Hi. I am in my 50's. I got high the 1st time around 12. Drinking soon followed. In the past 40 years I have not had more than three weeks sober. Self imposed three weeks. Guess I can do three weeks on my own. This past week I got thru a half gallon, then a fifth, then another half gallon between Friday afternoon and very early Sunday morning. I have never been busted. I own a home. I own a car. I go to work five days a week. What I have lost is friends, family, music, joy and a need for a relationship. They have not turned against me, I checked out years ago. That is why. I have admitted to many close people that I am an alcoholic. The people I checked out on. They know. I know.
I went my 1st AA meeting 20 years ago. I have been to many since. Not as many as I should have. So there is my history. My question...
The meetings I have been to are large gatherings with 20 - 50 people. Maybe a dozen tables. I did speak up and introduce myself. I did listen. I have found that these meetings are very depressing. I walk out sober, but that's it. I have not learned a gosh darn thing. And often, I felt worse off.
My question, and the reason for joining and this post tonight, is there a small group option? I think if I could sit with three or four people in a room and talk, this may help me. The book talks about closed and open. Maybe I need something else. A small meeting is something I really could do. Would look forward to.
Welcome! I live in a high population area, and the meetings here tend to fill up more and more until they fill up all of the available space in the room. I discovered that one way to find a small meeting is to find one that occurs in a small room. They just CAN'T get big.
Another option is 'step study' meetings, which sometimes tend to be smaller, and of course if you can go to meetings that are at times which are inconvenient for a lot of other people, you may find meetings with lower attendance.
But I'd point out that your outlook may likely have changed a lot since you were going to meetings 20 years ago, and whatever it was that you found depressing (and it likely didn't have anything to do with the size of the meeting anyway) may not be an issue for you this time. I would encourage you to just get to a LOT of meetings, and try lots of DIFFERENT meetings, and keep at it until you settle on a regular schedule of some meetings that you really like. You really won't know how you'll feel about it until you do it. Good luck, and let us know how it's going!
When I decided to get back to the AA rooms, I went to 1, 2, sometimes 3 meetings a day ... this meant I went to several different groups within a bout a 25/30 mi. radius of my home ... this gave me a good perspective on just how these groups differ and just what I could expect in the way of what kind of participation they may expect from me ...
The larger the group, the easier it was to go unnoticed ... the smaller the group, the easier it was to feel comfortable in sharing my concerns with those present and the more time I had to share my needs ... both type groups have their own benefits depending on the individual attending ... personally, I most prefer the groups with about a dozen or so in attendance ...
I suggest your priority be to get to as many meetings as you can for a couple weeks at least ... then decide which you like the best and stick with them ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
There is a sort of solemness in the meetings when somebody is sharing a story. You know why? Cause what we've been through sucks. Sometimes, it's nice when somebody shares a story, and interjects some humor in it. Although alcoholism is no laughing matter, a little laughter is just what we need sometimes in this life. And it ain't no different in a meeting. I ALWAYS make everybody laugh. Every single time I speak up. But, then again, I was always the class clown.
I can't tell you, how many times, when I've been feeling really down, I go on YouTube and watch a comedian. Or a comedien. It always cheers me up. George Carlin was a Godsend. Even if he didn't believe in God. Louie CK is carrying his torch.
Ha! ... ... ... Seems as though we have a few clowns on the board here??? ... Yep, I are one too, LOL ...
Over the years, I found a 'closeness' in the rooms that I had rarely experienced in my life ... due mostly to those of us who had worked the 12 steps and had lost the desire to ever drink again ... until that point in time, it was as if we were walking on eggs all the time ... one miss step, and catastrophe ... REAL OR IMAGINED ... this is not a good way to live life ...
One time, and I'll never forget this, a guy came up to me after a meeting and said ... I been coming here for a couple weeks now, and what you shared was the funniest thing I ever heard, why is it, I couldn't laugh???, I want to apologize for sitting there like a dunce ... and I wanted you to know, it wasn't you, it was me that just couldn't let go ... my life is so miserable, I can find NO humor in anything at all ...
I told him that 'you're not any different than the rest of us' ... you see? ... when we walk through those doors, we are so emotionally and spiritually sick, we can hardly see ourselves having to endure just one more day ... so I said, if you can see your way clear to come to every meeting as if your life depended on it, we'll help you change that attitude you have into one where you look forward to each and every day ... AND, you'll be able to laugh once again ... remember, it's not you, it's the disease that has you down ... you know what we promise??? ... Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. ... and it's true, if you will let us help you work the program and you have the capacity to be honest ...
