Alcoholics Anonymous
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: the truth :(


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 24
Date:
the truth :(
Permalink  
 


hi again,


 


only little old me, just thought i had to say coz i feel like cr**.


i have drunk the past 3 nights...(self medication) here i come :(


i hope not, just a slip i am praying for.


i have had the WORST 5 months contained within the worst 7 years of my entire life, and i cracked.


have any of you gone to sleep night after night wondering if you are going to fall asleep or die trying?, woken up feeling as if the slightest thing would cause a heart attack? been in so much pain that, you have to leave your 9 year old daughter to look after your 2 year old daughter because you physicaly can not do any thing to stop it.


have any of you caused your partner to lose money at work because you can not cope with your life, have you taken yourself to A+E/ER 14 times in 5 months because you think you are having heart attacks?,


do any of you live in a house full with people and pets but been soo alone? do any of you have not a single friend in the world?


do any of you at the ripe old age of 28 think that this day may be your last owing to how you feel?


and do any of you hav a partner sent direct from heaven?


who loves you so so so much? and would do anything for you , but you push them away? yet you love them? and have two of he most beautiful children in the world yet you see them as a nusence because you are so tired, sad , in pain, confused ect.


have any of you been so scared to take the medication given to you by the doctors ( to stop you feeling like crap) that you would rather sit in pain, than risk the side effects,


lost so much weight that you can't eat because your stomach has shrunk and it's too painfull when you do?


if yes to any of the above then you can see why i have done what i have done, no it is not an excuse, i still think i am going to drop dead at any given moment but i just wont feel it.


i am so very sad and so scared, i try to put a brave face on but that can only last for so long, i know tomorrow i will be 'fine' again it's my little girls 3rd birthday.


there are heavy drinkers and there are alcoholics, 


heavy drinkers just drink alot, alcoholics drink to change their mood/the way they feel.......well there ya go i must be one eventhough i would never say that, up untill now i always said 'i WAS an A, I don't drink any longer and don't want to be tared with the same brush'...but the truth is the truth.


i'm sorry if i lost 'track' during typing this but things pop in and out of my head!(sometimes) lol


this is just a snippit of what i have been going through and my feelings, i have 28 years worth!....actually not true..........


about 22 years worth,


yay i had 6 good years !!! lucky me


 


 


take care all, i'm getting closer to the edge,


flumpy


   



__________________
life is like a box of chocolates, sometimes it get's sticky!!


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 24
Date:
Permalink  
 

thank you for your reply :)


think you may have got me a little wrong (or not)?


i haven't drunk for sooo long, yes i am full of self pitty at the moment, you are right, i live in the UK and you get no help unless you murder someone!,


not an excuse, 


while i understand your response to me i just need to say you don't know 'ME' 


and the fear, feeling of dying is TOTALY un-booz related.


 


t/c flumpy :)


 



__________________
life is like a box of chocolates, sometimes it get's sticky!!


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1025
Date:
Permalink  
 

Flumpy...did you not say above that you drank the last 3 nights ? That's what I think I heard????


(((Hugs)))


GammyRose



__________________
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 24
Date:
Permalink  
 

hi gammy...all


yes that is what i said,


 


sorry i can't reply properly right now but will in the morning :)


 


thankyou all flumpy


 



__________________
life is like a box of chocolates, sometimes it get's sticky!!


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1155
Date:
Permalink  
 

fLUMPY


FROM WHAT i READ


THE FIRST THING U GOT TO DO IS PUT THE BOOZE DOWN.


CALL IT A SLIP. CALL IT ANYTHING U WANT.  iT DOSEN'T MATTER.


iT WAS KIND OF HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON.


JUST START OVER.   IT'S A  ONE DAY THING


GET UP TOMORROW AND DON'T DRINK


I'LL BE SAYING A PRAYER FOR YOU



__________________


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 77
Date:
Permalink  
 

ok I dont know you Flumpy,  but I do know what you are going through,  been there done that own the tshirt. You are not unique. If you Flumpy are not open to feedback then why are you comming here?????  Is sobriety really what you want ( you dont have to answer me just yourself) we are not here to "enable" you in your sickness. The main  thing is is to get honest with yourself.

__________________


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 24
Date:
Permalink  
 

hi yet again!
can i just clear something up?


when i say i have drunk for the past 3 nights, i don't mean i have gone and got plasterd(shi* faced)


i mean i have had a drink or two, not got 'drunk' just to relax.


yes i did find soberiety before and i plan on keeping it, i just got to the end  of my teather like many do.


and i just came here as many do for a stear back in the right direction before it gets out of control.


not critasisem<<<<<<,sorry i can't spell.


suport not spite...


 


thankyou all again


flumpy


yes i may very well be sittin on my pitty pot, but i need to be right now, this after all is new to me and what i did before i CAN be proud of.


so DON'T push me in.



__________________
life is like a box of chocolates, sometimes it get's sticky!!


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1155
Date:
Permalink  
 

WELL FLUMPY


I GUESS U SAID IT U ONLY DRANK A COUPLE.


MAYBE YOUR NOT ONE OF US ?


ONLY YOU KNOW.


I DON'T THINK ANYBODY HERE WANTS TO PUSH YOU


SO GO AHEAD TAKE YOUR TIME



__________________


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1170
Date:
Permalink  
 

Hi There,


Well I read all of your Posts, and it sounds like you are not in a good place, thats for sure,


But cannot emphasize enough how Meetings CAN CHANGE everything!!!!  Also, suggestions regarding getting a Sponsor. Going back to meetings is hard i know, especially, after you had a slip. But Dear getting back to those meetings is what can help.


