Dealing with Fear Pity those who fear what they shouldn't and fear not what they should
How sad it is to see people spend their lives haunted by fear. The joy of life is squeezed out of them by fear of failure, criticism, betrayal, change, rejection, loneliness, poverty, growing old, getting sick, losing one's job, and saying what is on their mind. They are afraid of death. But what is the point? The fear of death doesn't prevent them from dying; it merely prevents them from living.
Fear is like a mutating virus, always causing havoc. It transforms itself into suspicion, mistrust, anger, hostility, aggression, anxiety, worry, hopelessness, and a host of other negative emotions. In fact, most of humanity's problems stem from this primal emotion. Fear paralyzes us and builds an impenetrable wall that blocks our progress. We all will die, but how sad it is to die without having had the chance to meet the person we could have become, were it not for fear.
Our gravest problems are not losses and misfortune, for losses can be regained and ill fortune can be changed to good fortune, but our greatest problems are our fears. To a person of courage, problems and difficulties are mere obstacles that will be trampled on the march forward. On the other hand, even the smallest barrier forever blocks the way of the timid.
All our emotions are helpful tools meant to guide us. It is how we use them that make them positive or negative. For example, enthusiasm is generally helpful, but if I'm so enthusiastic that I act rashly, I may experience negative consequences. Fear is harmful when it is a product of my imagination and false beliefs and prevents me from doing what I wish. But when fear is based on rational thought, it issues a warning, which when followed, will protect me.
Fear can lead us to making the right choices, but it is the debilitating effects of unjustified or irrational fear that is of concern here. How can we eliminate the fear that prevents us from reaching our potential? It starts with awareness. Although we may have no control over the events or circumstances that we fear, our anxiety is not part of those events. Our fear is merely our interpretation of the events. Our fear is composed of OUR thoughts. Once we accept this fact and take responsibility for our thoughts, we can begin to make progress.
Sometimes we cleverly hide our fears by disguising them. If we want to root them out, we need to be mindful of our thoughts and carefully analyze them.
The cure for fear is action. You need to do what you fear. But you don't have to take giant steps. In fact, if you were to try to do so, you may fail and grow even less confident in your abilities. So, take small, baby steps. As you do so, each success will encourage and motivate you to continue. The rewards are well worth it. For as Henry Ford (1863 ~ 1947) said, "One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do."
Another weapon in our arsenal against fear is curiosity. Get involved with life. Learn as much as you can. Develop curiosity. Men and women risk their lives by boarding space vehicles not because they are reckless or fearless, but because they are curious. They are explorers yearning to go where few have ever been. You, too, can become an explorer. Your can explore your vast universe of inner space. You can plunge into the depths of your being and discover the courage to chart a new life, a new beginning. This year, resolve to live the life of your dreams. Kick down the barriers of fear and venture into the unknown. Dare to discover your hidden powers.
Yet another tool to fight fear is acceptance of what is. To experience the fullness and richness of life I should set goals and strive for growth. However, the goals I set are preferences. I don't cling to them and demand that they be fulfilled, for I cannot predict the future. Neither can I know how changing events may make my personal goals unattainable. But by being willing to adapt and change when necessary, I will eliminate fear of not reaching my goals. Instead of having a thwarted goal end in frustration and disappointment, it blooms into a valuable lesson and another step on the road to success.
Your imagination is like a powerful magnet that draws to it whatever you are anticipating. If you are expecting a bright and sunny life, lo and behold, that's exactly what you get. But if all you expect from life are dark clouds and gloom, prepare for storms, for they will surely come. Anticipation of fear can lead to explosive tension. Or, as Alfred Hitchcock (1899 ~ 1980) said, "There is no terror in a bang, only in the anticipation of it." When we use our imagination to focus on the positive, it is empowering and liberating. Yet, when we use it to focus on the negative, it is paralyzing and crippling. Consider the words of Epictetus (50 ~ 120), "It is not death or hardship that is a fearful thing, but the fear of death and hardship."
Become sensitive to your feelings. When you are aware of them, you can control them rather than have them control you. When you feel afraid of doing something you should be doing, stare fear in the face. Say, "I'm not afraid of you. I welcome and embrace you. But it is I, and not you, that will decide what I am afraid of. I welcome fear. I welcome being afraid of losing my potential. I have decided to be afraid of living with regrets. I'm fed up with becoming a puny person that is startled by the sound of my own footsteps. So, I have decided to act and do what I fear. I welcome you, fear, as a friend, for you always point the way I can experience more growth. From now on, whenever I feel fear, I will pause to discover whether the lesson you bring is to avoid danger or accept a new challenge. By fearing what I should, I avoid suffering, and by not fearing what I should not, I achieve success."
Discovering the joy of life can be as simple as being willing to accept discomfort. Barbara Streisand explains, "I can say, I am terribly frightened and fear is terrible and awful and it makes me uncomfortable, so I won't do that because it makes me uncomfortable. Or I could say get used to being uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable doing something that's risky. But so what? Do you want to stagnate and just be comfortable?" Well, what do you think? Do you want to stagnate and just be comfortable?
