Two meetings in three days people have cross-talked. God this drives me crazy. It's one thing to talk at a meeting but when people start arguing over stuff in the middle of one, what do you do? I know what my first reaction is but I'm learning to bite my tongue these days. It doesn't really say anything about cross-talking in the readings so I was wondering if this is a problem in other areas of the world and how it's dealt with. I know I'm ranting but I'm slightly irritated. I would like some of your thoughts on this one. Thanks.
In these parts...its the responsibility of the chairperson, to keep the meeting in order...and that includes crosstalk...
If there is cross talk...the chairman will simply say.."Could we refrain from any crosstalk please"..and that is usually the end of it....
If it doesnt end there..the chairman will ask..that the persons involved..take it outside of the meeting....so as to not disrupt others that wish to share, and listen...which..has happened..but in very rare cases..
Usually the chairperson commenting...will end it all...
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Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
I remember when I first started going to meetings and heard people pouring their hearts out over some very serious stuff ... then when they ended everyone just said "Thanks for sharing".
I thought... that's all? WTF ? Somebody help these folks or at least give them some advice.
That was before I had a better idea of how this works.
Now my pet peeve is over-doing the "AA etiquette" and the various chanting and such. I know some folks find it comforting ... I did too at first.
Now it seems rather cultish and exclusive. However, it certainly lends itself to some wonderful parody. Yet I'd hate to see AA become like that.
I find it refreshing when a new person comes in and obviously doesn't know how to "talk the talk". Last night at a meeting 2 new folks were really speaking from the heart and it really made the meeting for me.
Maybe it's just where I'm at. I was thinking after the meeting about how, after being around for a while, would I really feel comfortable just spilling my guts if I needed to? I'm talking about myself here because I sensed a real danger in that for me. That is, if I couldn't do so because I felt I had to maintain a sort of facade of longtime sobriety.
Granted I would want to use judgement and not go off like a madman... I mean I wouldn't want to scare away anyone who might think: "So that's what sobriety brings?!". But the fact is, I've had some pretty crazy ideas over the years ... one recent one which involved a resentment and an incendiary device.
On the other hand, I can think of several occasions early on when I was very impressed that someone with long-term sobriety was struggling and knew enough to talk about it in a meeting. That made it real for me.
It takes a big man to cry, it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. (Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey)
yeah,,,, I can tell when somone is just talking.. they kind of automaatically say the old party line stuff without really sharing anything real... and just kind of repeat and repeat, and I kind of wonder if there is a real person in there any more,,,, at least I figure the real person and the program stuff they are repeating don't match. balance I guess.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I have heard a little cross-talk at my meetings, but usually it gets stopped pretty quickly. What I hated was when one guy once was making very pointed digs at another who had spoken his mind a bit earlier. It was apparent the two of them dislike each other, but the second guy just couldn't control his obvious jealousy-there was little he said that really had any impact on sobriety for anyone there. I think no one knew how to stop the second guy, so he was allowed to finish his rant. Nothing like trying to create factions in AA and make people take sides!
I am lucky that I do not have enough sober time to lead a meeting for my group (someone did jokingly say i could, but I know the rules!) because I wouldn't like to have to try to stop rants like that one. I also would hate to have to tell people to speed up their sharing so each got a chance to share-we have some folks who could talk the whole hour, and sadly say the same thing they always do, just add more and more. I guess my pet peeve is when I am not allowed to speak myself! (I bet most people would never have thought I'd feel that way when I started, but I shared in my first meeting and have only not done so twice since-and it bugged me a bit the second time, because our reading was almost "me" to a T, but I had to abbreviate my words of wisdom into my introduction-what a letdown! My big ego had to stay quiet and listen for the most part! I took it as a lesson-but only after praying about it!)
Cross-talk is annoying, and so are sidebars and people who get up to go talk on their cellphones in another room, but what do we want when we have to be around such a bunch of messed-up people? At last I feel more true friendship at AA than I have ever had before. I guess I'll take that, and edure the things that bug me about it. After all, maybe I bug someone myself!
When i was telling someone that a person that, when she spoke, she Really got on my nerves. And she was always speaking, and i was thinking finding a different meeting because of this.
He suggested that when she began to talk, that I say the Serenity Prayer, loud in my head, so as to block her words. Well guess what, it worked! Whenever she speaks, or whenever I start looking the ceiling, because I am not getting a clear message from someone I think is just rambling, I do the same thing. I did it yesterday, twice, it works. Kind of like they never talked. It was a great suggestion, and thought it might help.
I don't think most of us are there, because we are WELL, so you have to expect some unhealthy stuff in AA. Not always, but it sure does come up.
Have a good day, "And don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all Small stuff" (that to me represents little things and then the Major things that can throw us "off" our own tract of Stable Recovery) Sobriety first in Everything.
Hi there, it helps me to remember that AA is full of a bunch of really sick bastards, of which I was one, not really sick any more, just a little. We wouldn't be there if we were well. So, I try to remember the message, pick what I need, and let the rest go. In my groups I go to, expecially the bigger ones, it is announced there is a 5 minute limit on sharing in order to get those who want to share have a chance. It is also asked at the end of the meeting if someone has a burning desire to share that was not called on. I like that. And, remember the meeting before the meeting and the meeting after the meeting are so important. I try to go a half hour early, and be ready to get together for coffee afterward if I can.
Some groups, especially of oldtimers who have known each other for a while, have good natured cross talk, and it can be pretty funny. Arguing is never appropriate!!!!!
Just my thoughts on the subject. Lets all have some peace and joy for the day!!
MY pet peeve is when people don't share any hope, especially when newcomers are there- Maybe we have to unload our troubles now and then, but the message of hope is soooo important, that is probably the primary reason for meetings- I get so mad when there is a newcomer, and some miserable dude with 20 years goes on and on about how if you get sober youre not gonna feel any better for 5 years- NOT so!!! We can start working a program, helping others and feeling better whenever we want!!!
JB
PS, thats whats nice about this board... here we CAN cross-talk
