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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> ridell me this
Post Info TOPIC: ridell me this
benny33


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ridell me this
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how can you work on a marridge when  one of the two parties isnt willing to talk,share,and coexsist,is it pay back from past hurts?cause you cant change any of the past and you cant set the future ,most of us know we have to love now and for this very minute ,butt is that extreme . cause at this moment more so than most id like to have a drink.so is this the wisdom to know the difference ?or the courage to changethe thing i can or should i except it all ? wow each time i think im getting it hp throws a curve at me ,is anyone else tierd of the game cause im exsausted. i hope you all are having a better day than i am but i know this will pass as all things do in some form or way just thought id write it down see if it made any sense .thanks see you all later


       phil




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Doll


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You didn't expect things to be perfect overnight did you?! It takes time for families of alkies to trust us, after all we've given them so much time to NOT trust us thru our drinking "careers"


 


NO MATTER WHAT, DON'T DRINK.


Get to a meeting, call your sponsor, call another sober drunk...... NO MATTER WHAT DON'T DRINK, CAUSE YOU ARE RIGHT, THIS TOO SHALL PASS....


Praying for you....... Love and Hugs.



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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
amanda2u2


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The '12 Step and 12 Tradition' book has some excellent helpful things to say about our marriages. It does take 2 to make a marriage work. What each one does does affect the other, and it could be that your wife is not sure what is going on or what to do or anything right now.  Maybe it could go either way. Meantime,,,,  we've got to continue with our recovery,,  trusting our Higher Power that if we are working the Steps and our program, and doing the best we can He will do the rest.


Do you have a '12 by 12' book? The longest part on marriage is on Step 12, practicing these principles in all our affairs. Steps 4 and 5 also have some passages about how we affect our marriages, and Steps 8 and 9 about making amends.


Just keep putting one foot in front of the other as best you can.


love in recovery,


amanda



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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Pauly


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My wife and kids returned from a trip on Friday. London has its own glamour, particulary given the circles mixed in down there. Having come back my wife always goes through a period of re-adjustment "Why did we ever move up to this God forsaken Northern outpost?" etc. Now bear in mind I`ve missed having my little tribe around me. Also, rather than have a holiday to Europe this year, I`ve got my eye on a 1-2 year old mobile home (motorcaravan) and have really investigated this over the past week or so. I`ve just had this idea of how great it would be to re-connect with the British Isles, drive the length/breadth of the country. Scotland and Ireland are beautiful and soul restoring places. I`d also bounced the idea off the kids, talking to them on the phone during the past week, they love the idea. Idea is completely demolished now, it is affordable, and I guess in some ways I`m looking to make up for a bit of lost time and I know I want to physically see a reward for abstinence, but my dream currently lies in tatters..Or does it? I want it, kids like the idea, I`ve decided I`ll do it anyhow. Maybe in holiday time, if family are elsewhere, I`ll take the van up to Scotland for some soul searching and salmon fishing myself... 


She also turned on me yesterday. The house was/is like a new pin, I`ve alway been a neat guy, I even used to iron my own school shirts at 10 `cos I`d do a better job than my Mum! Yet she still managed to find fault with incidental issues around the house and it didnt take much for her to let some of her feelings out re. the past few years: the waste of time, the waste of money, how angry she`s been for years and not said anything, how I`ve done less with the kids in the last 18 months,... All sorted now, I guess as far as I`m concerned it`s another fascinating chapter in this new discovery in un chartered waters.


My main find during this recent episode is that you can expect zero sympathy for your self inflicted illness, even from one of the gentlest nicest creatures on this planet. However, I`m not losing sight of the fact that I`m in as much recovery as if in a minor illness even if I`m not going to share this with her. I`ll make things good permanently, I`ll do it for them and myself I`ll make extra time for the family but just as importantly for myself. Has self loathing been a reason to drink over the years?? who knows. 



-- Edited by Pauly at 18:50, 2006-02-26

-- Edited by Pauly at 20:48, 2006-02-26

-- Edited by Pauly at 20:52, 2006-02-26

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Doll


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RE: riddel me this
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It's Simple, But not Easy.


If you want to have a look at your problem, look in the mirror.


........................................... 



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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Toni Baloney


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RE: ridell me this
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Hi Phil,


Good to see you Posting, about those thoughts about drinking,


                                                Think,


                                        Think,


                                        Think!


One of my favorite Slogans in this Program, think it through, all the way to how you will feel about it, the next day.  I think you mentioned that you were coming up on almost 6 months, that is something that you have worked really hard at, I know.


Talking about thinking about drinking in a meeting will help.  Have you made some contacts in AA, phone numbers, did you find a sponsor?  Please stay in touch.


A Big Hug, Toni


 


 


 


 


                                                   


                                                                                                



-- Edited by Toni Baloney at 19:43, 2006-02-26

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benny33


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  thank you all for the great suport i know what i cant do.and i realy have some great stuff to go from what you all wrote . ill think of all you in my prayers my angry and rage and disapoint ment has all butt disapated at this point i tried to explain to her how i felt and why she did not acknowledge any of it probbably cause i called her like 20 times and was im her all day to talk to me about .you are all so right i cant fix anyone butt me i guess just the fact of being sober scares me . i do push i do so badly want to get back together with her and the kidds butt maybe because i wanted that so badly i neglected her feelings towards it (which was easy for me to do given the lasrt 3 weeks LOL)just a little humor there .any way i made it throough this one agoan with all of youre help and i do notice these urges are getting fewer apart . i leave you all with this last thought tonight . are we creatuers of habbit and if so do we change habbets by picking up new ones?  talk to you all soon  god blesss           p.s. i have a new e-mail its pjbenny36@aol if anywant to talk     thanks phil

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amanda2u2


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I'm glad that pauly and benny/phil are sharing,,, not just venting but really trying to think and sort things through and figure out what the next best step is.


yes, we are creatures of habit..  it works like this:


When we think something or do something we create a pathway of synapses in our brains.  Every time we think or do the same thing that pathway gets like a dirt road does, deeper into a rut.  When we do it enough times and the rut of pathways gets deep enough the synapses just go along that same path automatically. When it does get to be a habit then it is hard to change it or stop it once it gets triggered,, and when we don't do it or try to change it it feels weird.  That pathway is there forever, just like that rut in the dirt road. The way to change behaviors is to create new pathways, which like the old ones, are difficult to create at first, having to think about it and puposefully learn it, and practice it till it becomes a new habit that is equal to the old one or even stronger,,,  then the synapses can go in the new direction instead of only the old one.


Think about some other things that have become habits with us. Learning multiplication tables in math, learning the drive to our job, learning how to type...  learning to say 'please' and 'thank you'.  Virtues and vices are both habits,,,  virtues are good habits of attitude, thought and behavior,,, and vices are bad habits of behavior, with comes from bad thinking, from bad attitudes. 


So that is what AA 12 Steps help us do; change the stinking thinking that ends us up drinking,,  by helping us to replace that with better thinking with our Higher Power that will result in better habits of behavior.


love in recovery,


amanda



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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Doll


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amanda2u2 wrote:

 So that is what AA 12 Steps help us do; change the stinking thinking that ends us up drinking,,  by helping us to replace that with better thinking with our Higher Power that will result in better habits of behavior.....

Amen! 


 "I went to AA for my drinking, I stay in AA for my thinking" .



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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
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