"Your imagination is like a powerful magnet that draws to it whatever you are anticipating. If you are expecting a bright and sunny life, lo and behold, that's exactly what you get. But if all you expect from life are dark clouds and gloom, prepare for storms, for they will surely come. Anticipation of fear can lead to explosive tension. Or, as Alfred Hitchcock (1899 ~ 1980) said, "There is no terror in a bang, only in the anticipation of it." When we use our imagination to focus on the positive, it is empowering and liberating. Yet, when we use it to focus on the negative, it is paralyzing and crippling. Consider the words of Epictetus (50 ~ 120), "It is not death or hardship that is a fearful thing, but the fear of death and hardship."
I used to have an article about pessimists and optimists, and the survey said,,, that optimists are more successful because they take advantage of opportunities, and that pessimists do bring about more failure because of lack of trying. A self-fulfilling prophecy is when we predict something and then make it come true. For example - "I have a feeling I'm going to have a fight with my significant other today", and then we act in a glum and defensive way, and as the other is affected by my negative attitude, gets glum and defensive too, and then I get hostile because he is acting defensive, and then he gets hostile too, and then we have a fight. Whereas, if I start out imagining that I'm going to have a good day with my significant other, I start out with a smile and an attitude of gratitude, which s/he responds to by warming up and smiling back, whereupon I grow in confidence that we're going to have a good day, and behave in a warm and friendly way, which s/he responds to,,,, maybe even by saying something like, "I was feeling kind of down and your warmth has lifted me up. thank you", and we do have a good day. This is not the same as being in denial. It does not mean problems won't come up. It means being confident that we can handle them together.
Simple as that. but it ain't always easy,
love in recovery,
amanda
Think positive,,, 'do your best and God does the rest'
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
so very very very true......i was "trained" to be a victim...by the perp, than by me and always life-- i was always waiting for the "other shoe to drop" and becuz i was sooo accident prone, self sabotaging, frozen in fear, the shoe usually did, CONFIRMING that the "other shoe was gonna drop"
for me it created a vicious cycle....trained to be victim...saw life as victimizing me...God as "singling me out" to punish/ pester me.....so i took everything personally and just kept the cycle going .......it kept on and on, life never worked...i got victimized over and over
the next thing for me was suicide...it was not so much i wanted to destroy me, it was the feeling that suicide was the ONLY way i would ever feel safe in such an unsafe world, and i would be free/ resting at last from the inner and outter demons who tormented me.....like the old man in the sea, i got worn out to sleep and kicked awake in the morning.....i hated life.....
i was in the middle of yet another attempt to "end this misery" when a friend called and talked me into getting into the 12steps....he kept saying.."change ur mind--change ur life" change my PERSPECTIVE of me/ of God/ of life and things would get better
i said "yeah, right" but figured it was only "right" to give it a chance...than when i did die, God couldn't throw it in my face that i didn't at least TRY!!!!
well here i am 25 months later, and still hanging in there, CHANGING, my way of thinking
my perp victimized me and trained me to be a victim...i had NO sense of boundaries, expressing my needs, taking care of me....i had suffered TOTAL loss of my self, i also was disconnect from my core, and from my God....so how was i to make life work as severally injured as i was?????
this program is doing what no other thing has done....i am changing, progressing, LEARNING how to make life work....
oh i am not where i want to be, but thank God i am no where NEAR where i used to be....
so yeah, this post, really applies to me.....i was the *consumate* pessimist.....looking back, i was the most negative person i can think of.........wow!!!! if i can see the change in me , i KNOW i am changing.....
That's how I choose to look at it right now. I used to see it as quite the opposite, always running from things. Fear still dictates my actions. I hate to say it but it's true. I don't allow many people to get close to me, fear of getting hurt, used, having to relive the pain from past experiences. There are alot of things that I am not ready to look at right now. I am taking baby steps, knowing that in time I will be able to clear away the wreckage by working the steps and living life as it comes, not as I would have it. I wish I could say life was easy right now but that would be a lie. I'm trying my best to not take on too much right now, knowing what happens when I get overwhelmed, so that I can function and gain a sense of accomplishment each day. This is very important to me. The ever-present fear of failure is really driving me right now, forcing me to put one foot in front of the other. I am really trying to allow people to help me and that starts with me. I've found out that all I have to do is ask for help and it's not far away as long as I continue to do the right thing. I'm scared to death and still hurting from the pain I've inflicted upon loved ones and I'm trying to live in the here and now. Talk about difficult. I think I'm starting to ramble so I'd just like to say thanks for the post. Peace.
Just wanted to share my thoughts on Fear, I read once that Fear of Failure and Fear of Success were actually the same. Did not understand that for a while, But came to the conclusion, just for myself, that the Article was referring to the Fact that is was only the Fear, it was the emotion that dominated most of my life. Fear of everything really, blocking off my life force. But today, when I feel the negative part of Fear creeping in, I can turn in over, which I did this morning.
I feel Blessed that you are here with us, and acknowledge all of the hard work that you are doing. God Bless you.
Toni
Just wanted to add a P.S. here, the thought of returning to Drinking is the Strongest fear in my life today, Sober living, after my history, is what I cherish most, and Yes I allow that over-whelming Fear to stay right there. It is after all, a Very Healthy Fear, to me. And remember what a very wise woman said to me, "if you keep your Sobriety in Front of Everything Else, You can keep it, Put something in Front of it, and you will not be able to Keep it. She said those words to me many years ago, and I try to Remember those Words, everyday. Keeps it real simple.
