this is my first post on this board. I turned 21 a week ago and also got my one year two days ago. The past few days have been a freaking head trip. I have worked through all the steps (and try to do so on a continual basis), have a sponsor, make meetings and even visit a halfway house for 12 step work. As a result of the program my life has been so much better - relationships mended, resentments let go, healthy, back in school - and these rewards have outweighed my want to drink. However, since my 21st birthday the notion that now it is so much easier (as well as socially and legally acceptable) to drink keeps popping into my head. I remind myself constantly of the consequences though i keep thinking, " you know if i REALLY wanted to i could just go to the gas station and pick up a twelve pack." I feel like i did when i had only a few months sober with the night time cravings and mindgames - the other night i was even playing with the idea of whether i could control my alcohol intake on occasion. Having all these thoughts come so sudden makes me feel like an idiot and that im not doing something right for my sobriety. there has been times in the last few days where the thought of slipping is terrifying and appealing at the same time. I am really accepted within my AA group and have lots of friends but because im the youngest (by about 5 years) i feel a little isolated sometimes. IF ANYONE CAN RELATE OR IF ANYONE HAS BEEN THROUGH A 21ST BIRTHDAY SOBER, ID APPRECIATE ANY ADVICE, EXPERIENCE, OR HOPE.
hi, welcome to the board, and I hope you continue to participate here, as well as with your face2face groups. I'm not 21, but,,, I know what you mean about these thoughts. This disease is cunning, baffling. there's a thread down below somewhere about the 'monster' that keeps after us. That you would have this happen at the time of your anniversary and your 21 birthday makes perfect sense. My best suggestion - 'just for today' I won't drink. You've arrived at this day doing well thanks to God and the program,,, nice to keep it that way. I went out and 'did some research' a while back on Christmas,,, my research showed that I still get messed up when I drink and that it is best for me to leave it alone.
love in recovery,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
HI I have not been through my 21st sober,but I just wanted to say congrats on one year and Happy Birthday. I still get the old head games in my head that is because I'm an alcoholic. I was 24 and just came into the rooms. I was sober many years and had a shrink tell me I was not an alcoholic,but had a drinking problem. The first thing I did after hearing that was go out and drink. I thought if I was just careful,everything would be OK. After many years out there, I came back home to AA. I did not have horrific things happen to me,but head games all the way through my drinking. If you think the head games are bad now,drinking would only make them worse. As they say in AA, "a belly full of beer and a head full of AA just do not mix",it's so true. I still have head games about what the shrink told me and the longer I'm away from a drink,sometimes I forget all the bad things. At any rate, I am educated in all ways on what alcohol can do to you,I could never go back to drinking and be sane about it all. It must be so hard when your young and not drinking like the rest of the young people,just think of yourself as lucky to know the facts at such a young age. I have a 15 year old daughter who is now strait and sober (only 22 days so far), talk about young! She has only attended a few meetings,but she finds them too "old" for her and boring. At least you found you nitch. Congrats again on one year!!!
Hi...Its great to see a fellow, recovering alcoholic..sober...at your age..I have a son..thats in his second year...at 23...
Alcohol...cunning baffling and powerful...
I can identify with you..
..After one year, sober...things got good...maybe too good..and those little voices started going off in my head....
I slackened off meetings...slackened off program..and slackened off sponsor...
Kept hearing this little voice...repeatedly...that everythings ok now....one wont hurt..
At a year and 3 months..I picked one up...it was ok....then it became a 6 pack...still ok...
Then a 12...then a 40 ouncer...and over a period of a very short time...lost everything..I had gained..sober..plus..everything else there was to loose...
This disease affects any age...gender..and proffession...
And as long as Ive been in this program...I can still go through situations and days..where those voices can start talking to me...once more..
And being an Alky..I can rationalize..and deny..and go into that stinking thinking thing at any time..
You are not alone....
When those voices start going off in my head..even today..I hafta get back to meetings..meetings..and more meetings..and still do the "No matter what happens today..I will not pick up a drink"
Hang Tough....
__________________
Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
zoomie, congrats on your daughter's 22 day! I can understand how she would think that a regular AA meeting would be too old for her. Are there any alateen? or youth groups there? If not maybe one could be started. Meanwhile, sounds like the 'do our best and God does the rest' fits the bill here, eh?
love in recovery,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Welcome to the board,you are a miracle.I am so glad you have posted here and are reaching out. keep talking about how you are feeling...here, meetings, to your sponsor,and to your Higher Power.
I have thoughts about drinking again, but when I play the tape all the way to the end, I realize nothing good will come from it.Our thoughts are just that thoughts, we don't have to act them out.
Please keep reading and posting here.We need your experience, strength and hope.
thanks everyone for the feedback - i cant believe how fast so many of you responded! i just posted this last nite and wasnt expecting to see any responses. i had a really rough day at work (i work mornings) and after reading what you guys had to say i feel much better. i dont know why but i always feel so much more hopeful knowing that im not the only one getting these thoughts and emotions and that there are other people who care. thanks a lot guys.
Congrats on a year clean- I was in a sober house when I turned 21- Being there, I think I didn't think about it much... my drinking/using was a nightmare- I have been in and out since then (mostly in), have about 5 months back (am 22 now)- but I guess the actual 21 thing just didn't phase me-
That aside, if you have a year you probably have a good idea of what helps- Sticking close to friends in AA and meetings, working the steps, sponsor, calling people, and when all else fails, try to help someone else... Like even just walk outside and look for someone to help immediately, in any way, particularly alcoholics, but even just volunteering at a hospital, nursing home, soup kitchen, etc- That can be cool-
