Have been doing some thinking about all the chatter on this Board about newbies, and Oldtimers. Cannot RELATE to any of it.
I have today, Period. So an accumulation of 24 hours is just that, an accumulations of 24 hours.
I did love my 1st Birthday, ONLY because it gave me so much Hope that I could possible be able to do this Program, after miserable failures for many, many years.
After the 1st Birthday, they have not really had any significance to me. yes, I will be with others sometimes, if they want. But the truth is each year only brings a deeper humbleness to me. And by its nature, we cannot celebrate being humble, can we? It is a contradiction.
As far as celebrations go, when someone that has struggled to get into this Program, has put some time together, 1 day, 7 days, that's something to celebrate, and I do. Miracles!
Newbie - Oldtimer - What the hell do those words mean ????
Don't care for either word, Newbie, sounds like the name of a new Tennis Shoe, and Oldtimer, just sounds like a really old person.
And the Winners - What's that - sounds like something I use to strive for early in my Drinking Days..
So we now have some time behind us, where we are not active Drunks, crashing into others lives, and doing the damage that we did. Great, but is worthy of Celebration ????? you tell me.
Deep Sense of Gratitude to God, is all I come up with.
Thanks for the share,,, makes me think..... see,, celebrations are one of the things that gets me in trouble,,, cuz of how I tend to celebrate. hmmm. well,,, in a way,, I think every day that we get through is a cause for celebration... I guess depends on what is meant. Not to be proud, you're right, but humble,,,, and grateful to God for the miracle,,, cuz... I can't do it on my own,, and not gloating over the poor ones who slipped today, cuz there but for the grace of God go I.
well,,, hmmm.. there are real newbies who come in for the first time and have no idea what AA is all about... and then there are newbies who have been in for a time and slipped and came back,,, and then there are the newbies who don't want to be old-timers with all the stuff that comes with that. Old-timers, elder statesman, bleeding deacons and them there,,, well,, since everyone goes at their own pace and own way... yeah... I guess it doesn't mean too much,,, except ... well,,, they are hanging in there and got to get credit for that.
on the other hand... you see,, some people,, especially in that first year,, like you said.. come in feeling like total failures,, and all hopeless and stuff,,, and it is really good to have a feeling of some kind of success and accomplishment. And there are deeper and deeper levels of recovery... I keep seeing things I didn't see before,, as more is revealed. But it is humbling now, and not ego.
There is one guy,, who comes to a meeting every day,, sometimes two, one in the morning and one at night. He comes to AA meetings,, but he is doing crack, and he does it almost every day. He comes and just sits and listens,, and sometimes tells us how he tried not to,, but,, he ended up doing it again. Nobody tells him he doesn't belong there cuz this is alcohol oriented and not crack. Nobody puts him down for going out again. He's an older man. Last year his daughter was going to come to visit from Europe,, and he wanted sooooo badly to get and stay clean for that.
Then there is Sam,,, alcoholic,,, I guess he kind of binges or something... everybody talks about how many times he's gone out, and they've worried,, and he has managed to come back many times... and now he is in the leadership,,, a humble and compassionate man who is so grateful. And he knows that he is only ... what's the saying? that he could go back out again tomorrow,,, but he is staying in 'just for today',,, like you said Toni,,, another 24 hours.
love in recovery,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
"So we now have some time behind us, where we are not active Drunks, crashing into others lives, and doing the damage that we did. Great, but is worthy of Celebration ????? you tell me." - Toni
Is long-term sobriety a cause for celebration? Ask my wife... ask my daughter.. ask my parents... my students... heck ask me. For me it is absolutely, positively a reason to celebrate. I would have no life without having put some days together. To negate the hard work and diligence required of all of us is to ignore what God can and will make possible in our lives. The newcomer needs to hear that it isn't a good idea to keep returning to the bottle. Good things can and will happen if days can turn into weeks into months into years. That's how it works.
But how do we celebrate? Do we act like some of the athletes on TV who jump up and scream and get into people's faces after making a routine play? No. Do we become elder statesman who lord over the group with our superior spirituality and knowledge of the world? No, again.
I think we celebrate by remaining humble and connected to God and by remembering how it was when we drank. We try to share our experience, strength, and hopw with the newcomers and never lose sight of the fact that we are eligible too. Time is important - especially what we do with it.
Thanks for the thought provoking post Toni - and these are just my thoughts. Mike in Boston
The finger pointing 33 yr a-----hole of the other night is the person who shouldn't celebrate.
The man who told the newcomer to sit down and shut the F-ck up. Take some fu--ing cotton and stick it in your mouth.
The f---ing newcomers are here to listen not talk.
I've been around for the tough love days and left.
I celebrated my first three years the first time i was in the program and stayed sober 3 more, before i drank.
2nd time in I chose not to celebrate.
Celebrating can be real good or it can be bad.
I went to a ann. meeting the other night. The man ( 30yrs +)spoke of all he did. Started meetings here and there,at a jail , was gsr,did this and that, on and on etc.
He also spoke of sobering people up and told first and last names.
I can relate to what you said too. I think of this Disease and Recovery from this Disease the same way I do about Cancer being in Remission. Just one day at a time.
