Well my pc has been pissing about these last few days.. had to format it twice so far.. think im gona have to do it again.. bloody thing..
Thanx for asking after me etc....
Well..
I drank too much friday.. but.. well yesterday (saturday) i felt really awfull.. i got up for like1-1.5 hrs to sort house out before parents got back.. then felt realy bad so got back in bed.. every time i stood up i was heaving.. didnt throw up.. well once in mouth (hmm soz for details).... i had like 1 piece of toast in morning. then mum n dad made me chips, beans and corned beef early evening.. omg it was so hard to eat, had to force most of it down.. and after a few mins i was almost being sick.. so quickly got back into bed..
Wasnt too bad lyin down but got the bin ready close encase i was gone puke.. This was really wierd.. not like normal hang overs.. and my stomach was all gassed up.. .. Im wondering if iv come down with something as well.. Well was laying in bed... About 9:50pm i had about 3 ish smallish glasses of Port.. which had VERY little affect on me but i felt abit sick again so i just got back into bed and watched films till bout 01:30, without drinking more..
I had a really rough night.. on and off sleep, sweating like a pig.. was onto my third t-shirt by the morning.. Similar to the other week when i went through my first night of withdrawl.
Woke up feeling better today but not right.. Definately better today.. got up and sorted some of my new sea fishing equipment out.. but got back into bed about 3:15 this afternoon i guess.. ..Slept till bout 4:30, when my mum came upstairs singing and slamming doors.. dont know if shed been drinking or not..
Had some port and a beer (strong) tonight...not alot though..
This weekend has been abit shitty.. to be honest with you.. ..I duno if ive had... still have abit of a tummy bug or if its something to do with drink.. though i have had more at other times and not bin this bad.. But then i have ALWAYS had problems with trapped wind etc.. (had colic as a child)..
I hadnt intended on drinking tonight.. but well had some in.. doubt iv completley finsihed either.... Im trying, and i know this doesnt sound so nice but get something in me to.. well get the wind moving etc.
I havnt given up.. omg i need my holiday.. think iv got bout 2 weeks till i can get a week off..
I hope all you guys are doing ok.. Speak to you all soon..
Hey Rob, Sorry I didn't get back to you on the PM, I hoped you went fishing.
I guess nothing is going to get better until you get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm praying for you and if you want it bad enough...sobriety is out there for you.Keep posting and reading. Hope things get better with the PC.
Well im still on the board and im still well i guess i cant say fighting.. but i havnt given up.... if i can just get this bloody holiday.. i want a week away in north wales at my favourite campsite.... get fishing and everything and sightseeing and get away from everything.. not been there since october!..Cant wait to get away but cos of weather n stuff ya know... ffs..
But im hopin two weeks time... gona be a long two weeks though!
I have taken vacations away from the booze at times in my life. Problem was, vacations always end. I had to finally get really sick and tired of feeling sick from my drinking, and to be rid of that, more than I wanted to give in to my craving for feeling "buzzed' or just numb from the drinks.
I can tell you from my own experience that you will sooner or later have health problems from this lifestyle.
Sometimes, the only way to totally kick the cravings, and get completely on track, is to sign into a rehab program. Can't pick your way for you Rob, only hope that you find the path that works for you. I only know that I did not finally quit until I wanted soberiety far more desparately than my desparate craving for more drink.
Sorry to hear that rehab counselling is so expensive. Ours actually is too, unless you qualify for government assistance, or can get health insurance to pay for it.
The only other option, is to try the support group methods of AA.
Whatever you find that works for you, Rob, I am hoping and praying for you to find it. Keep coming back, we are all pulling for you.
Cut my right index finger this morning, and because I had some things to do this morning which required my hands, I wrapped it in what looks like a finger cast. Ha Ha, anyway I will attempt to write something here.
I agree with Gammy and Dan, there will be, with the Grace of God, a time will come where you will be sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I believe when that day comes, your Compulsion to Drink, that is obviously Bigger than you right now, someday, if you reach for someone, something, which you consider to be a Higher Power, it could be the Lightbulb in your bedroom, it just has to have more Power than you do, if you will ask that Higher Power to help you overcome the Compulsion, it very well could be the beginning of a new life.
