I phoned AA tonight.. spoke to lovely girl.. I have aggreed to go to a meeting tomorrow night.. I know., roughly, where it is.. i gota be there by 18:15 to meet a guy called Chris who girl is gona phone tonight to give him my mobile number and sort it out.... ...
When i got off phone i kinda broke down.. and started crying..i kept saying to myself that "i dont want this any more"..
I really dont want this anymore.. .. im .. my eyes are watery again.. i REALLY DONT WANT THIS ANYMORE.. im fed up of this....I D O N T W A N T T H I S A N Y M O R E!!!
I wana be happy..
Im so fed up of being unhappy.. i just want this to stop.. i want to be happy again.. .... im crying agian... im just so fed up of this...i want to smile again..
I hate sounding like such a wimp.. and im fed up of whining.. i just wana be happy again..i hate this addiction..
i........ i want this to stop..
sorry and i may not be making much sense...but im not sober and im sick to my stomach..and i keep crying.. yeah like a little girl..
I just cant take much more of this.. ffs .. why is the simplest thing in the world so hard to do..
Going to a meeting is one of the biggest steps you will ever take, and in the future, you will thank yourself for doing it.
Entering sobriety is a hard time and usually emotional (F**K, it was for me) Don't be embarassed by tears, the people who you are with have shed many tears in the past.. all of them.
Good luck for your first meeting. I think you may be supprised at how good it is.
Best wishes.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Thanx mate.. ffs. i wana cry again. ffs.. im not a tearful person.. i guess this problem has just built up for too long. i just gota hope that when i wake i hold same feelng bout going to a meetin i reallhy gota go..i realyh gotta
Btw. mate.. i am gona go to shell this coming weekend provding nothing goes wrong thsi week. i am gona go when i finish work friday night.. and come home sunday.. nomatter what it takes.. igot go...
i think im just so scared that tomrrow sobriety will bring fear and that i may not go to a meeting.. but i really REALLY NEED TO .. .. i know that i need to go.. i just hope sobriety stll allows me the understanding and THE COURAGE to go.. .. im scared togo.. but im also scared that when im sober that i might not go..
FFs... but i have agreed to meet guy called Chris in Beaconsfield at 18:15.. she asked me if would aggree.. to meet him.. bless her/
The thing im most scared of right now is waking up and not following this through.. that is the thing im MOST SCARED OF!!!..ffs.. water eyes again..ffs..im almost scared of going to sleep cos im..as i said..scared i will wake up with diff perspective..I HAVE TO DOSOMETHING ABOUT THIS.;
Well i guess i gota go to sleep as soon as.. and deal with it as i wake up..
I am so happy that you picked up that 500 lb. telephone, and have made some AA connections.
I personally feel that that was an act of Courage, this Disease we have is very Powerful, sometimes and maybe most of time the Compulsion is greater in power than we are. That was my stuggle anyway.
And the crying is not of a being a wimp my friend, it is the tears of hopefully reaching the end of the line with being Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired. Takes courage to Cry! Simple.
The Power of the Meetings, being able to finally make some strong connections with others that suffer with the Same Disease, will be there for you. You might have the experience of finally finding you real Home. AA.
God Bless Rob, we have all been Praying for you, all you have to do is just show up, let the Meeting unfold.
There was a young man that came throught this Forum, not to long ago, and talked about how embarrassed he was, that when raised his hand and stated "My Name is -------, I am an Alcoholic, that he began to cry, and was so uncomfortable with his own tears, but decided to go back anyway, to spite his embassasment, and said he was overwhelmed that in that Next Meeting, The Speaking was sharing about his own Disease, and began crying too. And today he has about 4 months of remaining Sober.
I have been in hundreds and hundreds of meetings, my friend, and when I see men cry, is softens my heart like nothing else.
I was at a meeting just a few weeks ago, and an older gentleman was crying through his whole entire sharing, about losing his Daughter to another illness. We learn together Rob, that tears are so Valuable, because they go along with so so many emotions of sadness, and they also sometimes go along with tears of Happiness.
And I believe you can do this, and you can go thru those first 7 seven days again, sharing any thing that comes up, night sweats, shakiness, and everyone in the room will identify with you, thats a promise.
