Everybody has something to give. Sixteen months isn't something to sneeze at. I guess it's about how comfortable you are about sponsoring somebody. If you've done your step work? and feel you can help guide this person? Your heart will tell you whether it's right or not. Quality, for me, is more important than quantity. Pray about it, talk to your own sponsor about it, and I'll bet the answer will be pretty clear. If you feel unable to at this point, then offer to be there as a friend. But this person sees something in you that they want to have too, which is way cool, so you could always tell them, let's try it, see how it feels to both of us, and I'll stick by you til you find someone else if we don't work out. Just MO. blessings, Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
Have you done all the Steps yourself yet? Have you learned and practiced the slogans and understand them? do you know what 'detachment' really means? Do you think that you can stay steady no matter what your sponsee does? Can you avoid codependencies, no matter how the sponsee appeals to your pity, guilt, ego? Can you be firm in keeping to the program and progressing through the Steps, knowing that it will be good for the sponsee and you? or do you think that if the sponsee doesn't like the idea then letting them take it easy and be comfortable so as not to make waves is where it's at?
I agree that it is a great compliment, even though a newbie doesn't know specifically what to look for in a sponsor about the program, that you are giving a good general example of a person who is solidly into recovery and looking good, and your shares must be positive and encouraging too. Keep up the good work!
Sometimes I like to be a peer, a friend, who goes through the program with someone instead of carrying the responsibility for the both of us. And I agree that it's the quality and not the quantity of time, cuz I know a few old-timers that I wouldn't want for a sponsor.
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 22:08, 2006-04-24
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Nobody said 'down pat', 'perfectly', or 'thoroughly'... but many people at 1 1/2 years have not done them all at all, nor the other things at all. A sponsor should have some idea of what the big picture is, or their sponsorship is bullshit. That said, there are a lot of bullshit sponsors out there, and a lot of bullshit old-timers too. So it is the quality and not the time that matters. I agree that sometimes it is the sponsee that teaches the sponsor more than the other way around. This is not to say that this is the situation here,, but those are things to consider. Anyone can become a sponsor, but it takes knowledge of the program and stability enough to make a good one.
I have also put up posts on how to pick a sponsor, using the same criteria. Some newbies, who don't know what the program is about, of course, think they have to pick a sponsor immediately and so they latch onto the first person who smiles and says hello to them, or the person who exudes the most confidence, or a person who latches onto them. It is important to check people out and make sure that the prospective sponsor be really able to teach you about the 12 Step program and not get you into a codependency with them wherein they become parental caretakers and rescuers for you, but provide you with the resources you need to learn the program and develop yourself.
We can't tell you you should get your feet wet or not. That is a decision that is up to you and your own sponsor. I trust you and your Higher Power to decide wisely.
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 09:26, 2006-04-25
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Thank you very much, Phil. You brought up some good points, and I respect your opinion. I think we both know the expression 'two stepper', which is a person who has not done the 12 Steps or follow the program and yet sets themselves up to tell others what to do. The first Step,,, admits his/her life is out of control, unmanageable, and yet says s/he is doing the 12th Step or 'carrying the message' , which amounts to sharing that person's dysfunction with others. Can't give away what they don't have. I agree with you that anybody who pretends to 'have it down pat' is not being honest.
you have a nice day too, Phil. I'm glad you respect my opinion too.
My suggestion to wagon is that the decision be made after consulting with her sponsor, talking to those in the local meeting, and doing Step 11 with her HIgher Power, and I trust that a wise decision will be made. I don't know if wagon is ready or not, and gave some things to consider. Simple as that.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
LOL, good Wagon. Let us know what you decide? I think you'll be better than good. It doesn't need to be so complicated. Keep it simple is one of my favorite little cliche's. Phil has it right on. Hugs, Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
hey wagon, 16 months is gr8...thats only 10 mths. less than me....and i have messed up LOL.......
when someone asks me, i search my heart.....and ask my self ???S.......CAN i offer them anything????? what is THIER take on me?????? do they see me as servant or their hp??? (dangerous territory) if someone thinks of U as their hp, that is not good.....my old sponser thought HE was MY hp, and i had to back off from him.......
ask ur heart!!! and quiet ur mind when u do....deep breathing and ur hp will let u know.......also if u have sponser, ASK what they think...........
the fact that u r writing to us about it shows u care...that is a very good sign to me........peace / rosie
sponcer sunday night. been sober but 16 months, still wet behind the ears myself, is this to soon? wagon