Once, I heard a heroin addict talk about going through getting arrested for shop lifting to support her habit, and was now sitting on a concrete floor, with the over-whelming shakes and tremors that heroin users go through. She talked about a Jail wardon telling her, if you want to shop shaking, Ask God to help, YOU DO NOT have to BELIEVE in GOD, just ask him from that cinical place you are in, you can even laugh at the Process, but IF YOU WANT TO STOP SHAKING that is what I suggest you do. She talked about how, she did not believe in God or any thing like God, but because her skaking was so painful, she said she just did it anyway, thought it wouldn't hurt anything, so she asked the God that she DID NOT believe in to help with the tremors. And the MIRACLE began, the shaking stopped, the tremors faded and she went to her cot, and fell asleep for a good sleep. The shaking and tremors NEVER came back.
I share this story with you, because it was etched into my memories, as someone speaking of a real Miracle. To this day, it gives me kind of goose bumps.
She was telling her story to a group of people in a Recovery Home for woman, that I had gone thru with 2 years earlier. She was on one of the thinnest people, total emaciation from the drugs, watched as she put about 25 teaspoons of sugar into one cup of coffee everymorning.
When she was Speaking at this meeting, she had two years of Recovery, worked the Steps, did come to Believe in that God, that she originally scoffed at, and was now this Beautiful young woman , full of Robust health, had a wonderful job, as a legal secretary, and was talking about how she was getting married to a wonderful man, they had purchase a home, and her life was SO much better, than anything that she could have ever imagined.
When I think about her, I pray that her life still continues to be wonderful, she was truly a lost soul in this world, and by the Grace of God, has something that we all Can Have.... That is HOPE.
So my friend, it is good to see you here, and agree with Dan, your Physical health will continue to deteriorate at some point, and you will know that you do have choices in your life, even when we dont know that we do. Like the old saying, "When we know better, we do better" We are all teachable, thanks to God. My Prayers have been with you everyday.
I had a kind of similar experience one time. When we pray to a God we don't believe in, or we do something according to a God we don't believe in, it is called an 'act of faith'. Their were thoughts in my head, at this time, that there was no God, and that I was a complete fool for believing in God who didn't exist. The thoughts were that I had put all of my eggs in one basket,, the God basket,, and so had deprived myself of some things because of that,, and that now I had absolutely nothing,,, neither the things I had given up, nor the things that were God's promises. It was awful. I went with those thoughts for a couple of days (I don't know if any of you believe in Satan, and that he can attack this way). I decided to make one of these 'acts of faith' and wondered what kind of act of faith I could best do at that time. I decided to go to the local religious store, where there were Bibles, books, pictures , etc. So I went, and was looking around,, still doubting very much in the existence of any God. This was before I came into recovery. I saw a beautiful picture of Jesus, and decided to buy that and put it in the middle of my living room, which I did. And I decided to look at it as if He did exist and was the Son of God, which I did. I did that for a couple of days, just 'acting as if', and then next day, I went to look at it again,, and I had a really deep experience of the Presence of God, and felt something like water pouring over my head,, like rain,, and peace came over me, and my doubts disappeared. A song came to my mind, which I played and sang,,, even while in the institution that I was in when I got the Big Book and 12 X 12 and started in AA. "There is a fountain.."
It is helpful to know that your parents are also heavy drinkers, and that that is the pattern that you've known since early on. That can make things more difficult,, since recovery is a lot learning new life skills. Difficult, but not impossible.
keep coming, Rob. 'Do your best and God does the rest'
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I could relate some gorier details of my last times of drinking. Yours sounded exactly as mine. I continued to drink past the point you describe and it finally resulted in ever more frequent hospitalization. Quit now and avoid the hospital costs. Rehab might be cheaper by comparison! Save yourself those awful feelings. I'm praying you will find the resolve, and put it down. -paul
Hi Rob, sounds like your having a bad time at the moment!
Take some advise from Cabbagehead: "Get to North Wales ASAP!"
Which campsite do you use? My favourite is Hell Island (Sorry that should have been Shell Island), 4 miles south of Harlech near Llanbedr.
I always head for Wales when I'm stressed or having a bad time.
Stay in touch and keep working on it!
Bye for now
Cabbageheadchris@aol.com
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Hi Rob, I was recently turned down for government funding for rehab it seems our government just has no money in the pot right now for alcoholic rehabs ( I am from England too). But I am doing ok with the help of AA just not having a drink a day at a time even though I do find it very hard somedays. I pinned my hopes on rehab a bit too much and it was a real knock when I was told I was not going! I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you are feeling better. Love Trudi
