I know there is a time for everything and I'm where I'm at for a reason but this is one of the hardest for me to except, even though I'm getting there.
Needless to say I was a badddddddd boy certain times of my life and blew a lot of friendship trust and love away... I know I'm supposed to remember so as not to do it again...ask forgiveness, let go and let God and be thankful I've the opportunity to make amends in many of these areas, but does a person really ever find compleat peace of mind...Just asking,,,
For me it took a lot of days..and a lot of time...
There was a lot to be dealt with.....
I guess Ide hafta say it was done in pieces....and as time went by...a Higher Power..put situations in my life..where I was able to do more...
Yu know the biggest thing I had a problem with Buddy?
It was the fact that..there were others from my past...that couldnt forgive...they didnt want to forgive...they wanted to hang onto that resentment...as a weapon..and a blame thing...to justify their actions...
That was hard to accept...but once I understood it...I came to accept it...
The other problem I had was FORGIVING MYSELF...I whipped myself to death over some situations..for a long time...and took a lot of 2 way streets...and piled the blame on myself for everything...even tho...there were wrongs done to me...
I am capable of forgiving others..and understanding..where others were comming from..today..
But its taken a long time to forgive myself for the wrongs I did to others..or allowing myself...also..to be in situations...I never should have been in...and being dragged to the bottom...
Today..I can look at the past..with a peace of mind...I have dealt with it all..to the best of my ability...and can do nothing more...
If my Higher Power...puts situations in my life..where I can do more..re amends..I will, if I can..
I can still have emotional hangovers..but I dont hafta dwell on them...
Time takes time buddy...these steps are a never ending thing...In conclusion to your question...the answer is YES...
We are sick people getting better.....not bad people getting good...
Keep Smilin...
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Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
When I first got to AA, they told me I was a sick person trying to heal, not a bad person trying to be good. That makes a huge difference to me today, knowing that I do not have to "regret" the past and I never wish to shut the door on it, doing that would mean I am doomed to repeat it. Something I have no desire to ever do....
"Progress, not perfection". I don't think anybody has perfect peace of mind while living on this earth. St Augustine said, "Our hearts are restless till they rest in You (God)". For me that rest comes in knowing that God works things out for good, ultimately. Romans 8:28. I have done Steps 4 - 9 about my past the best I could. I do still feel regret about some things, especially when it comes to my grown son. I let him down in a lot of ways, and that is still affecting his life,,, But I have to let go of trying to change the past, and trust God to work it out. I am in recovery now, and we are doing much better. The amends I do is to try my best to have a better attitude and behavior now, in the present.
I spent a day with my son last week. He had a little crisis in that he put some things off to the last minute which turned out to be more complicated than he expected. He needed me to get some documents and some stuff. He was very anxious, reflecting the attitudes that I taught him early on. but this time I felt very positive about things,,, what we had to do and what the outcome would be,,, and I was able to share that with him. Especially the slogan "do your best and God does the rest". We discussed what that means, and how he could apply it if he doesn't believe in God. I was a calming and encouraging influence for a change. Later on, by phone, he told me that he thought we had a really good day. Wow!
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
My past has actually become an asset to me. It is my past that got me here in the first place. Sure, there are a lot of things I did that I'm not proud of and certainly was ashamed of. I have learned to forgive myself. If my Higher Power can forgive me, than who am I not to forgive me. I have found the freedom from my past in the process of the Steps. Especially the 4th and 5th Steps and everytime I make amends I gain a little more freedom. I don't dwell on my past, or live in my past. No, I don't shut the door on my past either, for It is somewhere I chose not to go today. If I start making mistakes and bad choices again though, my past will become my future.
Constant vigilance.
Harry
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What we are is a gift from God.
What we make of ourselves is our gift to him.
Thanks all :for your insight....I got to keep reminding myself I'm only 6 months out in my life long journey...a lot of you are sure smooth with your words,,,trying to get a new idea out for me is like coughing up a hair ball haha don't forget I'm the bear,,,,Thanks