Do you have a sponsor yet???
Love you guys and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
No commitment really, because this model has not worked for me. I know (two) people who have worked AA, successfully for over ten years. That is why I sought out this site and shared. The girl I'm talking about turned everything around. She is happy. Her life is going somewhere. She is my inspiration to seek help. Or answers. I know it can be done. After 40 years of addiction, the Salvation Army AA meeting site right around the corner, that I have been to, picking up 'another copy' of 'Where to Find'....God, I feel tired. But I know it can happen.
No commitment really, because this model has not worked for me.
Glad to hear from you again! Although it seems to me that you may have this idea backward - because AA didn't work for me, either, until I made a commitment.
After a number of failed early attempts that consisted mostly of just showing up at a meeting occasionally and not making a commitment to do anything else, I decided to really give it my best effort and did my best to check out a ton of meetings as often as possible, nearly every day, and got willing to ask the people in those meetings who were successfully staying sober to show me how they did it and help take me through the twelve steps. That was how I came to understand what my alcoholism really was and learned how to deal with it so I wasn't just trying to grit my teeth and not drink while feeling miserable about it. It was the difference between mere abstinence and real RECOVERY from alcoholism. The steps and the help that I got from other people in AA have made a massive change in my outlook and attitude. I haven't had a drink in a very long time, I don't want one, I don't feel like I'm missing anything, and I'm at least as happy and contented with my life as most other people. And yes, you're right, this CAN happen for you. You can do this. Please keep posting and let us know how it's going.
Try not to put any 'conditions' on where and how you want to get and stay sober ... i.e. small meeting groups, not getting a sponsor, this model has not worked for me, etc. ...
If you don't make a commitment, you will not stay sober ...
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Fliegen, where did you get the idea that meetings get real alcoholics sober? They don't and never have. Meetings and the fellowship are just one side of the AA triangle, the next side is recovery, the thing you are looking for.That is found through doing the steps, living the steps, but not studying the steps. AA has a simple spiritual program of action. Get hold of a big book ( the only publication with instruction on how to take the steps) and find a sponsor to show you how to put the program into action.
Do you have a big book study meeting in your area. I have learned heaps from those, and still do. Of course these are "work" meetings as study is work, but the big book is a text book and needs to be studied. Big book study meetings can seem a bit dull, they don't give the thrills of the spill your guts disciussion meeting, but on the other hand they can be incredibly enlightening. Well worth the investment of one hour a week.
What has worked for me this time around 1) started going to meetings in my neighborhood to discover the meetings are full of people 25+
years sober (old timers) 2) most are step and literature meetings and hearing someone with 32 years & years of sponsees and sponsors
explain THEIR program has clicked things in my brain that I'm "getting it" and I am starting to figure out my program.
I also realized I need therapy because I a suffer from depression/anxiety (have since I was a teen). These things are going to fall in place.
It was for you H1 but the suggestion is good for anyone who is serious about sobriety. In 35 years I have only been involved in starting two groups. The last was a BB study. My home town is big on discussion groups and a therapy type approach mainly because 90% of the older members went to the same treatment centre which has now closed. There they were taken through the first five steps. They never learned to take others through those steps the AA way, so it leaves a bit of a gap.
The BB study is quite disciplined in a way, and sticks to its format. The only discussion is about the bit we are studying. Some of the visitors don't like this approach, they say it is pedantic to quote one of them. They feel they should be allowed to dump whatever they like on us. There are plenty of other mettings that let them do that.
Even after 30 years sober, I have learned so much through the BB study. We look at almost every sentence and see how it compares to our own experience, and we disuss it to try and deepen our understanding of what it means to each of us.
I have also seen some amazng things as the light comes on, often with people who have been around a few years, and they finally get what AA is about.
One common theme among some of the members that joined us was that they had been attending meetings for several years but were not getting anything out of it. They said they were about to leave AA. Learning about the big book and how to put it all into practice changed that and it changed them right in front of my eyes.
To see someone who has been white knuckling for years suddenly turn into a happily sober individual is a priceless privilege.
Superficially a BB sudy can seem boring, but in reality it can show you how to get tothe next level. Of course it is important to try and put what we learn into daily practice.
What finally worked for me was meetings that were real solution-oriented where people were truly studying and practicing the Big Book - meaning they were actually doing the work.
There are several different types of methods in AA like that. Keep your feet moving and seek them out...you'll find the BB method you like best. Nice willingness!
