I hate your meetings. I hate your higher power...I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of Alcoholism. Cunning, baffling, and powerful.That's me. I have killed millions,and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort,have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call me? I was there. I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry.Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. You can't feel anything at all. This is true glory. I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the things good in your life. People don't take me seriously...They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes they take seriously - fools that they are. They don't know that without my help, these things would not be made possible. I am such a hated disease. And yet, I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace. More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, your meetings, your higher power: All weaken me and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me. But I am growing,bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. But I am here. until we meet again. If we meet again, --- I wish you death and suffering
~Jack M.
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Utter confusion, misery and pain, Humiliation, remorseful, ashamed. Dreading to face the light of each day, Not wanting to hear what people would say.
Like, "Where is your power? Where is your pride?" They don't understand that deep down inside I wish I knew the answers to give, Or how to find the courage to live.
I had taken pills they told me I should. I tried all the cures, but they did no good. I made many promises and meant them too. But the compulsion to drink is stronger than you.
One day a friend happened to say: "I know the answer, I can show you a way. All it takes is an open mind. Believe what you hear from your own kind."
I went to a meeting, they read Chapter V. The steps made some sense and hope was revived. I saw living proof of what faith can do. It worked for them, why not for you ?
One day at a time, they told me to live. They said, 'Easy does it.' And 'Learn to forgive.' Be humble, be honest and help when you can. Pass on what you learn to a new man.
I heard them repeat the Serenity Prayer. And soon realized all my answers were there. Now, when someone asks, "Can miracles be?" May I always reply, "Take a look at me."