I just came back from a Meeting, and there was a lot of laughter, and then there were also a lot of tears, with people stuggling with all of life's stuff. What I love about the Meetings, always, is that they are all REAL, no one is BSing anyone, we all speak from the heart, that is What keeps them REAL. The REAL Part is we F I N A L L Y get to feel, and not put a gigantic Bangade over the feelings, take the Bandage off, and with sun and air and AA Meetings, we begin to FEEL.......and begin HEALING.
Zoomie said something the other day that I really liked, it made so much sense. "When we reach our Bottoms, we STOP digging.
Lots of Love to you, and feel so much hope that this going to be "the very Best Journey of Your Life". Thats how I see this Journey everyday, and feel so grateful for the Blessing of not Dying a Drunk.
I LOOK SO FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN THERE. SO PLEASE STAY IN CLOSE TOUCH WITH US.
ffsi hate being so wet eyed.. its not me.. .. usualy..yeah i read that message by zoomie too..
ffs.. im just so scared of waking upand not being able to go through with going to the meetin.. cos i know its what i need most of all..
Im not a sappy f**k by nature.. but things just gettin too much....well im gona try to sleep now.. . speak to you soon.. thanx so much.... to everyone.. i will let you know how i get on..
hey, Rob,,, I kind of feel like you are some kind of brother now. You might not 'feel' the same way when you wake up.. but you made a decision based on wisdom, not feeling... so no matter how you 'feel', go anyway. k?
and Rob,,, it sounded last time like you were having some definite withdrawals, and you may benefit greatly by finding some professionals to help you detoxify safely and more comfortably. The people at the meeting will probably know the best professionals,, cuz they been there and done that.
We got you in prayer,,, and that means that we know that God is with you. Just call on Him, if you are able. If not,, I'm calling on Him for you.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Before I finally got my sobriety back, through the help of AA, I would lay awake in the middle of the night, in agony, angry that I couldn't quit on my own, thinking that if there was a God, why wouldn't he help me overcome this curse.
IT turns out kinda like that story of the man in a flood, sitting on his roof. A guy comes by in a boat and offers to take him to safety, and he replies, "No thanks, God will take care of me." Then a helicopter comes by when the water is so high that he has to climb on his chimney, and they offer him a rope, and he replies, "No thanks, God will take care of me." Then the water rises so high that he is swept off and drowns. When he gets to Heaven, and asks God, Why didn't You take care of me?" God replies, "What do you mean, I didn't take care of you? I sent you a boat and a helicopter!!!"
I finally got the message! "Hey man, I sent you AA!"
Go to that meeting my friend. Take hold of that rope.
We care about you. We want you to win. So will the folks at your first meeting.
Just a P.S. I heard this a long time ago. In references to all your tears. "Sometimes we have to Breakdown.......to......Breakthrough!" Breaking through to a new life better than any thing you can imagine. Just one little day at a time. One of the greatest lessons learned here in AA is that we don't have to worry about tomorrow, it really never comes, we can live each day on a 24 hour basis.
You seem to have gotten a whole lot of good advice. It sounds like you made a commitment to meeting that guy tomorrow. That's good news. If you put your hands out to us (AA) , we aren't gonna let ya go. Tears are a perfectly normal thing for people at meetings or out of them for that matter. I've cried at meetings plenty of times. We are all rooting for you. I feel like you are already part of the family (AA)!! I have a list of phone numbers here at home which is nothing but people in the program, almost a hundred numbers that I've collected over these last four years and I know I can call any of those numbers and get 24 hour support for what ever I'm going through. That is a good feeling for me! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep posting.
Hey Rob, I know it's been hours since you posted but I just got my PC to come on again.
I want you to know I'm praying for you,you can go to that meeting.If anyone of us could, you know we would be there to walk through the door with you.We will all be with you in spirit.
You have already met a lady on the phone who cares and Chris will be waiting for you at the meeting. Just do it Rob...you will never regret it.
