The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"
There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.
We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.
Boy, that was so true for me. During my last years of drinking I was acutely aware of that insanity and the seeming hopelessness of my condition. Finding myself in the same drunken despair over and over again and wondering how I'd forgotten the pain of last weekend, a few days ago... or even the night before. Some sort of insane amnesia.
When I first reached out for help, realizing that I couldn't do this myself, I explained to a doctor how I'd often find myself after a night of drinking in my basement tying a noose onto the rafters wishing to end it. When he suggested I come in right away to see him I balked. I explained to him how I was working on many different important projects at work, couldn't find time, had responsibilties, etc.
He then pointed out the absurdity of this given what I'd told him about my basement gallows.
Thank god, a day at a time, I don't have to live like that today.
There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.
Big Book pgs. 24&25"
Isn't it amazing? Miracles, really,, Praise God.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
It's kind of weird how this program works. In the depths of my despair I have found hope. As long as I read the book and discuss what's in it I find solutions to problems. I don't choose to dwell on the bad today. If I can't fix it I need to leave whatever it is alone until I have "the right tools." As the book says I need to focus not on changing the world but in changing my outlook and attitude. Well that's my interpretation anyways!!! I still struggle with my anxiety and depression but it's not so bad anymore. The one thing I'm learning very, very slowly is how to trust myself and the decisions that I make and knowing that I'm doing the best I know how and being content with the way things are. Funny, I just read what I wrote and I see lots of writing errors!!! So much for contentment!!! Oh well, I need to learn to leave good enough alone. Practicing these principles in all my affairs.....what an order!
I'm human and human beings make mistakes. I just hope that I can learn from them and not become some statistic. The way I look at it the odds are against me and I need to fight and give everything I have to this program in order to live the way I think my Creator would want me to live.
I remember vividly sitting in my living room, drunk again, and picking up my Big Book. I opened it and read for the millionth time the table of contents. I stared at There is a Solution...
I tried to read some but being in my drunken fog I couldn't do it.
Just that one line
There is a Solution gave me hope.
Thank God for AA and all of us recovering people.
Thanks for the post. It's good to remember how it was....
soberdrunk said_____________Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it.
i say_____________ boy that is sooo true.....i think pretty much ANything can be cured or at least managed if i am totally honest---open---willing------ and that leaves NO room for the pride crap....when i got here, i was brokenn, beaten down., but still i had pride/ego cuz i was rebelling against surrendering to anything other than me.....i was fighting the "God thing".....it had to grow on me as i learned that there ARE things i can trust.......now?? i can honestly say that i am humble and how do i know??? cuz i am reachable adn teachable.....the INSTANT i feel like "yeah, i got it" i am in deeep doo doo, and its "call sponser time"........i don't ever want to go back to where i was.............gr8 share, thank U...rosie
