Early recovery is supposed to be kinda weird, right? Well, I'm a bit of an oddball, I've been accused of thinking too much (well, about SOME things, maybe!) but let me relate a little incident that happened and I think it's an example of my Higher Power working in his usual way of mystery laced with humor (the joke being on me, of course!)
I live about 2 1/2 miles from my AA hall, and partly due to the price of gas, partly due to my need for more (or any) exercise, and partly due to a desire to prove I can do it, I walk to and from meetings two or mroe times a week lately. I did so Monday...a sort of cool day, I had to wear gloves and a scarf when I left. And that turned out well for me, though I didn't need them all the way there, I ended up sweaty by the time I got to my meeting. But the funny, possibly symbolic thing was this...
I have walked the way I went several times, so I know it pretty well by now, it's pretty routine. I have to watch as I cross some wide roads, and be careful of traffic at an intersection just past a major highway. I'm usually fine at that-only darted out with a car turning and heading my way once! But I also use a shortcut through an apartment complex, and in front of their main building, there is a path for people to park cars on the street and walk to the building by using some stone steps.
Well, I use those steps (and yes, this is the symbolic stuff, I feel) and I looked at them at first because they seemed a bit uneven, maybe even old and crumbly. But I've gone up them a few times, so I wasn't so attentive as the first few times-and you probably guessed it, I somehow tripped and fell! (Think Three Stooges humor here-only just one Stooge, a kind of Curly/Larry female hybrid!) I had braced myself with my gloved hands, which probably saved my left knee from more than the scrapes it got-my hands seemed to take the brunt of the impact. I bruised my left middle finger and the two fingers next to it, as well as my right palm. Oh yeah, my pride took some bruising, I suppose. But I picked myself up and continued on at the same speed I'd been going, and arrived on time. I had a doctor tend to my injuries-well, a can of diet Dr Pepper, that is! It seemed to do as a ice pack, since my knee did not swell up and bruise as I expected it to.
But do you get the symbolism there? I fell probably because I took the steps and my surroundings too much as a routine-I was not careful, I was thinking beyond the present situation, so I fell. But I did react as I feel was best-I did not sit there and cry, I didn't turn around and head for home, I didn't head to the bulding nearby and try to sue the complex for difficult, unsafe steps-I said a bad word, got up and continued on like nothing had happened. I was grateful for my gloves being on. I knew I needed to go to the meeting, and did so, assuming any injuries were minor, and if needed, I could get help there from people who cared.
Ok, it's late, I had another little bit of my "Walking Wisdom" but it can wait-this came out sort of stupid. I hope you see some of what I saw, and why I find it both funny and symbolic. But I really needed that experience, because I know I've been in a bad way in my brain, and if I do happen to fall, I must remember what I should do-pick myself up and keep going to AA!
Hmm. Sounds like, if you don't pay proper attention to the 'steps' when you are using them, you may stumble on them instead of having them take you to a higher level.
Well Bonzo, I saw a different prespective here. The Steps represent the 12 steps, but they also represent life, as a whole.
Your fall, which to me represented the powerful message, of remembering that we are all just mere humans, we make mistakes, we get to take a real hard look at how the mistake was made, and just as you know those steps better now, next time you take them, you will approach them from a different Prospective.
Great symbolism of Life, we walk this Road of Recovery together, we do now have friends (the ones that would have helped you, had you needed them to) and a great message of how, when you stubble, it is humbleing, but we get up, dust off, and just keep walking. Staying on the same Path, with a new, improved look at the Future. lesson: we learned one big lesson, those stairs are dangerous, if we do not approach them with a new understanding.
For me, I can tell you that I will not LEARN anything when things are just going pretty well, the learning takes place, when we are given the information on how to not repeat a mistake that we have just made. 10th step.
"When the student is Ready, the Lesson will Appear" And good For YOU, as far as walking to that meeting. That's a keeper, to my way of thinking.