And like those cancer cells that can activate, and turn Cancer into something Life-Threatening, so it is with our Disease.
Sometimes I see the word "Celebrate" and think about all of the Celebrating I did while drinking, thats all.
Just Semanics, I know. But there is that other word, Oldtimer, that makes me kind of cringe. I will have 17 years in Recovery, God willing, On September 12, 2006, and I dread anyone ever calling me an Oldtimer. Once again, it is just a word, but I want to keep the Program always fresh, and keep the Gratitude new....... But that is just me. Always there for anyone coming into the Program, to support them, and suggest working the 12 Steps of Recovery as a way out of the Disease of Alcoholism, But DO NOT have any Answers for them, the answers are deep inside that person.
As Phil stated yesterday, we all have our own right to our opinions, thank God, no one is arguing about anything, just stating what is "how they see things" and God Bless us for being able to have a right to an opinion, Right?? I am very left-handed, and very Right-brained, and I have read that when you have an extremely dominant side of your brain controlling your thoughts, that you will see things a little differently than others. Who know, and who cares, ha ha!
I really like your prospective too. I see Alcoholic Anonymous as a Road, a Journey directly to my Higher Power, what keeps me Sober? My Higher Power, whom I choose to call God, and I need to go to Meetings to stay on that Path. When I stay away from Meetings, then I am walking away from that Road, and who knows where that will lead me. I have a good idea.
Thanks a lot for your Imput. I appreciate getting to know you some.
Toni, Now i am going to go Celebrate Saturday, we can change our minds too!
This is a good discussion. Thank you for starting it, Toni. And I'm relieved that we are all respecting each other, even when our perspectives are different.
I said in another post that I can understand why some sponsors tell newbies to shut up and listen. I have never been so aggravated in my life by a newbie! But I am not one of those sponsors. I do think that there should be a balance, and that everyone should share their perspecictives within reason. But sometimes I just figure that a newbie,, just coming in, doesn't know any better at the moment,, and if we hang in there,,, standing firmly while presenting 'how it works', the newbie hopefully will start to learn and the participation will improve in quality. The same with old-timers,,, none of us are perfect or have a right to lord it over anybody or assume that automatically anything they might say is infallible,,, but I consider a person who calls themselves an 'authority' while reinventing AA principles to be even more 'dangerous' than someone who is a known newbie,, cuz the old-timer should know better, and lots of people do believe them.
When I got really disillusioned about old timers who were still imperfect, at first I got frustrated and angry too,,, but I had unrealistic expectations... The group cannot be my Higher Power,, and I had to go past them to God,, which may be all for the best. So now I don't look to anybody to be anything to me but a peer,, an equal,,, and God is my ultimate authority and Higher Power.
love in recovery,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
No wonder I relate to you, I am lefthanded, too!!! Now to get serious for a minute, it is very helpful for me to know when dealing with others in the program how long they have been sober. I remember the total, paralyzing fear I felt in my first year. I had been to treatment, they informed me that in my group, only 20% of us would stay sober, that it would kill us, I had already alienated my kids, and, I didn't have the first clue how to live without alcohol!!! On top of all that, my kids were pleased as punch that Mom had gone to treatment and was cured!!! In my first year I slowly learned some "tools" from AA to live. Am still learning, almost 7 years later. But, I am learning new things, and if I am to be of help to others, I need to know where they are. I have no idea what the terms newbie, or oldtimer really mean, I am a newbie to this site, but I am not new to AA, I have met people with a year or two of sobriety that I really admire, and "oldtimers" with 20 years that if I had to be sober their way, I would just get drunk again. Wouldn't be worth it.
As for meetings, don't you find different clubs go in cycles? Years ago I went to a club that I adored, could hardly wait to get to meetings, Mon nite meeting was wonderful, and Tues, and don't forget the Thursday nite one, that was awesome and I wouldn't want to miss Fri nite, the chairman was so thoughtful. But AA is not static, and the people chairing the meetings moved on to different areas, and then..........the personalities started coming thru. And, I have to remember, it is the PROGRAM over personalities. Cause the personalities get in the way. And then I get to practise the 9th and 10th step all over again. I have to to remember that I don't have room for resentments, they will kill me!! My sponser says it is not the big things in life that we drink over, it is the little ankle biters we haven't taken care of, and she is soooooooooooo right in my life.
So, to me, it is a one day program, just for today, and each day is different, but the same. And with the grace of my higher power, I keep plugging away. Some days better than others, but all of them better sober.
My AA birthday is a big deal to me, I always am so greatful and humbel that whole month, probably should live that way the whole year, but, I am human and a month is pretty good. I am the miracle I didn't believe, when I first came here, could happen. So, I try to get three coins. My two daughters want one, and one for me. THey are proud of their Mom now, and that alone is worth everything to me. And, it is a time for celebration, Wheeeee! I did it! Pretty damn cool!
Just my thoughts, for what it is worth, and you all have a great day, it is almost sunny here, the wind chimes are singing, so there is a bit of a wind, the canal has a few whitecaps, and is gorgeous. Life is good, and I choose to have a good day.
