from my experience with similar situations, people and events, so that it is not just the product of my ol' mighty, all knowing mind.  Even my heart needs to remain silent if what it has to say is not based in my own personal experience.  Opposed to telling someone else what they should or shouldn't do, I feel the most effective way to communicate is to share what I did in a similar situation, the results of that, and if they were positive, lightly suggest they "might want to try it" on their situation.  If the results were negative, I would lightly suggest they "might not want to do what I did".  I refrain from using the phrases, "you should, or shouldn't"... do such and such.

This allows each of us to gather information from one another that is based squarely on what we have personally experienced in the course of our lives, and our recoveries, but allows all of us to have the respect and interity to make our own decisions, and thus reep our own benefits or consciquences of our own making.

Yes, there are many AA's that cannot be quietly whispered to, in order to reach them.  Some need to be hit upside the head with a 2x4 just to get their attention.  Even this doesn't guarantee, they are hearing us, but instead rattles them with frustration, anger, fear, and self pity.  However, if they have a fondness for lumber, this is not our fault.  If I have to verbally hit someone upside the head more than twice, it is usually a clue that they are driven by trauma and drama, crisis and choas, and not motivated by desperation, graditude or recovery.  Anyone who truly knows me knows I'm all about recovery, and live by a principle that if I can't meet someone where they are at, I am inclined to leave them were they are at, simply because a alcoholic that is truly suffering and potentially dying is being neglected by me, because I'm investing myself in someone that won't make an investment in themselves.  Their recovery has become far more important to me than it is to them, and when this happens, something is truly wrong with the picture.  Here on this board, I have seen the phrase, "shit or get off the pot", well, when I have someone who is not moving forward and is rationalizing, justifying their diease, I will provide them with my contact information and simply say, "Call me when you're done shittin'".  I must back away for my benefit as well as another who might be more willing and ready to respond to my effords.

This board has proven to be a life saver to many.  But the board does not save lives.  With no one here, it would be useless.  It's actually the group of people here, the quality of their recovery and the new comers willingness, and readiness that saves the lives.

Tolerance and Love is a code we need to apply to all who come here.  Sharing our personal experiences, strengths and hopes (for ourselves and others) is all we need to do and if done in a manner that reflects recovery, it will usually result in enhancing the quality of recovery we see taking place in each other.

Finger pointing, bashing, blaming, nah-saying, rumors and gossip create division, not harmony.  It will take our unity away from us.  Before you feel moved to do this to anyone publicly on this message board, please consider giving me a call first.  The reason we see the sign "Think, Think, Think, in almost every meeting room is because alcoholics tend to feel, feel, feel and the by-product is reactions, instead of responses.  When we Think, we are more inclined to respond, not react to the person, place or thing that is disturbing us, and we'll do so in a much healthier, effective manner.  That benefits all parties involved.

My sponsor use to say to me when I was complaining about someone's attitude or behaviors..

"John, sick people tend to throw up.  If you don't want it on your shoes, don't keep standing so close to them".. or "John, hurt people hurt people... love them inspite of themselves, and remember they are only sharing their internal hurt with you, in an external way."

Yours In Healing and Recovery,

John - (Ph # 910-620-4554 )