hey u guys, the salesman who handled the job, that i had "screwed up" told me in a very nice email "rosie what U did was fixed--- we were SECOND lowest bid---so if we dont' get the job, its over PRICE, not what U did".....
i was so relieved that i didn't "kill the company" and besides.....ONE lousey job is not going to kill a company, my boss who is a real nice lady is married to a greedy man....we submit a bid, he jacks up the price and its redicoulous....than we , of course, don't get the job.....
3 years of his doing this has taken its toll.......we may close the doors over it....it may happen, in fact i would say the chances are good that it willl
my take is " what u DWELL on becomes your higher power".... i am not going to let FEAR be my higher power.....if we "go under" i'll get on unemployment....rest a month as i brush up on my skills, and than look for another job......
as i reconnect with me, i reconnect to my higher self within, and i just have to do what i can do.....detach from the outcome....
i have always believed i must pray to that part of the SOURCE that is within me....why do i feel so disconnected so much???? becuz it is going to take TIME for me to reconnect...but i see shards of progress...
lately i have been triggering MAJOR., but a friend of mine in acoa and i are going to be "sponser partners" we will sponser each other...and i am getting into more meets.....went to two REAL gr8 meets this weekend.....
my old sponser and i split...her timing was unbelievable....i am having ptsd symptoms BIG time over my potential job loss and she decides to "back off" from me.......well, its funny, i really wasn't even shocked..nothing much DOES shock me anymore.......some folks are for a life time...some are "here today--gone tomorow" and i have learned enough flexibility in this program to better just "ride it out--don't fight it--let it GO"...say "God bless and good luck"......but i did think for a second "omg on top of THIS?? i get THIS???" but u know what?????
since the split i have been in two REAL good meets, got a "recovery partner" and GR8 support from my sister and my best friend in the whole world (THIRTY years of mutual loyalty and love with each other)..., who called me today and really offered her help and support .......
so, i think if u give love, u receive it....i am......
tomorow i'll walk into work, who knows how long we will be "there" but whatever.....i made sure my mortgage is paid for a year if i can no longer handle it on my own ---- i get extra $500 per month for 3 months on unemployment insurance i bought for $16 per month....my credit card payments are insured.......
there ARE things i can do.....there ARE people whom i can count on to BE THERE for me......
i am going to dwell on my trust in me and my higher self within that i can take care of me........instead of the gloom and doom.....i just have to keep teaching me that i am a DIFERENT me....a BETTER me....a HEALTHIER me.....and "go with it"
I worked for an employer who was doing some unethical things a few years back. I am an honest person and he was afraid he'd get reported and in trouble for the things he was doing, and I felt really uncomfortable being a part of that business. One day there was a conflict over a situation in which some children were endangered. I told him I had to do the right thing for the safety of the children, and he said that if I did I was fired. I walked out and never looked back.
Another boss I had was in a large sevice business, with branches and all. The business itself was a good one, but this boss was crooked. We also got into conflicts over the unethical things she ordered me to do. I stayed in that job for a few years, but it was constant conflict. I told her I'd rather be in trouble for doing the right thing,, than for doing the wrong thing. The stress of it finallly made me physically ill, the lupus got really bad. I asked to be laid off and was laid off.
It is tough to be an honest person in a dishonest place. I'm glad my child is grown and I'm not that desperate any more. Now I can be more choosy in who I get involved with.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