I am saying that from my own experience of Today, was asked to Chair the meeting, and picked   Unknown Fear, out of their suggested Topics, and the meeting turned into a very Powerful meeting.  I was in a bad place today, resulting from a lot of phyical pain, I had been dealing with,  when I left the meeting I felt a burst of a return of Spirit in me.  Completely turned my day around for the better.


I personally believe the the underlying reason most Alcoholics become Alcoholics, is just stuffing back the fear inside.  And when we drank, that was the one thing that could makes have a  temporary Reprieve from Fear, and feel like other people, so we thought, then we sobered up and discovered that people that are not Alcoholics live with a lot of fear too.


The beauty of the Program is a new way of Life, one that can be better than anything you ever imagined.  learn how to deal with good days, bad days, and what to do when that old Fear dominated thinking process comes up.  We get the tools in THIS Program to work with  everyday situations.


 So Flumpy, you are here asking for help, and that is the first part of getting help, the asking, I wish you the best in your efforts to get out of that thinking process of what sounds like a lot of misery. 


Have not seen you for a while, how have you been doing, since the last time you Posted on this board.


A great Big hug to you Dearie.  And just a PS. there are a lot of people here that Post from the UK.


Toni.......................And you are Just in the Right Place, if you have a Problem with Alcohol.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hi Again, I just reread the thread here, I did not know exactly you were coming from before, now i do,  You are in the middle of a Relapse, right,  so you are definitly in the right place dear,  There was woman in this meeting today, that talked about going back to Alcohol when her young husband died suddenly, and she continued to drink for three years, when she decided to stop, she said she could not stop, so what she did was start going back to meetings, after about two weeks, she was able to stop, but continued to have the Compulsion to drink, she talked about how it took two months of going to a meeting everyday, talking about  having the Compulsion to drink, but did not Drink,  Finally, the Compulsion went away, and she said her only Prayer was after that experience, that she would never make that decision again, the way she did before.  She also said that after getting a sponsor is When the Compulsion for her was lifted.


i just wanted to share that little story with you, thought maybe you could relate,  So I will say a Prayer for you Flumpy, and also try to Please remember, No one is ever Trying to telling you what to do on this Board,  They are always just some loving suggestions.  AA is a Program of Attraction, not Promotion.  The Whole Program is a Program of Suggestions Only. Period.


And if you have been drinking for around 3 days, right? it makes sense that a Depression would set in, Alcohol is a major Depressant.


Really hope to see you here tomorrow.  New Day


God Bless you Dear.


 


  


 





-- Edited by Toni Baloney at 23:20, 2006-03-09

__________________


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1349
Date:
Permalink  
 

flumpy,,,   there is a saying...  take what you need and leave the rest... k? 


I hear your pain! it does sound like you are in crisis and self-medicating. You have visited the ER, and have gotten some real meds from somewhere that are giving you side effects?  hmmm


yes,, I have been there and done that. It sounds ,,,,  well,,, I'm not going to make any diagnoses or do any therapy here....  but I am going to pray that you find the help you need to get through this. And do keep coming here for support too, k?


I pray that you will be able to enjoy the day tomorrow, in celebration of the birth of your precious child. And that you can calm down with your husband.


I have had nights where I have anxiety attacks to the point where I have to go to the ER,,,  with me it is PTSD,,,,  and sometimes it does into crisis.  I don't know if that is the case with you or not..  but I can relate to some of the things you are describing.


How is your relationship with a Higher Power? Have you been able to do Steps 2 and 3?


love in recovery,


amanda



__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 218
Date:
Permalink  
 

Boy can I relate.  I was int eh same panic attack mold as you where a coupe of years back.  I layed on the bed and said "god take me now if i'm dying".  Nothing happend,so i guess I was ment to live.  I also was in so much pain that I had to do exactly what my doctors told me to do.  They where sort of like my higher power.  i had to trust someone so I trusted the doctors to help me.  I'm now on medication and really have only had a melt down a year ago and again I did just what the doctors told me to do.  I was in great fear of losing my kids because my filp outs where affecting them and someone called CPS.  It strained my ass right up and stopped fooling around with not taking my meds,I talk to people when I get upset and I no longer fear dying.  If your going to die,your going to die nothing can stop it.  I hope to live to a ripe old age,but who knows,that is why I live one day at a time.  I'm going through some real hard stuff right now,but I know too drinking is not going to make it better exspcailly with medication.  A long time ago I use to drink and take medication,or not take my meds so I could drink.  I know though I had a rude awakening when I thought about losing my kids because I was too nuts to not even take care of myself.  Then I thought perhaps they would be better off.  But my kids love me and I'm thier only mom,so I had to get my act together.  If your told to take meds,then take them because the doctor is trying to help you ,not hurt you.  I'm not a doctor so I cannot tell you what to do or say what's wrong,but your story reminded me of me in a manic phase or a depressed state not wanting to get up.  Thank God for my kids,they did give me a reason to get up every day... And I personally do not drink because I want to be sober and be the best mom I can be.

__________________


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:
Permalink  
 

I've been where yo are and it wasn't "fun". My light-bulb moment started when I heard an old-timer (6 whle months sober!) poin out that "you can't stop drinking, drinking. -- strange what seems to make sense to us. Good luck and talk up at your f2f meetings.

__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 129
Date:
Permalink  
 

Get to a meeting. That's where I first found someone who understood. A live human being who accepted me with all my trauma, problems and all. And welcomed me into the only place in the World that could have helped. I had to Get Involved. Start your new Life NOW! Welcome! -Paul

__________________


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1349
Date:
Permalink  
 

About meds...  there are usually at least a couple of choices of meds for a particular condition, and various dosages.  Sometimes one med does not agree with us or is at a dose where we are getting too much side affects...  it is sometimes possible to change the medication or to lower the dose....  but this should be talked about with the doctor. That is definitely not in our scope here.


love in recovery,


amanda



__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.