Good morning Rob. Tears are healing and it's OK to cry. Today is the big day to go to a meeting. Rob, in my program I just have to not drink one day at a time. Today I will not drink,but who knows what tomorrow will bring. It's to overwhelming to think I cannot drink forever,so just for today I will not drink. Rob,no one is saying just because your going to a meeting that you have to give up the drink forever,but going to a meeting and meeting up with people who care,just might make you feel more happy and less alone. Rob to be honest, I'll have more respect for you if you go to the meeting tonight and meet up with these people than I do for you coming her and posting when your already smashed. Your probibly tired and will have any exscuse not to go,but I think you can be tired and hung over for one night just to get it over with and to see what AA is all about. LOL, If I was there I'd drive your ass myself to get you to go. Today Rob my butt had to get up at 5am to get my 15 year old daughter up to go to school. I hate mornings and I hate getting up at 5 am more than anything. My girl though is facing a detention home if she does not attend school. I'm doing my best to help her because I'd really miss her if she went to a home. We all here are taking our time to talk to you and help you,but none of us can be there to take you to a meeting,we can just talk to you. I hope tonight I'll find a post by you that you went to your first meeting. You can do it Rob, I know you can!!!
Rob, you don't have to do it just for today. I'm willing to bet that you can stay sober for 24 hours. As someone else said, not forever, not for tomorrow, just for today. Somebody told me a while ago, "Harry, you don't have to stay sober for the rest of your life. All you need to do is stay sober just for today, ONE DAY AT A TIME." Took a big weight off my shoulders.
The only thing I can guarantee you is, if you don't have a drink just for today, I guarantee that when you put your head on your pillow tonight, you will go to sleep sober.
If you keep on doing the same thing, your going to keep on getting the same results.
God bless,
Harry
What we are is a gift from God. What we make of ourselves is our gift to Him.
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What we are is a gift from God.
What we make of ourselves is our gift to him.
Hey Man I know just how your feeing Im on day 2 again 0ne more shot {pardon the pun} and Im checkin in to a rehab It really sucks when you start gettin depressed even before you pass out! It just dosnt even work any more Just dont give up Man If your still here you got a chance at Happy Joyious and free Thats what I want I aint givin up AA works I know it, Ive experienced it You deserve a nice life just like all of us other drunks Go to another meeting or go to bed Ill pray for you if you pray for me
Hey Man I know just how your feeing Im on day 2 again 0ne more shot {pardon the pun} and Im checkin in to a rehab It really sucks when you start gettin depressed even before you pass out! It just dosnt even work any more Just dont give up Man If your still here you got a chance at Happy Joyious and free Thats what I want I aint givin up AA works I know it, Ive experienced it You deserve a nice life just like all of us other drunks Go to another meeting or go to bed Ill pray for you if you pray for me
HI selfwillsally..
Thanx for your post..
Well im not religious but i will think of you and hope for you.. and i guess metaphoricaly pray for you in my own way.. I wish you the best.. and well day two .. thats more than me..I cant get to a meeting till monday probably.. its possible for sunday but unlikely.. I have made post tonight in my other (one of my other) thread "i actualy made it to a meeting".. iv had to edit and add to it most the night cos i keep remembering things.. .. but if you read that they you will know that i went to a meeting and how i am doing..
I am drinking tonight.. though im not fucked .. yet.. i prob will be.. ffs.. i am working on it..
I really hope you are doing ok.. and i really wish you the best.. pm me anytime.. and thanx for your hope and advice..
Good luck with the rehab.. i cant afford that.... ..but i will get there.. it may not sound like i am gettin there sometimes but i am.. believe me i am further mentaly now than i have EVER EVER been. even though i am drinking.. i am.. well i dont know how to describe it. but i guess im closer to a more happier state than i have been for a long time.. even though some of the time.. im feeling worse than i have ever felt.. probably because. well not probably.. but because im facing up to things.. .. i still laugh at smile at work and that is genuine.. i am not totaly depressed.. i just have this problem that i gota sort out and i know that if .. when i do .. my life will be so much more.. and i will be so much hapier..
Well like i said .. i have made a VERY long post in my other thread.. and that says more of how i am..
Id like to know how you are doing as time goes on..
Hang in there and ..well lets keep eachother updated..
