Step one tells me that only through my admission of powerlessness over alcohol can I start to recover. As I look around and try to figure out what I do have control over I realize there is very little. I have control over my actions. I can choose whether or not to pick up that first drink today. Sometimes I feel like a pawn in a chess game with God in control of what happens next. This is something I'm coming to terms with. As it says in the book, every instinct inside me cries out against feelings of powerlessness. The only way I can gain control of my drinking is by admitting alcohol owns me and does with me what it wants?
If only I could apply these concepts towards other areas of my life....
Some days this stuff makes perfect sense. Other days I can't tell you which end is up. At my meeting last night I learned that as alcoholics our "wiring" is all screwed up. For me it's kind of like when I get in sticky situations I have an overpoering tendency to self-destruct. I get all sorts of goofy thoughts in my head. If I was to tell someone about my "goofy" thoughts they might think I was crazy. Yet if I tell another alcoholic what I'm thinking about they just nod their head like it's a perfectly normal thing to have screwy thinking!
Today I am glad that there are other people who deal with the same things that I do. This road I am trudging sometimes has potholes and detours and quicksand(fear) all over the place. I'm trying to learn to avoid these instead of blindly walking wherever I please.
I hope some of this makes sense. I wish all of you a good day. Peace.....
I think years of drinking and other substances does sabotage our neuronal circuitry, basically our brains receive powerful reward signals for what was otherwise self-destruction, over and over again- classical conditioning that kills.
Building up all sorts of healthy, positive, enjoyable habits in recovery is very important, AA is a foundation for that. Thus we can become useful to ourselves and others... Healing does seem to be possible- I may seem like a guidance counselor here but I feel strongly about this-
screwed up wiring,,, stinking thinking.... drinking is only a symptom... yeppers.. got to rewire the system,, and the 12 Step program is a way to do that... it gives us some positive things to think about to replace the screwy ones. "Building up all sorts of healthy, positive, enjoyable habits in recovery is very important, AA is a foundation for that." I totally agree with that.
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Was reading this thread, and what I thought about was this woman that was Speaking, she will have 23 years, next month, and she said, "No matter how much time we have in this Program, I know I will never be normal. I will still be different that other people, and only Alcoholics understand that" it made a lot sense to me, I have some time in the Program, and I still notice with people in general, that I do feel "different" in spite all the positive things that are in my life.
Working the twelve steps, are truly the way out of the disease of Alcoholism, there is abundant proof of that. But, ever be able to really relate to others, like I can to another Alcoholics, I dont think so. So I feel the wiring after repair is still different wiring. Thats just my take on this.
As far as Powerless, I thank you for the subject matter, it helped with a family tragedy that I heard of last night. So powerless, i can Prayer for the person. We are and will always be powerless of people, places and things, and so very powerless over what happens to others, and when tragedy occurs, to not go into fear, which I did, as an old reflex, just breath into my own powerlessness, be there for my Son, that I am sure is hurting over this. Nothing else can be done. It is also gets your attention, to questions like, have I shown the people I love, that I love them, do I let them really know how dear and appreciated they are. Anyone that i have forgetten to be especially kind to. on and on. Do it now, while there are here. The sudden death of this poor young man, makes me realize, that is life on life's terms, and who know who will be the next. Life can be taken in a New York Minute, or a New York flash second.
I have watched this happen many times in my life, most of us do.
